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The Worst American Sportswriting Of 201<em></em>6
There are plenty of lists out there compiling the year’s best sportswriting—try this one if you’re looking for some good holiday-weekend reading—and that’s as it should be, because there is a lot of great sportswriting out there, possibly more than ever. You won’t find any of it here, though. Instea...
A Definitive Ranking Of The 25 Best Holiday Songs Ever Recorded
Two years ago, we scientifically ranked every Christmas song. That remains a helpful reference, but it’s not a ranking of holiday song recordings. Here, then, is a ranking of the top 25 seasonal songs ever recorded, and it is not debatable because it is 100% accurate. (A Spotify playlist featuring m...
Nine Elements Of The LeBron <i>SI </i>Cover Meant To Distract You From His Hairline, Ranked
1. Safety pin on the lapel...
National Parks, Ranked
This is a barren time in the sports calendar. We are in a desolate trough between the international intrigue of the Olympics and the drama and nonsense of football season. I’m goddamn bored. Coincidentally, the National Parks Service turns 100 years old today. Unlike late August, the National Parks ...
Newspaper Comics, Ranked
We’ve been reminiscing about the funny pages, which provoked the single most blisteringly, violently hot take in the history of our blog site: Andy Capp is superior to Calvin and Hobbes, according to one staffer. Most of the staff ratings were sane and good, however, so we’ve averaged them for your ...
Pokémon I Want To Eat, Ranked
Pokémon canon appears to ignore the very real issue of carnivory. Is there Pokémon husbandry? Which Pokémon are raised, or hunted, or caught and trapped as food? Can vegetarians eat Bulbasaur? Nintendo has dodged this issue too long. These are the Pokémon I think would be tastiest....
Bugs, Ranked
No matter what this list reveals, please know that mosquitos are the worst bug. Nothing fills me with a stronger desire to kill than seeing an entitled-ass mosquito flying around, likely high off of the blood and pain of an innocent passerby. They’re tiny and quiet and often hard to notice until aft...
Kitchen Utensils, Ranked
It’s time for us to play the ultimate game of knifey-spoony, folks. Yes, we’re ranking kitchen utensils on this week’s Deadcast, and I think you’ll be surprised about how strongly you feel about where spoons belong in the culinary hierarchy....
Birds, Ranked
Drew ranked the lamest birds over at GQ.com today, and we’re all fairly pissed at him for turning our work chatroom into a warzone filled with bird takes for a piece he didn’t even publish on this site. (Shout out to Burneko for his all-time terrible opinion, “seagulls are good.”)...
American Cities, Ranked
The staff of Deadspin is rather geographically diverse. We are centered in New York City, but we have outposts in D.C., Philly, L.A., Ohio, San Francisco, and Florida. Combine this with our argumentative nature and proclivity to rank things, and you can see where this is going (to the blog you are r...
Regular-Season Baseball Team Victories, Ranked
1. Win No. 1 (We’re not going to lose all our games)...
Popcorn Toppings, Ranked
Popcorn is good and good for you (probably; it’s a plant), and its greatest feature is its chameleon-like ability to be topped by whatever quasi-liquid or slush-based substance you have lying around. “But, I have so many possible toppings in my cupboard and/or well-stocked fridge?” you might ask, “W...
11 Irish Whiskies, Ranked
I’m not huge on green-tinted beer or white ethnic pride, but history has proven that St. Patrick came down on the right side of both snakes and day-drinking, which is reason enough to duck out of work at noon today to celebrate his birth-or-whatever. This year there’ll be the supplemental attraction...
Casual Dining Restaurants, Ranked
A couple days back, Complex published an interview with Allen Iverson, which you should most definitely read, if you want. In it, there were lots of good tidbits, but perhaps the primo tidbit came when Iverson swore his allegiance to T.G.I. Friday’s, which is something (erroneously!) attributed to h...
13 Alcoholic Soda Pops, Ranked
American consumption of full-calorie soft drinks has been dropping for years now, as we’ve shown rare nutritional good judgment in demonizing soda as liquefied diabetes that makes you burp your rotted teeth out on the way to your long-overdue early grave....
12 Root Beers, Ranked
Any of you happy bastards still clinging to the Sober January charade? Me neither, thank goodness, but I do always try to dial the booze back a bit during the darkest stretch of winter. I figure it’s impossible to truly enjoy life during this accursed half-season, so why sully liquor’s good name by ...
The Worst American Sportswriting Of 2015
As we’ve noted before, sportswriting tends to follow what you might call the Anna Karenina Principle. The good stuff—the stuff that makes year-end lists like Longreads’s and Richard Deitsch’s—is all, on a certain level, the same, similarly structured long profile after similarly structured long prof...
Here's The <i>Guardian</i>'s (Bad) List Of The World's 100 Best Soccer Players
I’m not here to gin you up in righteous anger about the Guardian’s flawed ranking of the 100 best players in the world. It’s just a list, and it’s Christmas Eve. Let’s try to keep that in mind. Still, the list is pretty silly, and if you can keep your blood pressure under control, there’s no harm in...
24 Winter Beers, Ranked
Winter beer is a slippery category that used to comprise slightly boozy ales brewed with spices and odd grains, but has long since metastasized to include not only those traditional “winter warmers,” but also just about any damn thing a brewery’s marketing department feels like hanging a snowflake o...