portugal - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

World Cup 2022 — Group H preview: Yes, Portugal can win this and no, it won’t be pleasant if they doLet’s get the main reason out of the way. No one outside of Portugal wants to see giant pain in the ass, huffing his own farts, twice-accused rapist Cristiano Ronaldo — who has denied the allegations — hoist the trophy. It was bad enough in 2016 when he left the final injured that he made sure every...

Portuguese Soccer Teen Absolutely Cooks A Keeper With Filthy Spin MoveIf ever a soccer move deserved the Chris Berman “WHOOP!” sound, it’s the perfectly executed spin Francisca Nazareth hit the goalkeeper with before scoring Portugal’s fourth goal in a U19 friendly against Turkey. Rounding the keeper is one thing, but twirling her is something else entirely:...

England's FA Hopes Internet Shaming Will Prevent The Lads From Acting Like Absolute KnobsThe most recent instance of English lads descending on the Iberian peninsula for a soccer match ended up making international news after a Brit shoved an old man into a fountain. So it makes sense that England’s Football Association would want to stop any such debacle in its tracks as the Three Lio...

Portuguese Soccer Officials And Juventus Offer Dumbass Thoughts On Cristiano Ronaldo Rape Allegations

Earlier today, Portugal’s national team manager, Fernando Santos, and the country’s soccer federation president, Fernando Gomes, competed to see who could be the biggest, most tone-deaf moron when they each offered their commentary on the rape allegation attached to Cristiano Ronaldo. Not content wi...

Edinson Cavani Leads The Shithouse Kings Of Uruguay To Victory Over Portugal

Uruguay are the masters of ugly. Their style of play is defined by lining up 11 guys who want to sprint around for 90 minutes kicking the shit out of the ball and the opposition, taking the so-called beautiful game and shoulder-barging it into the muck and grime of the pitch, and trying to emerge fr...

Iranian Goalie Who Exposed Ronaldo As A Fraud Went From Being A Homeless Runaway To The World Freaking Cup

Portugal was denied the full three points in their 1-1 draw against Iran today, thanks in massive part to a save from Iranian goalkeeper Alireza Beiranvand on a Cristiano Ronaldo penalty kick. Ronaldo, who failed to score today, was newly exposed as a massive fraud when his attempt at a powerful sho...

World Cup Referee Swears He Didn't Ask Ronaldo For His Shirt

Portugal beat Morocco 1-0 yesterday in what was a highly frustrating game for the Moroccans. After falling behind early, Morocco dominated most of the game but just couldn’t find the back of the net despite having numerous good chances. That frustration stuck with Morocco midfielder Nordin Amrabat a...

Cristiano Ronaldo's New Goal Celebration Makes Him Look Like A Big Dweeb

Cristiano Ronaldo is not “cool.” It’s a little strange because he has many of the traits commonly associated with coolness—he’s famous, successful, cocky, handsome, has a body that looks like it was carved out of marble, has dated a number of the most gorgeous women in the world, etc.—and yet the ov...