sad Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Manute Bol Is Not Doing Well
Former NBA giant Manute Bol in serious condition in a Virginia hospital, suffering from kidney failure and something called Stevens–Johnson syndrome. All this because he spent the last several months building schools in Sudan....
Texas Speedway Honors 87-Year-Old Benefactor By Killing Him In Fiery Crash
The WWII vet was honored — for "a lifetime of blood donations" — with a ride at Texas Motor Speedway when his car plowed into the wall, killing him. How will they honor him for his organ donations? [AP]...
Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians: Will Leitch Edition
The floppy-haired hero from the hardscrabble streets of Mattoon, Ill. received a king's welcome at Busch Stadium and got the old pre-game treatment from the local Fox affiliate.For some reason he chose to wear Annie Leibovitz's eyeglasses....
Washed-Up Coach Reduced To Shamelessly Peddling Crap On Twitter
Judging by his Twitter account, Florida Atlantic's Mike Jarvis is now a celebrity spokesman for something called the EnergyCare Dream Pillow, which apparently worked so well for Jarvis that he slept through an entire basketball season. [@coachmikejarvis]...
Today In Bullshit Excuses: Ben Roethlisberger's Anti-Social Behavior Caused By Concussions
"It's conceivable to think that there is a possibility that those concussions have led to some behavioral issues. The question I pose is simple: Can someone with several chronic or repetitive head injuries later display behavior that is socially undesirable? [PittsburghTribune/SBB]...
The Steroids Menace Eradicated, Congress Goes After Dip
Congress called on baseball to ban players from using smokeless tobacco in the dugout. But without chaw, what am I supposed to pretend my Big League Chew is? [AP]...
LA Angels Witness NYC Suicide Jumper: "Weaver Actually Saw Him Splat"
That quote is from Angels' pitcher Matt Palmer, as he described how he and starter Jared Weaver were crossing the street when a 39-year-old man jumped off 42nd floor of Le Parker Meridien in Midtown this morning. [NYDN]...
This Is Why You Don't Bring Wayward Dogs Into Minor League Ballparks
Last week, the Northwest Arkansas Naturals held an "Iams Adopt-a-Pet" promotion night and one excited pooch took that opportunity to crap all over the Royals Double-A affiliate. [YouTube]...
The Boston Red Sox Will Brand Your Baby
"Every baby" born at Boston's Beth Israel will be indoctrinated into Red Sox Nation, whether you like it or not. The "Red Sox Babies" package includes hat, tote, and a lifetime of insufferability. [Beth Israel, "Benbino" pic via]...
How Will Joe Biden Manage to Offend Soccer Fans Everywhere?
Joe Biden will participate in the "first kick ceremonies" tonight to welcome Major League Soccer's newest team to America's angriest city. How will he bungle this particular public appearance? Here, a few ideas....
Loneliness, Thy Name Is Pirates Fandom
Reader Chris sends along this picture of The Omega Man of Pirates fans. Why stay in the second row? Does PNC Park employ totalitarian ushers? Is he afraid of looking the fool should a foul ball approach? Fascinating to ponder....
Little Girl Cries Over Tweety Carter's Departure From Baylor. We've All Been There.
Via reader Ben comes this video of a 5-year-old girl who's incredibly, adorably distraught over the Baylor guard's approaching graduation. It is, I believe, the distilled essence of every Rivals.com message board in existence. [YouTube; somewhat related]...
The 10 Saddest Items In Thomas "Hitman" Hearns's Police Auction
Hearns owes a ton of money to the IRS, and he's been forced to auction off his possessions. But it's not all priceless ring memories; the ordinary household items will break your heart just as much....
This Is How People Disappoint You
So I made an agreement with someone and then they failed to follow through on a promise and now we're left with this big mess here that is quite awkward and sad and, well, that's it. Anyway, here's this....
Even The Washington Nationals' Ticket Website Knows They're Crap
Those plucky Washington Nationals are poised to surprise the National League East this year so buy your tickets now...right after you type "democratic diarrhea" into the box below. [WashingtonNationals] (H/T Reader Alex W.)...
New York Mets: The Undulating Curve Of Shifting Expectations
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The New York Mets....
Pole-Dancing With Wolves
Their equipment? Five-inch pumps. Their field? A slippery 25-foot pole. Their mission? To wriggle and writhe along said 25-foot pole. These brave women are high-heeled gladiators in shorty-shorts. Step inside the 2009 East Coast Regional Pole Dancing Championships. [WithLeather]...
Erin Andrews And Her <em>Dancing With The Stars</em> Dude Are "Maybe" Dating
This is according to Maksim "Maks" Chmerkovskiy, who sarcastically told Bonnie Fuller's website last week that he and the Sideline Princess could be more than just reality show cha cha partners. They do seem cuddly....
Sports Website With Silly Name Makes Cameo On "Southland"
No, it's nowhere near as great as the "You're With Me Leather" spot on Las Vegas from a couple years ago, but it is always flattering to be parodied. Watch the clip after the jump....
High School Players' Late Father Honored — For All Of Three Months
Due to budget cuts, a Baltimore Catholic school is closing down the court that in December was renamed in memory of the father of two sophomore players. Better than selling the naming rights, I suppose. [Baltimore Sun]...