screamer Page 59 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Costa Rica Grateful For Panama's Huge Boner
The opening game of tonight’s Gold Cup action between Costa Rica and Panama seemed to be on a slow ride toward extra time*, but a Costa Rica free kick into the box led to a 77th minute own goal when the ball glanced of the top of Anibal Godoy’s head....
How The Warlord Who Controls Chechnya Uses Sports To Rule
When Ramzan Kadyrov stepped into the Akhmat-Arena in Grozny on a brisk December morning in 2014, a sinister smile crept across his bearded face. Dressed in black, the longtime head of the Chechen Republic surveyed the scene within the country’s primary soccer stadium, where 20,000 soldiers dressed i...
The Africa Cup Of Nations Might Move To Summer, Thank God
The most consistent interruption to the soccer season might finally be changing to a more convenient date, as the Africa Cup of Nations is reportedly set to move from January and February to June and July....
There's No Way Neymar Leaves Barcelona For PSG ... Probably
Neymar is currently the world’s second-best player, playing for what is currently the world’s second-best team. He makes lots and lots of money at Barcelona, scores and sets up tons of goals, has won loads of trophies, enjoys an obvious and seemingly genuine connection with the world’s best player, ...
AC Milan Are Back From The Grave
AC Milan have spent this decade in free fall. Despite being seven-time European champions and 18-time Italian champs, Milan haven’t won Serie A since 2011, and have struggled for relevancy since Zlatan Ibrahimović left in 2012. In the past four seasons, Milan has finished between sixth and tenth—an ...
Go Ahead And Enjoy Christian Pulisic Tearing Shit Up In A Meaningless Game
I’m not going to tell you that Christian Pulisic’s performance in today’s Borussia Dortmund-AC Milan friendly—in which he conjured two assists, won a penalty, and eeled his way past famously big and bad Serie A defenders more times than you could count—means that the Wonderteen is primed to take the...
Spurs Sell Kyle Walker To Man City, Will Probably Be Fine
The last time there was this much anxiety about Tottenham being a “selling club” was way back in 2013. In back-to-back offseasons, Real Madrid snatched away Spurs superstars Gareth Bale and Luka Modrić, both of whom had worked together to take Tottenham to previously unseen heights—most notably the ...
Fallen Wonderteen Adnan Januzaj Leaves Manchester United
On Wednesday, with little fanfare, Manchester United sent Adnan Januzaj to La Liga’s Real Sociedad, only getting 8 million pounds in return for the 22-year-old winger....
Ajax Player Who Collapsed On Field Has "Severe Brain Damage"
Netherlands football club Ajax announced that 20-year-old midfielder Abdelhak Nouri, who collapsed on the pitch during a Saturday friendly, has suffered “severe and permanent brain damage.” Nouri had been in an induced coma since the incident, which began when he suffered cardiac arrhythmia during t...
Wayne Rooney Scores Brilliant Goal In First Game Since Returning To Everton
Wayne Rooney, who made his mark at Everton in grand fashion at the age of 16, is back with his boyhood club after having spent the last 11 years of his career at Manchester United. Today, in a preseason friendly against Gor Mahia in Tanzania, Rooney scored a goal that, while not exactly a rival to h...
The USMNT's C Team Barely Got By Martinique
The USMNT’s Gold Cup match Wednesday night looked easy on paper, even with mostly fringe players getting starts. But the team’s group stage battle against Martinique quickly went from boring to absolutely ridiculous, and the US was relieved to escape with a 3-2 win....
FIFA Executive Chuck Blazer Has Died
Chuck Blazer, an influential and controversial figure in the history of American soccer, has died, as first reported by Jack Bell and confirmed by Andrew Das of the New York Times. He was 72....
Here's 20 Seconds Of Profoundly Terrible Soccer
Remember this 1993 Premier League match between Queens Park Rangers and Manchester City? Me neither, but an Italian magazine broke it down and deemed a portion of it as the worst 20 seconds of soccer ever....
French Guiana Says Fuck It, Starts Ineligible Player In Gold Cup
In last night’s Gold Cup match between French Guiana and Honduras, former Chelsea winger Florent Malouda played the whole 90 minutes for the national team of his native French Guiana, despite having been ruled ineligible before the tournament because he had already capped 80 times for the French nat...
James Rodriguez Escapes Real Madrid's Bench For Bayern Munich
At the 2014 World Cup, James Rodriguez appeared to cement himself as the next international superstar. Scoring six goals in five matches, including one of the best of the year, James won the Golden Boot and immediately caught the attention of Real Madrid. The La Liga giants bought him from Monaco fo...
What Are Chelsea Doing With Diego Costa?
After missing out on Everton’s Romelu Lukaku, the second-best goalscorer in the Premier League last season, it seemed that Chelsea’s next-best option would be to stick with the striker they already have—Diego Costa, who scored 22 goals in 42 games in 2016-17. Other strikers, including Real Madrid’s ...
The Loss Of Romelu Lukaku Is The Latest Failure Of Chelsea's Youth System
Kevin De Bruyne was irrelevant at Chelsea. At 20 years old, the midfielder was signed from Belgian club Genk for less than seven million pounds, and he proceeded to be a complete non-factor during his year-and-a-half stay. Despite a successful loan spell in the Bundesliga for Werder Bremen, De Bruyn...
Club Friendly Suspended As Ajax's Abdelhak Nouri Collapses On Pitch [UPDATES]
Officials suspended a club friendly in Austria between German team Werder Bremen and Dutch side Ajax after 20-year-old Abdelhak Nouri collapsed on the pitch midway through the second half....
![Brazilian Soccer Club Rocked By Locker-Room Double Handjob Video Scandal [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/waupuq1osdxqsmrj1aif.jpg)
Brazilian Soccer Club Rocked By Locker-Room Double Handjob Video Scandal [NSFW]
Sport Clube Gaucho are a Brazilian third-division side who haven’t been relevant since they briefly made the first division in the 1980s. That changed, though, when four players had their contracts rescinded after a video showing one of them jerking off two of his teammates in the club showers leake...
Horny Italian Soccer Official Wants New Stadiums To Have Lap Dancing
Italian FA president Carlo Tavecchio doesn’t like to see Serie A’s soccer stadiums lag behind others in Europe. Like the modern-day Jerry Worlds of America, or new Wembley in London, he wants Italy’s new pitches to be hubs of community and commerce. At an Anti-Mafia Commission hearing, Tavecchio mad...