Maybe Paco Alcácer Sold His Soul To The Devil For The Power To Score Whenever He Wants

Though Paco Alcácer’s goal today came when Spain were already down big in their UEFA Nations League match against England, the weight of the scoreline was never going to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upward in delight. Alcácer had stepped over the sideline and into a 3-0 hiding in the 57th minute, and…

Look! On The Pitch! It's Messi! It's Ronaldo! It's A Goalie Goal!

If you’re going to score a goal as a keeper, you might as well be like KRC Gent’s Kevin Frans in Belgium’s fourth division yesterday and make it a stoppage time, point-saving wonder strike of an overhead kick. You’ll probably only get one—maybe two—in your whole career, so you’d better make it count:

James Rodriguez Defies The Laws Of Physics And Ruins Some American Scrubs

A squad of Team USA kids who are mostly less interesting than the American soccer boys who are currently injured—and also this guy who looks just like Michael Bradley oh God wait that’s actually somehow Michael Bradley—is getting wildly overmatched by a World Cup-caliber Colombian team in a Tampa friendly. Thirty-six…

Javier Pastore Escaped His Gilded Cage And Is Back Doing Crazy Shit On The Field

If you were to name a poster boy for the phenomenon of promising young talents who join the game’s richest clubs only to find themselves spending more time watching soccer than playing it, Javier Pastore would be a perfectly credible choice. Now, after finally deciding to step out from the bejeweled cage he’d happily…

English Teen Lauren Hemp Scores From The Right Flank With Her Right Flank

If we were to build a pantheon of world soccer’s most lethal weapons, there are a few iconic appendages we can think of that would be locks to make it in: Lionel Messi’s left foot, Cristiano Ronaldo’s right, Abby Wambach’s head. To those ranks we must now add the right hip/stomach/ribs region of Lauren Hemp, the…