Awful Person Pays $100,000 To Be Guy Fieri's Pretend Friend

Let it never be said that hedge-fund billionaire Steven A. Cohen has an eye for a bargain: The poor bastard paid a hundred grand to go on a day-long playdate with Guy Fieri, when, for the same net effect, he could have dropped maybe $25 for a sandwich-board and enough red paint to scrawl "I AM A SAD LONELY LOSER WITH BAD TASTE IN THINGS" on it.

And how did these two rockin' pretend-friends spend their magical day together? Why, they enacted a fantasy episode of Guy Fieri's dumb show, of course, and swung through Cohen's favorite hot dog joint so he could pitch the spiky-haired alpha-nitwit on featuring it in a real-life non-fantasy-camp episode. Which Fieri then did.

Yes. This is what the one-percent are doing with 95 percent of the wealth in the nation. They are giving it to frosted werebadgers to facilitate the illusion of having friends. We will stop here so that you may hang yourself.

[ pagesix.com, h/t PJ F.]