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Tim Tebow Waited 16 Minutes And 40 Seconds To Mention Jesus At Today's Press Conference
Tim Tebow's New York Jets debutante ball is over, and while he (reliably) avoided saying much of anything interesting, doing a quick analysis of the press conference transcript (via closed captioning) may provide some clues as to how the quarterback (?) will adapt to the New York media sphere. ...

Peter Crouch Just Scored The Goal Of The Year In English Soccer
Peter Crouch's volley would be astounding in any context, but that it put Stoke up 1-0 on Manchester City makes it that much more a golazo. If Rooney's bicycle goal last season was its top score, Crouch's today is almost certainly that of the '11-'12 campaign. [Fox Soccer]...

Emile Heskey's Elbow Thoroughly Mangled Johan Djourou's Nose
Today's Arsenal-Aston Villa match from Ashburton Grove got off to a violent start as Gunners defender Johan Djourou took Emile Heskey's elbow straight to the beak—though Djourou was as much responsible for propelling his face into Heskey as much as anything. Despite spending several minutes down o...

Fabrice Muamba Was Alive And Cracking Jokes After Being "Dead" For 78 Minutes
From now until the end of the season, we'll be posting a number of clips from the previous weekend's English Premier League games. If there's a goal, save, dive, lip-read profanity, or hocked sputum we should know about, drop us a line at [email protected]. (You might also enjoy our better-late-than...

Abandon Your Prejudices: LeBron James And The Heat Wear Hoodies For Trayvon Martin
LeBron James sent out the above photo on Twitter today, hashtagged "#WeAreTrayvonMartin #Hoodies #Stereotyped #WeWantJustice." (The Miami Herald described the image as "capturing the collective sorrow of so many," which rather misses the point.)...

7 Ways <i>The Hunger Games</i>'s Bleak Future Is Exactly Like All Other Bleak Sci-Fi Futures (Except With Lenny Kravitz)
The Hunger Games finally comes out today, but already the movie's been analyzed from every angle: its potentially huge box-office numbers, why Katniss Everdeen is a female role model, whether or not it's the new Twilight, and, perhaps most importantly, whether or not Lenny Kravitz's stylist characte...

The Spurs May Be Near The Top Of The NBA, But Their Tickets Are In The Cellar
Time for another look at the least-wanted NBA tickets of the past month. The list of teams on the discount leaderboard is mostly what you'd expect: the Nets, Kings, Jazz, and Hornets, all lottery teams if the season were to end today....

Rob Gronkowski's Public Relations Team's Official Response To Our Spring Break Photos And That Story About The 16-Year-Old
Rob Gronkowski's official (unsolicited) comment, presented without comment:...

The Yankees Quit A Tie Game And Went Home, And Bobby Valentine Is Furious
It's only March, but new Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine is already in midseason antagonistic prick form. The latest controversy? A stupid spring training game, because the Yankees and the Red Sox can't even play a simple spring training game without being children....

The End Of The World Will Be Announced By Pat Kiernan
About three minutes into 4:44 Last Day on Earth, an extremely indulgent and stupid movie that opens tomorrow and that you should absolutely not see, NY1 anchor Pat Kiernan stares into the camera and prepares us all to die. If the world is gonna end, if we're all gonna go out together, if that's how ...

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: Yokozuna (Deadspin Classic)
The WWE revealed on Tuesday that it will induct the late Yokozuna (born Rodney Anoa'i) into its Hall of Fame. In 2010, our Dead Wrestler of the Week column paid tribute to the big man. Originally published April 23, 2010....

Manchester City's Ready To Embrace Carlos Tevez Again After His Assist Of Today's Winning Goal Against Chelsea
With a goal that delivered a mighty challenge to the soccer power structure in Manchester, Samir Nasri put City up 2-1 on Chelsea and helped produce a win that brought the squad a single point behind Manchester United at the top of the Barclays Premier League standings....

<i>The Raid: Redemption</i>: Why We Love Our Ultra-Violent Movies
Audiences crave what they're not allowed to see. When you're a kid, there's an undeniable thrill in sneaking into your first R-rated movie, but even as adults we're suckers for the forbidden. That's why we can't get enough red-band trailers—oooh, extra swearing and nudity!—and why we'll buy the "unr...

Dan Snyder And Mike Shanahan Fly To Waco, Immediately Go To Hooters
Today is Baylor's pro day, when Robert Griffin III (and some saps who aren't RGIII) will showcase their wares for any scouts who want to come watch. The Colts will be there, just doing their due diligence. But this is really for the Redskins, who'll likely have Griffin with the second pick, and they...

Watch Teens Get Snuffed In A Sick Dystopia Where People Like Watching Teens Get Snuffed! <i>The Hunger Games</i>, Reviewed.
1. I feel I need to say this out front about The Hunger Games, since I'd never read the young adult book and wasn't quite sure what I was in for: This movie has a lot of on-screen child murders. Now, maybe on the page, this was less jarring, with the whole inherent textual not-having-to-look-in-the-...

NIU Football Player Faces Assault Charges For Bulldozing A Band Member
Northern Illinois linebacker Jamaal Bass (No. 6 in the video, No. 1 in our hearts) was suspended for two games after an incident in November, when he ran over a poor Toledo band member. The trouble's not over: an Ohio grand jury has indicted Bass on one count of felonious assault and one count of ...

What Happens When A 35-Year-Old Man Retakes The SAT?
I took the SAT a grand total of one time when I was in dipshit prep school. This was 1993. Like any other kid, I wanted to do well on the test, primarily so that I would NEVER have to take it again, but also because kids at my school were real dicks about their SAT scores. You'd hear through the gra...

C.J. Wilson Tweets Mike Napoli's Phone Number. It's Less "Good Prank, Guy" And More "Wow, Dick Move."
Oh good, I see we've reached that point of spring training where everyone's bored and ready for real baseball to start. Tis the silly season, when online personality and sometime pitcher C.J. Wilson takes to Twitter and posts former teammate Mike Napoli's cell phone number to the world....

Miguel Cabrera Bleeds All Over The Infield After Taking Grounder To The Face
Cabrera, by necessity the Tigers' new third baseman, got a rude welcome to the hot corner in today's spring training game in Clearwater. A Hunter Pence grounder took a bad hop and caught Cabrera directly in the sunglasses, which cut open his cheek and ruined a perfectly good uniform with human blo...

Here Are Some Angry Letters People Sent To The FCC After M.I.A. Flipped Off The Super Bowl
Maybe this doesn't need to be said, but normal people don't complain to the FCC. It's not that they don't get offended: it's just that it takes a hell of a lot more to offend them than the sort of thing that actually makes it on television. Like M.I.A. slipping a middle finger past NBC censors. Not ...