Last Night's Winner: True Love

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just better than others. Like Shawne Merriman and Tila Tequila who settled their mutual lawsuits against each other. I always knew those kids' lawyers would work it out someday.

Last time on Celebrity Justice Files, Merriman was not charged with any crimes after being arrested last fall for allegedly beating Tequila up. So she filed a civil suit against him and he counter-sued, saying that all this negative publicity was ruining his Wal-Mart t-shirt business. (For real.) But now thanks to a legally arbitrated non-disclosed mutual agreement these two lovebirds are free to go back to annoying each other on Twitter.

I told u guys, I never lied about anything. And now, god has let everyone know the truth! I didn't have to say a word! God told u for me! Xo

Thanks, God! Merriman was wise to settle, because The Almighty is an absolute shark in the courtroom.

Honorable mention: Men's figure skaters. Those dudes get two nights every four years for people to pay attention to them—unless they take Frank Deford clothes shopping—so I hope they're savoring it.