si Page 954 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bryant Mercifully Leaves the Booth
Bryant Gumbel does excellent work for HBO Sports, but as a play-by-play announcer for the NFL Network he was terrible. Fortunately both parties came to terms with that fact, and we will no longer be subjected to any of his two-minute "mournings" or legendarily indecisive first down calls. Awful Anno...
Springtime For Meyer
• In Progress — CFB: Florida Gators Spring Game. Tebow is sick and Harvin has heel problems that tend to plague men of similar greatness. [ESPN] • In Progress — Tennis: WTA Bausch & Lomb Championships, Semifinal. It's Maria Sharapova and Lindsay Davenport if I'm not mistaken. [ESPN2] • 2:00 — Hockey...
Woodrow's Woes and Rory's Belt
Rory Sabatini will have plenty of time to do some more shopping at Hot Topic this weekend, as he became one of the top players to miss the cut at the Masters. Those who did survive the first two days at Augusta National are now underway despite a bit of atmospheric wetness. KJ Choi is already +3 fo...
Dontrelle Is Injured, Fat
Dontrelle Willis lasted all of 14 pitches before leaving with a hyper-extended knee, but he was just as shitty before the injury. The high-kicking lefty couldn''t seem to get his kick all the way up, which the Baseball Tonight crew was quick to attribute to his physique, which can only be described...
Nightmare Fuel From the NHL Playoffs
Holy sweet fucking God! I'm just going to sit here for a minute while appreciating my non-destroyed testicles. Continue after the jump for last night's scores, because we might as well talk about hockey as long as we're here. Oh, and a big thanks to Enrico at the 700 Level for making this the first...
The Beckham Men Enjoy Our Finest Athletes
• The Lakers still have a shot at catching the Hornets for the top spot in the Western Conference, and they came out playing like a team that wants homecourt advantage. LA outscored New Orleans 39-20 in the first quarter before the Hornets tenacious second half comeback. However, the Lakers perseve...
About Last Night
What you missed while audibly yelping with glee... • Boxing: Carlos De Leon Jr. > Buddy McGirt Jr. De Leon proved to be the better son of a former champion when he stopped the previously undefeated McGirt in the seventh. • MLB: The Yankees proved their supremacy over the Red Sox with a 4-1 April vic...
This Is What The Dolphins See In (S)Him
These two festive ladies are not your regular Sugar Free Red Bull-guzzling party girls you'd find at Making Time. No, these big, strapping dollies are actually former Michigan offensive lineman. The one with the crutches is Adam Kraus. The one with the shaved belly and blue hair is potential number...
Al Reyes Had An Active 38th Birthday
We turned exactly 32-and-a-half yesterday, and that got us to thinking about how we should celebrate our 33rd birthday, because we are not one of those people who are bashful about birthdays. Karaoke party? Chevy's fiesta? Ritualistic human sacrifice? We decided to just listen to Tampa Bay Devil Ray...
Ricky Reilly, Billy Simmons, And The Follies Of Privileged Sportswriting
This is BALLS DEEP With Big Daddy Drew (Balls® is a registered trademark and has been used with the expressed written consent of AJ Daulerio). It's gonna be like an SI Point After column, only with dick jokes. Enjoy....
Storming The Floor's San Antonio Road Trip
Storming The Floor was in San Antonio for the NCAA Title Game last night. Check out their full report....
Sparring With Carl Everett
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel, and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th ) awf...
Aubrey Huff Is Jackin' It
Which team has the best record in the American League? Say it with me: Boston Red S ... wait, what? Baltimore Orioles? I'll be damned. Things are so crazy at Camden Yards that they're actually cheering Aubrey "Jackin' It" Huff, whose solo homer in the eighth stood for the Orioles in a 5-4 comeback w...
Milwaukee's Tailgaters Highly Evolved In All Things Toilet-Related
Where have you publicly evacuated when confronted with an overactive beer-filled bladder and nary a port-o-potty in site to relieve yourself during tailgating? Some duck behind cars and unleash right on the asphalt; others use their empty beer bottles as rudimentary urine containers....
That's A Working Microphone, Derrick Rose
Now one has to wonder what Rose was afraid his teammate was going to say about him. "What do we think of him? I mean, once you get past the premature ejaculating and toenail eating, he's a pretty nice kid who can make things happen on the court. It's a good thing too, we almost forgot his Cabbage Pa...
TV Listings (With Proper Timestampery)
Quite exciting, this web log magic. For once the TV listings will show up on the correct date, unless of course I'm merely being preemptively presumptuous and the TV listings for today appear sometime next Thursday on Jalopnik. So let's see where the time-o-meter takes us, so in the meantime, please...
The Best $187 Million Ever Spent
As Isiah Thomas and the Knicks attempt to finish up their disastrous season and wait to find out what new GM Donnie Walsh will do to rejuvenate the team, it'd probably be a good idea to make sure he doesn't read this Portfolio.com article on how much Isiah has cost the Knicks. The magazine estimates...
Brian Kenny's Media Approval Rating Went Up A Little Bit
"That's it," Chad said, which startled Kenny. He then attempted a follow-up question which also went nowhere. Again, Kenny tries to sign-off gracefully and, again, Chad doesn't go away....
The Sixers Are Good Now, So Mary Carey Shall Climb Them
How about those Sixers? it was only a few short months ago that the team was in a completely understandable death spiral, thought to be rebuilding, being encouraged to dump its expensive players to stock up for the future. And now? Well, the Sixers are on the cusp of miraculously making the playoffs...