Portugal Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cristiano Ronaldo Caps Incredible Game With Incredible Hat-Trick Free-Kick Goal
Cristiano Ronaldo just played one of the best games of his life. He was outstanding throughout today’s Portugal-Spain match, holding up play like a champ, giving life to numerous counterattacks with ingenious flicks and passes, and, oh yeah, scoring three goddamn goals in what ended as a 3-3 tie. Hi...
Ugly Boner Gifts Ronaldo His Second Goal Of The World Cup
A pretty goofy first half between Portugal and Spain ended with a huge momentum swing for Portugal thanks to a giant boner from Spanish goalie David de Gea, normally one of the best shot stoppers in the world....
Cristiano Ronaldo Beats Lionel Messi (At Tax Evasion)
Real Madrid and Portugal striker Cristiano Ronaldo has reportedly settled his tax fraud charges with Spanish authorities, agreeing to pay $21.7 million, or approximately €18.7 million, to stay out of prison and receive only a suspended two-year sentence. Ronaldo’s achievement breaks the tax evasion...
Cristiano Ronaldo And The People He Shares His Country With Will Not Win The World Cup
Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal won the 2016 European Championship, so they’re not not likely to make a deep push in the World Cup. Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal will likely advance out of their group, alongside Spain, and they could make it even further into the knockout rounds with some luck. But ...
Portugal Forward Jéssica Silva Is The Queen Of Filthy Nutmegs
Meet Jéssica Silva, forward for Spanish club Levante and the Portuguese national team. Last week, she made an appearance for Portugal in a Euro 2021 qualifier against Belgium. This gave her an opportunity to do what she does best, which is to absolutely ruin defenders with beautifully disgusting nut...
The Guy Who Made That Hideous Ronaldo Bust Made A Better One
Emanuel Santos, the sculptor of the creepy Cristiano Ronaldo bust that blessed the airport in Madeira, Portugal, has tried again. In a documentary directed by Kelly Naqui and published by Bleacher Report, Santos describes what it was like to be mocked by the entire world (he said it was hard, both h...
Four Idiots On The Field Invade Portugal Match; One Tries To Kiss Cristiano Ronaldo
At one point during today’s Portugal-Netherlands friendly match, there were three Idiots On The Field who tried to share a moment with Cristiano Ronaldo. One of them went so far as to attempt to lock lips with the Portugal captain:...
I Hope To Be Like This Surfer And Survive Life's Batterings
In the grand metaphor of life, where the ocean is the world and we are the surfer getting battered against some rocks, it’s comforting to know that there are people like Australian Ross Clarke-Jones. ...
The USMNT's Newest Teen Sensation Provides Hope, Teammate Snatches It Away
Today is the USMNT’s first game back on the pitch since The Loss. From the ashes of such a debilitating defeat, the young and relatively unheralded group interim manager Dave Sarachan put out to face Portugal had a chance to win back some of the fan base’s faith. Which they did! Until they didn’t....
The Best Soccer Story Is This Portuguese Team Accusing A Rival Of Hiring Witch Doctor
Porto and Benfica are the two biggest clubs in Portuguese soccer, and as such harbor a fierce rivalry. There is no step these clubs wouldn’t take in their never ending struggle to best the other. Including, according to Porto’s communications director, resorting to witchcraft....
Portugal's Horrendous Penalty Shootout Performance Sends Chile To Confed Cup Final
After a lively though scoreless 120 minutes of Confederations Cup soccer between Portugal and Chile, the South Americans advanced to the final on penalty kicks thanks in part to Claudio Bravo but mostly to Portugal’s penalty takers, who were shockingly bad....
Video Replay In Soccer Sucks
For most of the soccer world, this summer’s Confederations Cup is the first time fans will have seen the sport’s much ballyhooed instant replay system live and in action. And as anyone familiar with replay’s fundamental epistemological shortcomings could’ve predicted, the whole process blows....
Cristiano Ronaldo Gave A Truly Moving Speech After Winning Euro 2016
Literally nothing bad to say about this. Cristiano Ronaldo did a legitimately cool thing. I’m as shocked as you....
<i>First Take </i>Has Nothing On These Portuguese Soccer Pundits
We might think America’s cadre of shouty TV sports agitators is particularly impressive in a dark and horrifying kind of way, but these two guys on Portugal’s Prolongamento seem like they could bury even Stephen A. Smith under a mountain of shrieks and insults with no problem....
Hey, Cristiano Ronaldo Scored A Pretty Cool Goal!
Well, well, would you look at this. Global icon, all-time soccer great, and technological marvel (seriously, how did they make this android so convincingly human that it takes a solid 10 minutes or so of listening to him before you realize he was “born” in an evil scientist’s underground bunker?) Cr...
Cristiano Ronaldo Dominated The Euro 2016 Final Without Even Playing
Eventually, as the days become months and months become years after yesterday’s Euro 2016 final, where Portugal bested France in extra time, no one will remember that it was the poorly played—though passionate—conclusion to a tournament that itself was stuffed with teams that played like our endeari...
Sweet Little Portuguese Boy Consoles Crying French Fan
It’s going to be so sad when these two grow up and are beating the shit out of each other in Euro 2024....
Pepe Le Puke
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Portugal Break Euro 2016 Final Deadlock In 109th Minute
A Cristiano Ronaldo-less Portugal took an extra time lead against France as Éder blasted a strike past Hugo Lloris, who had been a brick wall throughout the match....
Ronaldo Hurt; Assaulted By Moth
Cristiano Ronaldo was injured early in today’s Euro 2016 final against France, and after two trips to the sidelines the Portugal star has finally been removed from the match in the 24th minute....