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Shining Kings Of The Serengeti Beset By Cerulean Satans: Arkansas Pine Bluff-Duke Open Thread
Duke's better this year than it's been in a while; expect the Blue Devils to crack 120 in this game. Look for floor-slaps galore by the scrubs who get into the game with about seven minutes to play....

Rebels Try To Poach Panthers: Nothern Iowa-UNLV Open Thread (UPDATE)
Senior big man Jordan Egsleder leads his band of other people who look like they're from Iowa against Lon Kruger's Runnin' Rebels. Illinois and Atlanta Hawks fans, let your vitriol fly....

Cockpunch Night In The NIT
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Tom Izzo, Steve Mariucci: Young Lovers
These two handsome sonuvabitches knew they had something special: "Said Mariucci: "I swear to God, yes. People thought we were a little bit too close."[DetroitNews via Guyism]...

Cleveland's Lebron Tests Positive For Horse Steroids
Sure, it's an Indians' minor league catcher named Steven Lebron. But still, could you imagine? [Plain Dealer]...

What's Black And White And Read All Over?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Shady Business Practices In Miami
Demand, meet supply: the Dolphins will charge more money for fans who want to sit in the shade. Good, now they can watch Chad Henne struggle in relative comfort....

Civic-Minded Wrestler Of The Week: Tiger Jeet Singh
There's a minor controversy brewing in Ontario, where trustees have voted to name a public school after longtime wrestler Tiger Jeet Singh. Why all the fuss? It's not like he attacked audience members with his sword that many times....

Erin Andrews Becomes A Star Who Someone Will Dance With
"Dancing With The Stars" announced that its lineup for next season will include America's Sideline Princess, because apparently all you have to do is ask and they'll let you on. It's a pretty good system ABC's got going on there....

Stories That Don't Suck: T.K. On Rick Barry, Do You Believe In Headshrinking?, Norm, Taibbi Goes Gonzo
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Your USA-Finland Open Thread
The only thing that stands between us and a gold medal rematch with the Canadians is Finland, the Canada of Europe. Try out your umlauts and doubled vowels in the comments....

MTV, BET No Longer Safe From Chad Ochocinco
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Cold War Is Officially Back On
Evgeni Plushenko: "I was positive that I won. But I suppose Evan needs the medal more than I do. Maybe it's because I already have one." Oh, your plan all along was to un-retire to be runner-up, then? Burn. [WaPo]...

Where Is Your Quad Now?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

StarCaps Case Takes Heller-esque Turn
A judge says that for Kevin and Pat Williams's cases to proceed, they have to prove they are employed by the NFL, while the league maintains they are solely Vikings employees. Does Deadspin LLP care to weigh in? [Star Tribune]...

Tiger's Porn Mistress Claims Golfer Was Not A Fan Of Contraception
Veronica Siwik-Daniels a.k.a "Joslyn James" a.k.a. "Mistress #4,567" claims Tiger impregnated her twice during their earnest love-making sessions in Vegas hotel rooms. However, Radar reports she's a horrible, untrustworthy mom so you should be skeptical of her abortion stories....

If The Nets Lose And No One's Around To See It, Does It Still Count In The Standings? (Yes.)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Cavaliers' Own Watergate Takes An Illegal Turn
Remember how the Cavs removed the drinking fountains from The Q, ostensibly for "health reasons." Yeah, no. Turns out it's a building code violation. [Plain Dealer]...

Beer Is The Official Lifegiving Liquid Of Cleveland, And More Stories You Weren't Supposed To See
The Super Bowl is a black hole of news; anything non-football is quickly sucked in, never to escape into the public consciousness. Sometimes that's no accident. Here are three stories that were designed to fly under the radar....

Tall Car Salesman Is One Step Closer To Forever Changing College Sports
A district court judge said yesterday that Ed O'Bannon, who sells Toyotas in Nevada when he's not revolutionizing amateur athletics, can press on with his class-action licensing suit against the NCAA. Let's just pause and marvel at this anew:...