sad Page 23 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Lance Armstrong Redemption Tour Is Hitting Some Hurdles
According to The Wall Street Journal, Justice Department officials have recommended joining Floyd Landis's federal whistleblower suit against Armstrong in which he alleges Armstrong, among others, defrauded the federal government in accepting money while engaging in "sophisticated doping ring."...

Every Headline About Derrick Rose Is A Black Pit Of Sadness
Here’s a bunch of headlines—written during the past week—about Derrick Rose’s attempts to return to the basketball court that will make you really sad:...

Lance Armstrong Reportedly Tried To Make A "Donation" To The USADA While He Was Being Investigated
Tonight, a new show called 60 Minutes Sports will premier on Showtime. The first episode will feature an interview with Travis Tygart of the United States Anti-Doping Agency, who will be talking about his investigation of the Lance Armstrong doping scandal....

Hammer-Wielding Yinzer Tries To Break Into Steelers Locker Room
A man wearing (only?) a Pittsburgh Pirates hat and gray sweatpants attempted to break into the Steelers locker room at Heinz Field Saturday with a hammer. Security at the stadium noted that he busted a lock at Gate B to gain entry to the stadium and then took his own personal tour of the playing fi...

The Top Nine Romeo Crennel Photos Of 2012
After a 2-14 season, the Chiefs fired head coach Romeo Crennel today. Here's a selection of photos commemorating his impactful tenure....

American Hero Poses For Embarrassing Photo Opportunity
Part of the deal with big events like Bowl games is that due to the corporate-like nature of each these days, you've got to do a lot of glad-handing with a bunch of yutzes in suits. The Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl is no different....
![Goodbye, Sweet Prince: Reports Say The Mets Have Agreed To Trade R.A. Dickey To The Blue Jays [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/188jt92sqrujjjpg.jpg)
Goodbye, Sweet Prince: Reports Say The Mets Have Agreed To Trade R.A. Dickey To The Blue Jays [Update]
As has been rumored, wailed about, argued over, and mourned for a few days—and really, since Dickey became valuable enough to strain the finances of the destitute Mets—R.A Dickey is now, officially, almost definitely headed out of New York....

Throwing Elbows, Getting Diarrhea, And Losing Eight Straight: Tracy McGrady Is Not Enjoying China
Here is a picture of Tracy McGrady from Alexander Chernykh, who helpfully adds the context that Tracy McGrady's Chinese team—the Qingdao Double Star Eagles—are 0-8, and fired their coach two games into the season. Though McGrady suggested, in an exclusive interview with ESPN's chief Dancing With Th...

Georgia Woman Exposes Self, Molests Bar Patrons While Watching SEC Championship Game
Watching a big football game at a bar can be fun. You get to drink beer, cheer loudly, and share in the joy of victory or the pain of defeat with other like-minded fans. That experience is probably what patrons of El Jinete and Friends Sports Grill (!) in Dacula, Ga., were looking for when they set...

Dutch Soccer Player Released From Team For Being A "Wildpoeper," Which Is Someone Who Poops In The Woods
There must be an epidemic of people shitting outside in the Netherlands. Why else would the Dutch have a specific word that is used to describe public shitters, and why else would a soccer player be immediately released from his team for being discovered as a "wildpoeper?"...

There Is Nowhere Else To Go But Up For The Washington Wizards
The Washington Wizards lost to the San Antonio Spurs tonight and are now 0-12 on the season. John Wall remains injured but it looks like he has a plan. Or he's falling asleep. Either way....

"Driver's License Belonging to David Petraeus's Lover Found By”: A Brief Index Of Recent Notable Events Involving Joggers
An occasional miscellany (with a head nod toward this great old post on Runner's World's website)....

It Sucks To Be Brandon Weeden, Vol. 5: The Browns Are Already Publicly Wondering Whether Brandon Weeden Is Any Good
First, he was trapped under a flag before ever playing a down in the NFL. Then, he was listed as 129 years of age on the Browns game program, which only served to draw attention to how old Brandon Weeden really is—29, way old for a rookie. Then, Rivals.com couldn't compile his high school stats beca...

Linda McMahon's Failed Senate Campaign Left Husband Vince A Sad, Sad Man
Linda McMahon has spent nearly $100 million in failed attempts to be elected over the past two election cycles, only to find the voters of Connecticut thoroughly rejecting her. After losing out on the Senate seat to Christopher Murphy last night, Linda McMahon delivered the required concession spe...

This Week's Signs Of The Apocalypse
For nearly two decades, Sports Illustrated has stirred the tea leaves to discern a weekly Sign of the Apocalypse. Deadspin salutes the magazine's ongoing effort to cover the end of times but declines to cede the scoop on the biggest event in world history....

Hey, Here's An Allegation That Lance Armstrong Bribed Opponents To Let Him Win Races
This is a pretty damning allegation against Armstrong, one that got lost earlier this week in all the hoopla over a damning USADA report and his being declared sponsora non grata. You might even be tempted to wonder if it's just piling on, at a time when it's cool to bash Armstrong. But the actual c...

The Knicks' Tip-Off Event Was A Parade Of Sadness
The Knicks don't look like they'll be a legitimate contender for the Larry O'Brien Trophy this season. They're old as dirt and just generally depressing. Right now, the most entertaining aspect of the team is anything Rasheed Wallace does. Don't look at the roster. Aw, you looked at it, didn't you?...

Excerpts From The Recent USADA Report That Make Lance Armstrong Look Like An Asshole
On Wednesday, the United States Anti-Doping Agency released hundreds of pages of allegations against Lance Armstrong purporting to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Armstrong not only doped, but organized a doping ring. The question of whether or not Lance Armstrong used PEDs is basically settle...

This Depressing, Discarded Mound Of Plastic Tarps Is What Was Torn From Detroit's Locker Room After The A's Forced Game 5
It's not quite as dramatic as the stories we used to hear of ol' Jean Yawkey being wheeled toward the visitors' clubhouse at Shea Stadium in the waning moments of Game 6, but it does give a rare glimpse into what happens on the losing side of those epic playoff game collapses that keep the bubbly on...

Charlie Weis Does Not Want Kansas's Student Newspaper Asking Him Questions
Charlie Weis got a little snippy last week after The University Daily Kansan, Kansas's student newspaper, published a cover illustration of a tiny Jayhawk clinging to a goalpost being carried by a burly Kansas State Wildcat. The cover art, which ran under the headline, "Road Kill Ahead," was a clear...