rant Page 73 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Russell Westbrook And Kevin Durant Are Coming To Save The Day
Russell Westbrook could return to the Thunder lineup as soon as Friday, with Kevin Durant rejoining the team not long after that, and it's none too soon for 3-12 OKC....
Lil B Confirms Kevin Durant's Injury Caused By The Based God's Curse
Lil B was at MIT last night, giving what The FADER called "a groundbreaking lecture" at the school's Computer Science and Artificial Intelligence Laboratory. The lecture sounds like it was quite the event, "presenting nuanced observations on workplace efficiency, human empathy, and GMOs," as well as...
Black Grantland's Old White Guy To Black People: Do What I Tell You
Yesterday, news dropped that Jason Whitlock was about to make Mike Wise, an oldish white Washington Post columnist and proud champion of liberal causes, his second official "black Grantland" hire. That's interesting not just because of what he is—this is supposed to be a site bursting with young, up...
This Family Is The Worst Thing On Facebook
Perhaps you have had occasion to view a YouTube song video created by a group of healthy-looking white people named "The Holderness Family." Perhaps it was the one in which they perform a version of Snoop Dogg's classic "Gin and Juice" song, fitted to Halloween, titled "Kin and Moose."...
"Black Grantland" Hires White Hot-Taker Who Whines About Rap Music
So, there's some news today regarding Jason Whitlock's ESPN website, which at least at one point was supposed to be a "black Grantland." First, it's still a thing that is happening. Second, Whitlock's close to signing his second official hire: Washington Post columnist Mike Wise....
Kevin Durant To Dwight Howard: "You're A Pussy"
I don't think you can really call what happened between the Thunder and Rockets last night a "basketball game," what with both teams shooting under 30 percent and the Rockets winning 69-65 (even the mid-90s Knicks would blanch at that score). An ugly game like that tends to breed contempt—both sides...
Foodies Claim Non-Artisanal Flour Is Poisoning You
For centuries, man has suffered under the unyielding tyranny of the automated mill and its proponents, who have consigned him to flavorless, unethical, and possibly poisonous baked goods. At last salvation is at hand, though, through the good offices of the artisanal food movement!...
<em>Django Unchained</em> Gave Us The Quentin Tarantino Gunfight Of Our Dreams
Quentin Tarantino loves action movies in all their forms: ritualistic Hong Kong martial-arts epics, '70s car-chase odysseys, terse and meditative Japanese gangster flicks. He hires the stars of those old movies, and he peppers his own films with references in just about every way he can manage. But ...
The Internet Has A “Problem” Problem
Hey, you saw "Too Many Cooks," right? That batshit-insane, 11-minute Adult Swim video that lampoons the opening credits of old network sitcoms (or current Disney Channel sitcoms, if you've ever been forced to watch one)? It was funny, right? LOL THE '80S WERE SO DUMB. I know I enjoyed it. ...
Michael Beasley Reduced To Status As Kevin Durant Flunky
At one point early on in The Offseason: Kevin Durant, that HBO reality show aimed at getting its star better endorsement deals, walking brand Kevin Durant flies some of his buddies out to Los Angeles, where they intend to stay for the summer. We're introduced to Childhood Friend Cliff Dixon, Manager...
Bill Simmons Goes On Twitter Rant, Calls Out ESPN And Mike Golic
Mike Golic, co-host of ESPN radio show Mike & Mike took a bit of a shot at ESPN colleague Bill Simmons on this morning's episode. Simmons has since gotten wind of it, and he is pissed. ...
Perry Jones Gets Injured, Further Proves Thunder Are Cursed
Injuries are normal in basketball, and every year there's at least one team that draws the short end of the stick and gets hit with a wave. But what the Thunder are going through right now is something else, their playoff chances in the ultra competitive West diminishing every single day. Already fa...
Fuck Kevin Durant
Tomorrow night, the world will be subjected to The Offseason: Kevin Durant, an HBO show marketed as a documentary that depicts what The Servant has been up to since the end of the Western Conference Finals. You might think it would be interesting, seeing that over the summer Durant (briefly) played ...
Candy Corn Is Garbage
Many people like candy corn, such as hobos, serial murderers, and Satan. But actually, candy corn is terrible. If you give it out to trick-or-treating children this evening, you belong in fucking prison....
Jimbo Fisher Is A Whimpering Penis
Florida State is ranked second overall in the College Football Playoff committee's current rankings, which are determined by a complex mix of computer algorithms and schedule analysis and praying to a magic goldfish for spiritual guidance. And if you're like me, you're hoping that Florida State los...
Don't Freak Out About This Cryptic Kevin Durant Tweet, Thunder Fans
This morning, ESPN reporter Britt McHenry sent a tweet that seemed to contain her thoughts about the possibility of Kevin Durant eventually returning to his hometown and playing for the Washington Wizards:...
My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves
One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or...
Scooter Kevin Durant Is Sad
Thunder rookie Mitch McGary is owning his little rolly scooter. Kevin Durant is still fighting it. Give in, KD. Accept your wheels....
Reviewer Jump-Kicks Macho Steakhouse's Dick And Balls Into The Sun
Beast is a self-consciously primal London steak-and-crab restaurant, all ludicrously oversized tables and steaks and crab legs and prices, presented gravely as though in mourning of the fallen at Helm's Deep; a display of such over-the-top machismo that even Vladimir Putin rolls his eyes at it when ...