redskins Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Redskins Surprisingly Effective Car Salesmen
With the Redskins improbably advancing to the NFL's Final Eight, we're obviously going to be ratcheting up the Clinton Portis coverage even more than we already have, if that's not terrifying enough for you. As a little appetizer, though, we present you this gaggle of advertisements for Easterns A...
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 4th quarter
• Mike Patrick just said the words, "An exciting muff."...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 3rd quarter
• That's how you get back into a game. First, the Bucs force a 3-and-out with a sack on third down, then a nice punt return, then a very slick offensive drive capped by a Simms TD on a bootleg. That's quality work you did at halftime, Jon Gruden. 17-10 Redskins....
Redskins vs. Bucs - 2nd quarter
• The Redskins front 7 is playing very well, keeping Cadillac Williams in check. In essence, they're putting the game into the hands of Chris Simms. • Tampa Bay gets on the board with a Matt Bryant FG, making the score 14-3 Redskins. This leads to the positively infuriating "Score, Commercial, Kic...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 1st quarter
• Anthony Becht and LaVar Arrington seem to have different levels of respect for the recent accomplishments of their alma maters. Becht announced himself as being from "The 2006 Sugar Bowl Champion West Virginia Mountaineers," while Arrington said he was from "North Hills High." • Chris Hovan has ...
Coach Janky Spanky: Cliffs Notes Version
We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet....
Playoff Pants Party: Redskins Vs. Buccaneers
The NFL playoffs start this weekend, and we can't wait. We'll be previewing all four games throughout the day today....
Portis Becoming Subtle Character Actor
We've witnessed the newest Clinton Portis character, and we have to say, even though the costume leaves much to be desired, it might be our favorite one yet....
Clinton Portis' Supermarket Sweep
Ever wonder what Clinton Portis might do if given $10,000 to spend in a Best Buy in the span of half an hour? Jeez, who hasn't?...
Ma Sweets Will Punch You In The Mouth
What kind of woman would raise a man who would wear a costume like this? What kind of woman could raise such a spawn?...
Southeast Jerome In Heaven With Friends
OK, so as we showed you yesterday, Clinton Portis brought along some pals for his press conference yesterday. The conceit was that Southeast Jerome — who had been previously considered "lost" — had died and made it to heaven with all his friends. They included:...
Clinton Portis And His New Friends
We'll get into this more tomorrow ... but if you go to Redskins.com right now, you'll see that our man Clinton Portis has, uh, brought a few friends along for his weekly psychological exploration....
Portis Now Getting Costume From Garage Sales
Just for the record, yesterday Redskins running back Clinton Portis wore a old leather football helmet, pigtails and Groucho Marx glasses. He called himself "Inspector Two Two." We have no idea what any of this means anymore. At this point, he's just cleaning out the neighbor's closet. In the fin...
How 'Bout That Darrell Armstrong?!
We've always wondered what would happen if we ended up a semi-prominent public figure in, say, Chicago, or Iowa City, Iowa. As lifelong Cardinals and Illini boosters, it would be impossible for us to hide our loyalties; we couldn't pretend to root for the Cubs or the Hawkeyes even if our livelihoo...
Clearing The 4 o'clock Table...
• Cleveland 9, Oakland 7. If you watched this one, you're a diehard Browns fan, a diehard Raiders fan, or a person with severe emotional problems, and I'm worried about you. Let's get you some help. • Bengals 41, Detroit 17. Even Chad Johnson knows that it's bad form to celebrate the mundane accom...
The Severe Beating of the Dallas Cowboys
The Redskins are beating the Cowboys in just about every possible way that a team can be beaten. You have to wonder how all of our lives would be different if more of the original cowboy vs. Native American matchups had gone this way in the early history of our nation....
Setting the 4 o'clock Table...
• Dallas @ Washington. I think you'll want to watch this one when you see your other two options below... • Cincinnati @ Detroit. Because someone needs to prove to Matt Millen that is is possible to resurrect a moribund franchise. • Cleveland @ Oakland. There are only 3 games at 4 o'clock today, whi...
Clinton Portis' Craziest Costume Yet
Other Clinton Portis costumes have been deep, terrifying glimpses into the most cavernous regions of his soul, a tiny peek at the scary child within, peering out into the world, hoping it's not raining anymore. But this, his most recent one, however, is the most horrifying at all: A monstrous look...
Birds get their claws back
CAW. CAW. Or, you know, whatever kind of a frightening noise a cardinal might make......