on Page 6406 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......

What Not To Do With A Championship Trophy
Yep, the Chiefs won their Canadian Hockey League title and then promptly dropped and broke the trophy. They were booed for it, but man, if this ever happens to the Stanley Cup, fans will tear the place apart. (Lil Jon will be first in line.) We've always wondered when something like this would happe...

MLB.tv And Soccer Bars: Sacre Bleu!
We've been taking too many vacations lately, so now that we're back from our long weekend in Paris, we're gonna get back to work and start hammering shit out. We won't bore you with details or endless photos from the trip. We ate a lot, we drank a lot, we saw some dead bodies....

Willie Randolph Still Employed, But Watch This Space For Further Developments
New Yorkers keen on saving the environment can dig up all of that old Fire Isiah signage, and with a few quick edits, can make fun, functional Fire Willie signs. It's the least you can do to help save the planet. Only moments after top brass announced that he will not be fired (at least not this min...

The Stanley Cup Finals Mule Variations
The NHL Closer is written by five octopi from Melt Your Face Off. When Al Sobotka isn't twirling us over his head, we're served with pickled ginger, green onion and mayonnaise in takoyaki. Raskolnikov emptied his ink sacs to write a recap of last night's action....

McDyess Listens To Voices In Head, Kills Celtics
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who was in no way, shape or form ready for a playoff explosion from McDyess. But hey, nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition, right? When he's not puzzling until his puzzler is sore, he can be found eating a burrito as big as his head at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...

About Last Night
What you missed during your annual headlong pursuit of rolling cheese ... • NBA: Pistons roll the McDyess, even series with Celtics 2-all. • NHL: The Osgood File ... Red Wings trample Flightless Sea Fowl, 3-0. • MLB: Walk-off walk ends 12-inning scoreless duel to win it for Angels; a result which, s...

Remembering, On Memorial Day
It's Memorial Day, and, like most of you, we're off until tomorrow. As our one post today, as tradition, we remember Pat Tillman, along with all veterans, and honor all those still serving. If you need something to read today and reflect, here's Gary Smith's outstanding Tillman story from a couple ...

Someone Not Named Danica Wins Indy 500
Scott Dixon, seen here winning an unrelated reace, is your 2008 Indianapolis 500 winner. This makes it 39 years that the prestigious Brickyard race hasn't been won by either a woman or an Andretti. The New Zealander won his first 500 the year after he lost the IRL championship on the last lap of the...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while remodeling Bubble Man's dorm room... • 5 p.m. — NASCAR: Coca-Cola 600, Concord, North Carolina. In a blind race test, what's more exciting: this race or the Pepsi 400? [FOX] • 7 p.m. — NCAA softball: Georgia at UCLA. There's no crying in softball, but there's no by-laws applicabl...

You'll Want to Watch Ronny Turiaf For 12 Minutes Straight
TNT is rhetorically asking who you [points menacingly] want to have their own dedicated camera on for the first quarter. Natch, Kobe Bryant is running away with the vote, but the Turiaf movement is underway. Sadly, it's not going so well:...

Soccer Girlfriends Are Easy
• Cristiano Ronaldo's new girlfriend does all the positions, and all you have to do is take her to parties and give her money. [Unprofessional Foul] • Mike Piazza and Jeff Garcia are twins. And yet they look nothing alike. [The Big Lead] • When skilled 12-year-old girl basketball players make the bo...

Marion Barber Unaware Of Marion Barber Rule
Keeping with the obliviousness-to-rules motif — hey, it makes us feel better about ourselves — Dallas Cowboys running back Marion Barber III, esq. has made a name for himself by stiff arming the defenders in the face. Apparently that's always been a rule. But now the league will begin to clamp down ...

You Mean The Speed-Up Rules Began THIS Weekend?
Hopefully you caught wind of Major League Baseball's new directive to enforce rules that speed up the game, if from no other source, from Jim Leyland's awesome rant. But apparently the Red Sox didn't get the memo. Correction: they read it, they just didn't read it....

When The Simpsons Were Edgy, But Not Funny
There've been a lot of Simpsons games throughout the years, few of them any good. The one that stands the test of time was probably the original arcade game. I recommend it today as you watch the Indy 500. So I know what you're asking. "Where am I going to find the original arcade machine?" That rea...

Beckett And Boston Get ________ed
Justin Duchscherer was joking around before his start against the Boston Red Sox: ''I said, 'Those guys don't want none of me today 'cuz I'm going to pull a Lester on 'em,'' Duchscherer recalled with a grin. ''In the sixth inning, I was thinking, 'Did I really say that before the game?' '' Yes, Just...

Pistons Lose Despite Home Court, Insane Fans
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's hoping that Spring will eventually come to Chicago. Not that 40-degree weather isn't fun...in, like, December. When he's not hating the hell out of the Midwestern weather, he can be found doing a sunshine dance at Basketbawful. Enjoy! There's no place...

Careful, It's Slippery
This angle, for which I am ever thankful the morning after, is not the greatest; CBC's camera had a better view, combined with two men sitting on the ice a couple feet away wearing Red Wings apparel, laughing their octopi-molesting asses off. At first I thought those two seedy Michiganders had somet...