lol Page 34 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Dipshit Mets Fan Throws Beer At Grady Sizemore
Here’s a dipshit Mets fan spending $12 in a futile attempt to disrupt Phillies right fielder Grady Sizemore from fielding a ball in the fourth inning at Citi Field today. Stop wasting beer, dipshit!...

Mets Closer Jenrry Mejía Suspended 80 Games For Steroid Use
Jenrry Mejía, who became the Mets closer partway through last season after beginning the year as a starter, has been suspended 80 games for testing positive for stanozolol:...

Cristiano Ronaldo Shills Underwear With His Dong
Fresh off a couple great performances for Real Madrid, Cristiano Ronaldo posted a new picture of himself stumping for his underwear line, prominently featuring his favorite teammate. Here’s the full photo of his crotch in all its glory:...

David Blatt Just Stands There Like A Buster And Parrots LeBron's Calls
ESPN NBA writer Brian Windhorst, who is as connected to LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers as any reporter can be, was a guest on Bill Simmons's latest podcast, and he dropped some juicy stuff about the various melodramas that have been hanging over the team all season. The whole thing is wo...

Gregg Popovich Calls Team "Pathetic" After Loss To Knicks
Last night, Gregg Popovich's San Antonio Spurs somehow managed to lose an overtime game to the Knicks, a team that regularly turns possessions into crimes against humanity. This wasn't one of those games where Pop sat all of his starters, either. This was a full-strength squad getting beasted by the...

Cristiano Ronaldo Reminds Us Why He's So Likable
In a weekend that saw Lionel Messi overtake Cristiano Ronaldo as the Spanish league's top scorer this season, Ronaldo can rest easy knowing his Argentine rival isn't likely to catch up to another one of his records: that of world's most-liked Facebook page. What makes him so beloved? Well, besides t...

Knicks Player Accidentally Does Something Good
The Knicks experienced a rare moment of good fortune in Sunday's game against the Suns, when Alexey Shved threw up a no-look shot in an attempt to draw a foul from Archie Goodwin. Somehow, the ball went in, giving Shved the chance at a three-point play....

Girl Scout Cookies: A Hurdle Too High
Full disclosure from the Olympic hurdler......

This Knicks-Lakers Game Is A War Crime
We might be in the NBA's Belle Époque, but this 15 second sequence is the lowest moment in NBA history. These two shots are crimes against humanity. If you are watching the Knicks-Lakers game please hit yourself in the face, and then instead watch the Cavaliers and Spurs on TNT....

Olympian On The IOC's Rules Against Sponsors: "It's Very Un-American"
We all know—or should know—that Olympic athletes don't make a penny from that 17-day extravaganza of running, jumping, throwing, swimming, flipping, etc. That pisses two-time Olympian Nick Symmonds off. It should, especially when you consider that even though about $6 billion went through the Inte...

Jason Smith's Dancing Is The Only Redeeming Thing About The Knicks
The Knicks are bullshit and should be ignored at all costs, but we can make an exception for power forward Jason Smith, who in this video busts out a series of dance moves at an energy level of a Pixie Stick-addled kid who just watched Ace Ventura: Pet Detective....

This Is The Worst Shot I've Ever Seen
The above GIF features one of the 400 or so best basketball players in a world earnestly attempting to make a shot—I think—in a real live basketball game that counted in the standings and everything. It went about 20 feet too high, 20 feet too deep, and 20 feet too wide, but at least Alexey Shved is...

No-Good, Terrible Defending Gives Monaco Commanding Lead On Arsenal
"Hey Gunners," Dimitar Berbatov said with a wry grin, wheeling away towards the corner flag after some shockingly terrible defending sent the former Spurs and Red Devil striker free on goal to put Monaco up 2-0, "remember me?"...

Guess Which Former Knick's Travel Alias Was "Ace Boogie"
A tipster passed along this list of travel aliases for Knicks players that was used during the 2012-13 season. When asked to confirm or deny its authenticity, a Knicks spokesperson wrote "I can't confirm it for you." ...

At Long Last The 76ers Accept That, Yes, It's Finally Time To Rebuild
You can imagine the bittersweet mixture of sadness, gratitude, and relief 76ers fans must be feeling this evening. Today, in a flurry of moves executed just before the NBA's annual trading deadline, general manager and president of basketball operations Sam Hinkie finally pulled the plug on a belove...

Lolo Jones Has Some Thoughts About <i>Fifty Shades Of Grey</i>
Lolo Jones, a famous virgin, is sick and tired of all you heathens failing to understand what God created sex for....

Amar'e Stoudemire Wrote A Cute Goodbye Poem To New York
The Knicks and Amar'e Stoudemire have finally parted ways, bringing an end to what was supposed to be an era of fortune and glory. Amar'e may not have ever lived up to his contract from a production standpoint, but he was a great Knick, as further evidenced by how he said goodbye to the city....

James Dolan Is Not Sorry About Being A Shitty Person
At a charity event today, Knicks owner James Dolan finally spoke about the email he sent this past Sunday, in which he responded to a lifelong fan's harsh but fair criticism by accusing that fan of being a miserable alcoholic. Unsurprisingly, Dolan is not really all that sorry about being a horrible...

Cristiano Ronaldo Sings, Drops It Like It's Hot At Birthday Party
Real Madrid’s crushing defeat at the hands of rivals Atlético almost put a damper on that night’s previously scheduled party in celebration of Cristiano Ronaldo turning 30. Almost. Instead of feeling too down, Cristiano decided to sing and boogie the night away. Here’s a GIF of his best move from th...

Reggie Evans Can't Believe That Giannis Antetokounmpo Is Just 20
Hey, Reggie Evans! Want to feel old? Just ask Giannis Antetokounmpo how old he is!...