port Page 983 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Polls: You Love You Some Sheriff
Well, the readers have spoken, and in yet another trouncing — we never have any close polls around here, which we suppose is our fault — your favorite Clinton Portis costume is Sheriff Gonna Getcha, with 38.1 percent of the vote. (We think it's the Led Zeppelin shirt; impossible to resist it.) Sec...
Vote: Which Is The Best Portis Alter Ego?
For those of you who haven't been paying attention to the gradual, meticulous mental breakdown of Clinton Portis, the Redskins running back has been dressing up as a new "character" — and, Method-like, staying in character during interviews — for each media conference every Thursday. (It is to Por...
Clinton Portis. Clinton Portis. Say It With Us Now.
If it's Friday, it must be time to check in on the weird shit Clinton Portis came up with yesterday. We've documented Portis' antics extensively, and he did not disappoint yesterday with his new character: "Dollah Bill." This character's a little less inspired than "Dr. 'I Don't Know'" and "Sheri...
The Onion, But With Sports!
We'd like to take this moment to congratulate fellow Interweb sports humor site SportsPickle on its 200th "issue" and its fourth birthday. On the whole, we find Onion knockoff sites exhausting, mostly just pale photocopies of the real thing, but we've always liked what ESPN Mag contributor DJ Gall...
Some Things You See That You Can't Unsee
From the evil-minded souls at Rotten.com — a site best viewed alone in an abandoned, completely dark dorm room, at 4 a.m. — comes a site that has apparently been around a while, though we hadn't seen it: The aptly named SportsDignity.com, which features countless photos of athletes (and fans) is v...
Authors With Pure Hearts: Jere Longman
It has been brought to our attention that, as much as people might like our Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks feature, sometimes it's nice to point out good sportswriting. We agree; we're very friendly people and love great sportswriting as much, if not more, than anyone. Henceforth, we introduce ou...
Peter King, Hello!
We have always liked Sports Illustrated's Peter King, up until a couple of years ago, at least. He was plugged in, incredible for information, and had that everyman quality we Web people enjoy. But — and maybe because he's gotten all thin now, or maybe it's the breakneck schedule he keeps — he is ...
Clinton Portis Still Selling Crazy, Man
In case you thought Redskins running back Clinton Portis was becoming more sane as the weeks went by rather than less, you can relax. We proudly present his newest concoction: "Sheriff Gonna Getcha."...
The Amazing Ray Ratto Mug Shift
Who says we don't have clout? Following our blistering indictment of Ray Ratto's new CBS Sportsline column mug yesterday, the site changed it. Ratto's face is now partly visible, where in the first one you could only see his eyes and the top of his head. They still have a way to go, obviously, but...
Ray Ratto's Weird Mug
San Francisco Chronicle sports columnist Ray Ratto is a talented writer — he'll never appear in our feature Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks, for instance. (We're pretty sure. Unless he does). A former contributor to ESPN.com, he recently shifted over to CBS Sportsline. But with that move came th...
Meet The New Packers Running Back
The Packers might be down to to their fifth-string running back, but that's hardly a bad thing. In fact, new fantasy obsessive pickup Samkon Gado is one of our new favorite players, because we've come across MySpace profile, and, all told, we think the guy sounds kind of cool....
Clinton Portis' Methodical Meltdown
That guy right there is Redskins running back Clinton Portis, who is slowly limping toward madness, right before everyone's eyes. This week, before last night's win over the Eagles, Portis announced that his previous character, Southeast Jerome, had died and now he was Dr. I Don't Know. Who is Dr....
This Week In Foreign Sports
Their terminology is confusing, they're often not allowed to touch the ball with their hands and occasionally royalty shows up to watch for a few minutes before heading back to the castle. It's weird sports from other lands, which when you get down to it, are no more ridiculous than ours. News it...
FoxTrax: Edifier, Clutterer Or Some Other Big Word?
The New York Times has a long story today about the "space-needy data" and "edifying nature" of FOX'S FoxTrax, that thing that Fox introduced for the World Series, which tracks the speed, curve and location of each pitch. The NYT is crazy about the device, and we agree that, done properly, it's a ...
There Will Be No Sheep Tackling Here, No Sir!
To close out this sleepy Monday, we bring you sport from the other side of the pond; more specifically, the banning of such. The BBC reports that in New Zealand — wait ... that's not really "the other side of the pond," is it?; sorry, we went to grade school in the United States and thusly know no...
CBS Sportsline's "Spin" 45 Percent Less Dope
We are very sad to report that CBS Sportsline's Spin page — which is like ESPN's Page 2 if Page 2 were visited by Poochie from "The Itchy And Scratchy Show" — has is no longer referring to fantasy football columnist Eric Mack as "Emack." The front page of the site is using his real name now, trag...
NFL Roundup: Portis' Head
• Contrary to popular belief, Redskins running back Clinton Portis was not doing an impersonation of Yankees center fielder Bernie Williams chasing a fly ball while doing that cartwheel in the end zone yesterday. Good guess, though. • We're not saying that Cincinnati was getting a little too excit...
Bamberger Can't Stay Away From High Schoolers
We have a hard time getting all fired up about teenage golf "sensation" Michelle Wie. Nothing against her, of course; she seems like a nice enough girl. It's just that we find it incredibly strange that everyone's using a barely pubescent girl who hasn't won any tournaments to try to get us to watch...
Bill Romanowski, Workout FREAK
After uncovering the groundbreaking scoop that Ricky Williams likes to smoke pot, "60 Minutes" this weekend talks to former Bronco Bill Romanowski about his steroid abuse. Yep: Romanowski used to take steroids. This, by our count, is about the fourth time Romanowski has "confessed" to steroid use;...
Presenting The Stupidest Sport Ever
We were pretty sure that the end of civilization was near when we discovered Korfball. After a close examination of Korfball, it became very clear that humans have too much time on their hands, and it would be better for everyone if we just gave everything back to the lower mammals, letting them s...