last-night Page 14 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: Derek Anderson
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Browns occasionally starting quarterback who was finally released from his own personal Purgatory—even if Purgatory isn't exactly sad to see him go....
Last Night's Winner: The Boston Yankees
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like ad sales software that scored another big success for targeted online marketing campaigns. Because who needs Yankee tickets more than the people of Boston?...
Last Night's Winner: Football Dorks
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like nerds who get excited about tender offers, no-trade clauses, and transaction wires. It may be the offseason, but not for restricted free agent hounds....
Last Night's Winner: Rioters
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Maryland students, who finally got an excuse to smash the state with some real grownup civil disobedience. Wait, did Rick Reilly® sign off on this?...
Last Night's Winner: Hoc-key?
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like hockey-crazed Americans, so jazzed by Olympic fever that they set NHL records for attendance and ratings....if only they knew what channel the game was on....
Last Night's Winner: Jay Leno
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Lindsey Vonn, who continued her streak of tape delayed wipeouts by appearing as a guest on the new, new Tonight Show with....ugh, Jay Leno....
Last Night's Winner: Canadian Men On Skates
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Canadian skatesmen, who prat fell onto the podium for short-track speedskating and held off the feisty Slovakians in hockey for a chance at gold against Amerika....
Last Night's Winner: Scott Hamilton's Tear Ducts
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Hamilton and everyone else who had themselves another happy cry last night over Joannie Rochette, winner of a bronze medal that looks golden from here....
Last Night's Winner: Canadian Pride
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Canadians who, for the first time ever, have a reason to feel good about hosting the Olympics. Chin up, gang! You're good at stuff too!...
Last Night's Winner: Crybabies
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like people who watch the Olympics not for the speed and grace of finely-tuned athletes, but because they enjoy blubbering like little girls over figure skating....
Last Night's Winner: Dance! Dance! Dance!
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like fans of competitive ice dancing, otherwise known as people who enjoy Linkin Park, uncomfortable sibling romance and the Holocaust. The Olympics have something for everyone!...
Last Night's Winner: British Skeletoners
In sports, everyone is a winner- some people just win better than others. Like Amy Williams, whose gold in skeleton summarily refuted two British stereotypes - that they suck at the Winter Olympics, and that they don't have purty teeth....
Last Night's Winner: The Golf Writers Association Of America
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like American golf scribes, who defiantly removed their lips from the tainted buttocks of Tiger Woods and decided to collectively boycott today's "press conference."...
Last Night's Winner: U! S! A! U! S! A!
In sports, everyone in a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Americans who, let's face it, are the awesomest winners who ever won a victory. Now it feels like a real Olympics!...
Last Night's Winner: True Love
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just better than others. Like Shawne Merriman and Tila Tequila who settled their mutual lawsuits against each other. I always knew those kids' lawyers would work it out someday....
Last Night's Winner: Rich Guys
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the under-appreciated billionaires who brought America's Cup back where it belongs: A snooty American yacht club....
Last Night's Winner: Whatever Passes For Roy Williams's Conscience
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the little man on Roy Williams's shoulder, who prevailed upon the coach to say he's very, very sorry....
Last Night's Winner: Duke (Sorry.)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Duke Blue Devils, who finally got the best of their terrible, next-to-last place catastrophe of an arch rival. Yes, they'll take it....
Last Night's Winner: Steven Jackson
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Steven Jackson, who will not face charges for allegedly roughing up his pregnant girlfriend. The bad news? He's free to play for the Rams again....
Last Night's Winner: Every Other Sport That's Not Football
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those who awoke from their post Super Bowl-hangover, rubbed their eyes and realized we've got a lot of time to fill between now and September....