horror Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
California's Endless Drought Cruelly Menaces Innocent Sushi Prices
Well, you finally did it, humans. You finally fucked up the ecosystem enough to imperil something that matters. No, not the millions of innocent human beings whose access to potable water is threatened by what appears more and more to be the end of rain- and snowfall in California. No. The sush...
Wall Street: Olive Garden Makes Bad Food Badly
A fight for control over Olive Garden's parent company, Darden Restaurants, has shed light on some of the Italianish restaurant chain's less-than-ideal kitchen practices. For example: Olive Garden kitchens do not salt their pasta water. For another example: Olive Garden kitchens exclusively prepar...
Who Wants To Wear This Uglier-Than-Hell Cincinnati Chili T-Shirt?
Better on your torso than inside it, I guess....
Restaurant Removes Bacon Sign, Ignites Culture War
This is it, folks. This just might be it. Your love of bacon will bring you to ruin, our ancestors said, but did we listen? Did we heed? No we did not. And now: Here we are, careening bacon-scented over the precipice of disaster. "My grandfather was alive in 2014," they will say, huddled fu...
Which NBA Player Farted And Put His Dick On This MTV Lady?
This is Carly Aquilino, a comedian and cast member on MTV's Girl Code, doing a spot on the Brilliant Idiots podcast, hosted by Charlamagne Tha God (who tells great stories) and Andrew Schulz. Aquilino's story is about the time she hung out with an NBA player who farted very loudly and then put his p...
Bar Exam Tech Disaster Inspires Lawsuit Threats, Operatic Profanity
If there's one group of people you do not want to piss off, it's recent law school grads. They have all the cockiness and self-regard that comes with finally being able to put "Esq." at the end of their names, without the emotional scarring appurtenant to the actual practice of law. Piss off this ...
Taste Test: Milk And Honey Original Café Mix, The Alleged Best Cereal
Back in February, our Tim Marchman posted a list that purported to rank breakfast cereals in order of deliciousness. His selection of something called "Milk and Honey Original Café Mix" for the top spot—on what's a pretty comprehensive list of the breakfast cereals you can find in your typical sup...
Bartender Unwittingly Serves "Flaming Lithuanian"
Keep an eye on the balding fellow, leftmost among the guys in white shirts at the start of the video. Look at that poor bastard. Dude's tired and depressed from a long day of middle-managing a Lithuanian bioinformatics firm or whatever, just minding his own business, trying to have a drink and a g...
How To Cook And Eat Whole Shrimp (Yes, Even Their Heads)
Generally speaking, we like shrimp. Your local supermarket testifies to this: Multiple sizes of shrimp of various provenance on display at the seafood counter; shrimp prepared and flash-frozen in wild variety (OK, maybe not wild variety, but anyway Captain Gorton breads them at least a couple of di...
So You Want Cream Cheese And Fish Eggs In Your Pizza Crust, You Say
Looks like you'll have to travel to get it (and also it looks like you might be a lunatic): Pizza Hut locations in Hong Kong are now selling the uncreatively named Fish Roe Salmon Cream Cheese Pizza. As its name suggests, this is a pizza with salmon-flavored cream cheese and roe inside its crust, w...
Skyline Figures You'd Like Blue Noodles Under Your Diarrhea Sludge
Would you get a load of that horror. I mean lean on in here and get a nice big load of it. That is a pair of tubs of pasta, dyed red and blue by Louisville's Skyline Chili locations as a... what? celebration? like hell! ...of the upcoming Louisville-Kentucky Sweet 16 matchup. Because Skyline Chil...
Your Chinese Street-Food Was Probably Cooked In Poop Oil
Well, this is horrifying. Street vendors in China have taken to using something called "gutter oil"—quite literally the oil gathered from gutter runoff, dumpster sludge, garbage juice, and untreated fucking sewage fuck fuck fuck—to cook food for human consumption. And then unwitting humans are con...
Californians Fail To Appreciate Inescapable, Burning Sriracha Odor
Officials of the city of Irwindale—a California town presumably situated in the ominous shadow of a Huy Fong Foods factory that looms all flecked with lightning and emitting constant spooky organ music atop the local hill—have filed suit against the makers of the delicious sriracha chili sauce, for ...
Ted Cruz Hates Avocados, Is Incapable Of Non-Stupid Opinions
I mean ho-leeeeee shit. This is at least—at least!—2.7 times worse than the time he orchestrated the shutdown of the federal government for no goddamn reason....
Awful Person Pays $100,000 To Be Guy Fieri's Pretend Friend
Let it never be said that hedge-fund billionaire Steven A. Cohen has an eye for a bargain: The poor bastard paid a hundred grand to go on a day-long playdate with Guy Fieri, when, for the same net effect, he could have dropped maybe $25 for a sandwich-board and enough red paint to scrawl "I AM A SAD...
My Americone Dream Had A Goddamn Hair In It
Sorry for making fun of your maple syrup, assholes....
Intramural Horror Stories: Post-Concussion Symptoms And Hanging Dong
Welcome to Intramural Horror Stories, in which readers tell us about all the awful things that happened to them while participating in intramural sports....
Intramural Horror Stories: Misplaced Racism And Dislocated Ankles
Yesterday, we asked you to send us your horror stories about intramural sports, and you did not disappoint. Please enjoy the first installment of Intramural Horror Stories, and please continue to send us your wretched tales of recreational athletic disasters....