The USMNT's C Team Barely Got By Martinique

The USMNT’s Gold Cup match Wednesday night looked easy on paper, even with mostly fringe players getting starts. But the team’s group stage battle against Martinique quickly went from boring to absolutely ridiculous, and the US was relieved to escape with a 3-2 win.

A 0-0 stalemate at half on a Tampa field that was constantly threatening rain gave way to a wild barrage of goals and barely-missed chances from both sides. Omar Gonzalez broke through first, with a finish off a scramble in front of net in the 54th minute, and Jordan Morris followed with a goal in the 64th.

Things almost got very humiliating, however, as Martinique’s all-time leading scorer, Kevin Parsemain, retaliated with two goals in 10 minutes. The first was a major mistake from probable World Cup number-one Brad Guzan, and the other took a wild deflection to sail into the net.

U.S. fans hadn’t even had time to recover from the shock, though, when Jordan Morris notched his second of the game less than a minute later. The 22-year-old Morris’s goals broke a 12-game scoreless streak for both club and country.

The U.S. haven’t quite clinched advancement into the knockout round, but it should be all but assured, and at least they didn’t lose to fucking Martinique. Their final group-stage game comes Sunday against the currently winless Nicaragua.