politics Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Angry Diaper President Lashes Out At LeBron James On Twitter
Our idiot president spent his Friday night engaged in the extremely healthy and productive behavior we’ve all come to expect from the leader of the free world: watching cable news enough to get somehow dumber and angrier, and then picking a fight about it on Twitter....
Undertaker's Demonic, Pyromaniacal Brother Elected Mayor Of Tennessee County
Republican Glenn Jacobs, also known as WWE’s Kane, was elected mayor of Knox County, Tennessee, Thursday. Kane won the Republican primary back in May by just 17 votes, and immediately became the overwhelming favorite for the gig in the solidly conservative area....
The Ethics Watchdog Going After Jim Jordan Helped Kill The Sex-Abuse Case Against Kevin Johnson<em></em>
Last week, professional ethics arbiter Norman Eisen asked Congress to investigate the Ohio State sex abuse allegations and any role played by Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio), a former NCAA national wrestling champion and longtime assistant coach of the Buckeye wrestling team....
Cardinals President Michael Bidwill, Who Wants To Get Back To Football, Uses Team To Make Political Statement
As the case of Colin Kaepernick has shown, silent demonstration is employment poison in the NFL. If a person wants to push their political views, it’s best to be in charge of a team, so they can also co-opt said team’s website and Twitter account to stump for an old high school chum....
Kane Is Back In The Mix In WWE...While Running For Mayor At Home
Tuesday’s edition of WWE SmackDown Live ended with something of a surprise. Daniel Bryan was being beaten down by The Bludgeon Brothers when Kane, his former tag team partner, returned to help him out. The day was saved, fans celebrated, and it all felt so familiar that it was easy to miss how weird...
Civility Is For Losers
It’s not that there aren’t sports happening. Sports are happening, for sure. The latest chapter in the epic Panama/Tunisia rivalry will be written later today in the World Cup, MLB’s regular season is wheezing grandly into the early part of its Boring And Insignificant portion, and NBA weirdos are g...
Mike Leach Is Extremely Normal
Mike Leach is not mad, but mostly he is not crazy. He’s your average Fox News viewer, mostly, but also famous and rich and the best-paid public employee in the state of Washington....
Report: EPA Head Scott Pruitt Used His Position To Get 50-Yard-Line Seats For The Rose Bowl
I find myself more impressed than anything by EPA head Scott Pruitt’s venality. Sure, the man is corrupt. But he’s corrupt in ways no one had ever even conceived of before! The man’s unflagging creativity in graft is inspiring, in its gross way, and his drive is something to behold. For the rest of ...
Bitchin' Politician Just Blasts Himself Right In The Eyeballs With Pepper Spray!
Levi Tillemann is a Democrat running for Congress in Colorado’s sixth congressional district, and he wants you to know he is a leader who will work to “break through the partisan gridlock” and honestly I missed most of the rest of it because holy shit the guy just unloads a fucking quart of pepper s...
Trump Thinking "Very Seriously" About Pardoning Muhammad Ali, Who Has No Criminal Record
Muhammad Ali’s career in the ring came to a standstill in 1967 upon the late boxer’s conviction for avoiding the Vietnam Draft by declaring himself a conscientious objector. Four years later, the U.S. Supreme Court reversed that conviction by a unanimous vote; 47 years later, Donald Trump is suggest...
There Is No Evidence Whatsoever That ESPN Is Losing Subscribers Due To Its "Politics"
The Wall Street Journal went deep on money problems in Bristol today in an article titled “How a Weakened ESPN Became Consumed by Politics.” The feature, like many others that have come before, presents as a fact that the Worldwide Leader is hemorrhaging subscribers due to a perceived shift to the ...
Report: Trump-Signed Alabama Football Caused White House Drama, And Now Nobody Knows Where It Is
In a performance that had many praising its avant-garde catchphrase stylings, President Trump welcomed the national champion Alabama Crimson Tide football team to the White House last month and proceeded to speak for approximately three hours about, I assume, how he’s actually glad he didn’t win the...
Trump Forms Sports Council Featuring Bill Belichick, Lou Ferrigno, And Dr. Oz, For Some Reason
Sports genius Donald Trump has done the inevitable, again. This time, the big lad has put his close personal friend Bill Belichick on an official Presidential council. Shockingly, Belichick will not be in charge of any nuclear weaponry or an actual department of significance, which honestly would ha...
Report: Donald Trump Spent Quality Time Last Week Talking Football With Bill Belichick
In 1993, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen found time between Full House episodes to record an album called I Am the Cute One. Songs include “I Am a Kid,” “I Love to Scream,” and “No One Tells the President What to Do.” The last of those is a celebration of the truth of its title—the president can do whate...
Canadian Senator Gives Official Speech About How Americans Are Ruining Hockey Broadcasts
Canadian Senator David Adams Richards, a relative newbie in the upper house, took the time on Tuesday to give an official, on-the-record speech to his colleagues featuring a pretty spicy sports take: American announcers are ruining hockey....
You Can't Bully These Motherfuckers
When I write that CNN politics writer Chris Cillizza is the rankest assbrain in the Western Hemisphere, I am not being nice to him. When I write that God clowned Chris Cillizza before he was born by making him Chris Cillizza instead of a shit-eating maggot, I am being unkind. When I say that Chris C...
Annoyingly Coy Report: Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie Called Donald Trump's Presidency "Disastrous"
Buried near the end of this New York Times article about the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles talking to the White House about planning a visit is a tidbit about team owner Jeffrey Lurie “using a vulgarity” to call Donald Trump’s presidency “disastrous.” That quote seems like it’d be more imp...
<i>The Atlantic </i>Fires Opinion Writer For Opinions He Held When They Hired Him To Write His Opinions For <i>The Atlantic</i>
Does it qualify as a Milkshake Duck if they knew the duck was racist to begin with? What the hell has even happened here?...
Windswept Honey Bun Boards Presidential Aircraft
President Donald Trump’s workday on Thursday included two actual things. That day officially began at 11 a.m., per his public schedule, when Trump received his daily intelligence briefing. There’s no telling how long this takes, as Trump famously likes his briefings short and colorful and chart-base...