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Plaxico Burress Talks About Being in Prison, Doesn't Seem to Like It
The New York Daily News spared no hokey imagery in bringing America the long-awaited "Hey, I wonder how Plaxico Burress feels after almost a year of being locked up" story today....

Lions Cheerleaders Not Allowed To Be Lions Cheerleaders
Following the lead of just about every other team, Detroit has finally brought in some spirit. A few caveats: they're not allowed to cheer, and they're not allowed to be affiliated with the Detroit Lions. You're doing it wrong....

Football Dad Motivates Son With BB Gun, Overdoses, Has Fantastic Mugshot
A Florida man who this weekend was charged with prodding his stepson to run "football sprints" while motivationally waving a BB gun is now in the hospital after an apparent overdose....

Jet Blue: A Multimedia Analysis Of Rex Ryan's Swearing, Week 5
Every week, Alan Siegel and Deadspin's crack video team will break down Rex Ryan's frequent use of profanity on HBO's Hard Knocks. Episode 5: The season ends with a "fucking" flurry....

Deadspin I-Team: The Case Of Owen Wilson Urinating In Public
See that photo, I-Team? That's the guy from Marmaduke pissing on a golf course yesterday. Yes, he's wearing a Warriors shirt. But there is so much more to know, I-Team. That's where you come into play....

Pro Football Doubletalk
We missed the initial to-do over the scene depicted here, wherein Albert Haynesworth mills around enormously in the vicinity of a defensive meeting, but it's since become something of a Rorschach that determines if you're a sensible human being or Mike Florio....

Last Night's Winner: Naughty Text Messaging
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Chris Rainey and Francisco Rodriguez, who allegedly sent their sometime ladyfriends the sort of text messages that our country's law enforcement frown upon....

Another Wrestler Dies Of Another Heart Attack
Mike "Bastion Booger" Shaw, 53, died over the weekend of a heart attack. He famously feuded with Bam Bam Bigelow (dead of a drug overdose) over Bigelow's valet, Luna Vachon (dead of a likely drug overdose). [FanHouse]...

Tiger Woods Can't Stop Swearing, Breaking Promises To Stop Swearing
Tiger Woods, whether he's chastising himself or enthusiastically congratulating a friend, cannot stop swearing—around his kids, no less. Oh fuck no....

The Bill Simmons Top Secret Editorial Project Is Underway
What is it? Nobody knows. Well, some people do, but since it's in its early developmental stages and most people don't want to step on the Sports Fella's dick while he staffs up and conceptualizes....

Extremely In-Depth Profiles In Courage: Ines Sainz
As you know, Ines Sainz's rough treatment at the hands of the Jets has some crying sexual harassment and others crying no blood, no foul, or something. But what do we really know about her? Let's investigate....

Robert Green Will Never Be Allowed To Forget His World Cup Gaffe
The poor bastard made one little mistake in his Premier League match that was slightly similar to his cock-up against the US, and immediately, everywhere, it's "Robert Green will never recover from the World Cup."...

Bernard Pollard Tells Reggie Wayne Off
When he isn't maiming members of the Patriots, Bernard Pollard moonlights as one of the better safeties in the NFL. However, as Reggie Wayne learned yesterday, Pollard isn't doing any of this all that quietly. H/T Mike and Tim....

10 Footballers Who Wouldn’t Visit Prostitutes (NSFW-ish)
If you'd asked The Spoiler a month or so ago to name one footballer who definitely wouldn't reach into his pocket to score some cheap sex with a proz, the name Peter Crouch would have been at the top of the list....

Your College Football Late Game Open Thread
Michigan at Catholics. Convicts at Ohio State. Penn State vs. Alabama. It all pales in comparison to the Presbyterian Blue Hose vs. Clemson blood feud. But that's just me. What's just you?...

How <em>Dare</em> You Paint Pro Basketball Players as "Bed-Hopping Womanisers"
Some upfront facts: Bruton and Loggins are Australian Hall of Fame "basketballers" and "spruik" is a synonym for "promote."...

Fake Press Release Makes Worthless Cubs/Brewers Game Temporarily Interesting
How do you make a Cubs/Brewers interesting when they have a combined 126-155 record? You slip a fake press release supposedly written by Cubs GM Jim Hendry into the press pack! Here's a pic (via Paul Sullivan's Twitter) ......

Deadspin Classic: The Brewers Meet The Furries
Originally published July 6, 2007...

Vera Zvonareva is a Youth-Prison Riot Fetishist's Wet Dream
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Private Stache: Jimmy Connors And Chris Evert, Love-Love
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....