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Woody Paige On Kenny McKinley And His Own Suicide Plans
Go read Woody Paige's column about the late Kenny McKinley, in which he writes movingly of his own thoughts of suicide eight years ago: "The next morning I would head over to the coast and swim out in the Pacific Ocean far enough that I couldn't make it back to the beach."...

Let’s Welcome Special Guest Bill Conlin As He Helps Me Criticize Bill Conlin
Junior: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Fire Joe Morgan first....

After Enough Time Had Passed, Cousin Itt Finally Forgave Them For Imploding The Vet
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders, Part 987
It seems like twice a year there's a new Ryan Leaf story published, updating us on the whereabouts of the NFL's bust-of-all-busts who is always on the verge of a personal rebirth. Here we go again....

Here's a Picture of Sean Payton Looking Tip-Top
According to tipster kjlsports, defending Super Bowl champ Coach "Sean Payton was on Eastern Illinois's campus this weekend as his alma mater retired his jersey number."...

Coach Shows Childlike Enthusiasm When Hiring A Hooker
A Florida high school football coach was nabbed in a prostitution sting over the weekend, and the police report makes him sound like a kid on Christmas morning....

Fräulein Soccer Player Treats Other Fräulein Soccer Player In Very Un-Fräulein-Like Way
Taoba Kemmy of FFC Turbine Potsdam is not to be messed with when she's taking a throw-in because she may well throw it at your face. Don't believe it? Just ask FFC Frankfurt's Kerstin Garfrekes. [Unprofessional Foul]...

My Name Is Hurricane Earl
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Boring Bag! Your Temporary Fun Bag Replacement
While the Funbag is away, we still play, albeit dully. Time for The Boring Bag!...

Here Are Some Photos Of Marcus Jordan's $35,000 Night In Las Vegas
As you probably know, Marcus Jordan, spawn of Michael, spent an absurd amount of money last weekend at a Las Vegas nightclub. Some guy's ex-girlfriend was there, and he gave us a few pictures....

Now We Know Where MLS Stands In The Sports Pecking Order, And It's Not Pretty
The KC Wizards are forced to reschedule a game because the semi-pro Kansas City T-Bones need the stadium for a Northern League playoff game that night. Let's hope the new date doesn't conflict with any 4-H meetings. [KCWizards.com]...

Your Moment Of Auto-Erotica: "Oh, How He Tempted Her."
We recently discovered—but then forget—the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

The Manliest Sport In The World
You probably haven't heard of the Fight Football League. By the time you finish reading this post, it will be your favorite sport....

Patrick Kane Is More Alcohol Than Man At This Point
It's apparently Patrick Kane week here at Deadspin. So please accept this dump of assorted drunken sightings of the Blackhawks hero tooling around with Jimmy Buffett, rocking the flat-brimmed Reds cap, and getting "iced."...

Patrick Kane's Drunken Stanley Cup Road Trip Rolls On
That crazy kid puts down the Twlight books for a second to bring the Cup to Wrigleyville watering hole Moe's Cantina. Drinking out of the cup, and using it to pick up chicks? You betcha....

Here's Why Canada Should Lose its Baseball Privileges (Tha Remix)
Just when I thought the instant-classic "Brent Bowers Grabs Ankles, Repeatedly Calls Openly Gay Ref a Faggot" routine would be the last post about Edmonton-involved baseball, along came Thursday's Edmonton East Park Orioles game....

LeBron's List Grows Exponentially
"If you put in the hours, you can do anything," says goofy white kid who apparently smoked LeBron in a 3-point contest at a Cleveland-area amusement park the other day. Unclear whether he continued with, "At least that's what Delonte told me."...

Breaking: Patrick Kane, Stanley Cup Stuck Atop A Ladder Truck In Downtown Buffalo
That is all. You may resume your business. [h/t Tom]...

Pat Tillman's Father To Brigadier General: "Fuck You ... And Yours"
The Huffington Post has Pat Tillman Sr.'s 2005 letter to Brigadier General Gary M. Jones, who was leading the investigation into the death of his son: "I assume, therefore, that you are part of this shameless bullshit." [Huffington Post]...

World Sauna Championships End In Death
The finals of the annual Sauna Championships in Finland went horribly wrong, with the Russian competitor dying after suffering severe burns from withstanding 230-degree temperatures for six minutes. The Finn retained his title by only having to go to the hospital. [BBC]...