k Page 4255 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Clinton Portis Hangs Up The Wacky Glasses
There's a reason that you must wait five years until after your career is over to be elected to most professional sports Halls of Fame; it looks strange to have a Hall of Famer out there running around like everybody else. It seems beneath them, somehow....
Oh, No, Mike Tyson's Back! What Ever Will We Do!
You know, now that Mike Tyson has announced that he's going to be doing a travelling roadshow of "fights," we know that we're supposed to get all huffy about it, say things like "When's this guy gonna learn?" and "What has happened to boxing?" or even the old standby "Why doesn't he move on with h...
Still Wading In The T.O. Morass
You know, it's strange how, after the frenzy of Terrell Owens-related madness yesterday, it all seems to have died down today. It never fails to bewilder us that once an athlete denies something, mainstream reporters just kind of say, "OK, well, must not be true, then!" and move on. There seems to b...
"Thick In The Britches"
This is Bob Whitfield, veteran left tackle for the New York Giants. According to his bio, he has five children, ages ranging from 19 to 5. He seems like an upstanding member of society. And when NJ.com asked him, apropos of nothing, "whose backfield would you like to see in motion?" he had quite an ...
Jesus Has Nothing On Mike Holmgren
Lost in all the Terrell Owens madness yesterday was the strange, theologically earth-shattering news that Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander proclaimed he would play next week, despite his broken foot, because of the power of prayer....
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
We mentioned this briefly the other day, but we figure it probably deserves its own post....
The Human Being Vs. The Publicist
A legitimate question as we tie a big ribbon on this whole Terrell Owens suicide business for the day, which, we have to say, ESPN has done a rather outstanding — if predictably overdone — job of covering today:...
A Jersey For Very Tiny, Annoying Humans
If you want your T.O. live press conference updates — and boy, DON'T YOU — you can find them right here....
Five Tiny Tidbits On: The Los Angeles Lakers
It's hard to believe, but the NBA season is just around the corner. Let us celebrate with five tiny tidbits on each team. Tomorrow we begin with the Central Division, so do us a favor and send us your tips at [email protected]. • 1. We're Still Looking For Lakes In Los Angeles. The Lakers did not g...
The Closer: Champagne For Everyone!
Notes from a day in baseball: • 1. That Cinches It. If we're building a team in the majors, we're bringing in Eric Chavez, and damn the statistics. The oft-injured third baseman has this champagne celebration thing dow; he's made the playoffs five times in his eight years in the majors. The lates...
"It Feels ... FANTASTIC!"
Another reason to like Mavs owner Mark Cuban: He's the only billionaire you might stumble across in an Indiana bar and just end up getting blasted with all evening. The folks at We Are The Postmen ended up at a Bloomington bar with Cuban last week, and he bought everybody booze and pretty much eradi...
As Pink Taco Leaves, Leinart Arrives
As many of you know by know, the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals, ignoring pleas from the unwashed masses, have sold the naming rights to their new stadium. And, as would be expected, it's the most idiotic name possible: The University Of Phoenix Stadium. The name is confusing — so they're i...
Sir, I Strongly Protest Your Driving Habits
We're sure you've seen this, but we kind of had to bring it up anyway. If you're like us, you can't be pulled away from the television with a herd of wild ponies during an ARCA stock car race.* One reason is that these guys are always grapplin', and they aren't just your everyday tussles like you se...
You Know What's Funny? She's Actually The Swimming Judge
Life as a judge in the javelin toss ain't so easy ... there is, for example, the whole issue of being hit with a javelin....
That'll Be All, Whitlock: You Are Lucky We Let You Live
So, you know how Jason Whitlock, after leaving ESPN Page 2, gave an interview last week in which he trashed Mike Lupica and Scoop Jackson in an interview with The Big Lead?...
Madden Curse Soon To Attack Rest Of Humanity
You know, all told, Ray Lewis never actually suffered from the Madden Curse: People always forget nothing happened to him that year....
Over There, Belichick Should Break Up LOTS Of Marriages
If you're a Patriots fan who just hasn't had every opportunity and vessel through which to express your undying devotion, worry not: You can now wear Tom Brady's jersey in Chinese....
Meanwhile, Over At Hogwarts ...
Know how we know you're gay? Your rugby team is trailing 24-7, until a group of male streakers run across the field. You then go on to win the match, 26-24....
What Should We Do With Ann Arbor Again? And When Should We Do It?
Realize, kids, that it's entirely possible that we might have an Ohio State vs. Michigan, No. 1 vs. No. 2, battle on our hands this year. That might 40 percent of the Middle West spontaneously combust. We're very excited....
New Looks For D-Backs, Reds
What to do if your team struggles late and is unable to sneak into the playoffs after a somewhat surprising season? Change your logo, of coruse....