soccer Page 307 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Collect Your Miniature Violent Soccer Fans
See, here's an idea we can get behind. A British toy company is producing Little Hooliganz, actions figures of the crazed fans of each of the English Premiership teams. You've got Terrible Henry from Arsenal, Dangerous Dirk from Chelsea and Ard Man Aaron from Newcastle. For those who prefer their so...
Hirshey: Arsenal's Impotence
David Hirshey writes about the English Premier League for Deadspin....
Today In The Premiership...
Fulham 1-0 Sheffield United. It's Jimmy Bullard's world. You just live here. After scoring the game winner for Fulham against Bolton earlier in the week, Jimmy Bullard singlehandedly carried Fulham to victory over Sheffield United. Bullard also leads the league in pretty hair curls and weirdfuck p...
Your Hans Moleman Special
Because we have a busy day tomorrow, and because of Josh Levin's amusing "America's Funniest Home Videos" piece on Slate, and because we're blown away by the 300-plus (and counting!) brilliant comments on the last story, we happily reward you with one of life's basic, most human pleasures. Enjoy....
When Good Celery Goes Bad
On Wednesday we brought you the inspiring true story of Mr. Celery, a mascot for the Wilmington, Del. Blue Rocks Single-A baseball club. But across the vast Atlantic, there are also various celery-related incidents in sports. Reader Jeff ("Tonker") reports:...
Hirshey: Arsenal Off To Sister-Kissing Start
Is it too early to award Chelsea the Prem title? I mean, why not get it over with and wrap (or even better, garotte) a Portuguese scarf around the Special One's neck, bronze John Terry's captain's armband, apologize for all the mean things we said during the World Cup about Frank "Totally Frank" L...
Today In The Premiership...
• Manchester United 5-1 Fulham. A little bit of order was restored after a couple of unlikely draws during yesterday's play. Up first, Man United notched five goals against a Fulham defense that's described in the BBC article as "shambolic," a word that isn't used nearly enough. Wayne Rooney and C...
Today In The Premiership...
Reading 3-2 Middlesbrough. Give it up for Reading, the only team in the Premiership named after a railroad on the Monopoly board. They came back from a 2-0 deficit to win their first Premiership game, 3-2 over Middlesbrough. Boro scored twice in the opening 21 minutes, and it was all Reading from ...
It's England Premier League Time!
The sad, doe-eyed, holy-crap-mum's-gonna-kill-me-if-I-come-home-without-tickets look of this young boy can only mean one thing: The English Premier League is back! We're going to occasionally have our our man David Hirshey filing reports for us, but for now, it's just time to get, like, excited an...
Today In The Premiership...
• Cristiano Ronaldo, hated by everyone in England a month ago, was actually welcomed quite warmly by the Manchester United fans at Old Trafford today. He notched a goal and an assist in United's 3-0 victory over Sevilla. After he and beloved Wayne Rooney got into it during the Portugal/England quart...
Embracing The Colors
The Major League Soccer All-Star Game featured one team of All-Stars from MLS against Chelsea, the reigning champions of the English Premier League, and, thanks to their insane payroll, kinda like a World All-Star team. The MLS team won, 1-0. Here are two sides of the story. First, Dwayne De Rosar...
We Can't Believe This Hasn't Happened In Philly Yet
From the Videos That Scare You To Your Very Core Department comes this from-the-stands video of Brazilian soccer team Gremio supporters at a game last weekend. If you think this isn't terrifying enough, here's, as Paul Harvey might say, the REST of the story:...
Some Things You Hear That You Can't Unhear
We just don't get the French. The fastest-selling song in France, nay, in all of Europe, is Coup de Boule (The Headbutt), which was produced as a "joke" by a couple of music producers in Paris to ease the pain of their country's World Cup loss to Italy. But now France's loss is also our loss, as thi...
Does Ronaldinho's Girlfriend Actually Exist?
Josh Robertson is an editor at Playboy, so, as you'd probably expect, he spends a lot of time looking at pictures of naked women. This discerning eye, and a journalist's skepticism, has brought him to a conclusion: soccer star Ronaldinho's "girlfriend" appears to be a complete fake....
That Famous North Korean Hospitality
A reader sent in this video of a soccer match involving the North Korean women's national team. The lovely North Korean ladies appear to be every bit as pleasant as you'd guess they would be. If Orlando Brown had that kind of temper, NFL ref Jeff Triplette would be in a wheelchair to this day....
Not Even Death Will Keep Us Apart
You could probably use this story to prove that people are too much into soccer in Europe, if you wanted to....
Well Worth Losing The World Cup
Want to know why alleged Brazilian superstar Ronaldinho struggled so much during the World Cup? It wasn't the world-class competition, the pressure of the international stage or being hypnotized by teammate Ronaldo's gut. It was orgasms and video games....
Today In The Premiership...
• Ruud Van Nistelrooy liked Germany so much that he wants to go back. Ruud wants his next season to be with Bayern Munich of the German Budesliga. Real Madrid had previously made a bid to acquire Van Niistelrooy, but it was rejected by Manchester United. I'm not ruling out the possibility that the...
Not The Best Way To Protect Valuables
There's no way of verifying whether or not this is real — our spider senses say no — but even if it's not, it's something we've all been afraid of. A German fan on his way to the World Cup, showing off his tickets to a fellow traveler, has a serious mishap....
The Headbutt That Will Not Die
If you're tired of hearing about the Zidane World Cup headbutt (or, the "Glasgow Handshake," as such a move is more commonly called), well, sorry. Even as you read this, an army of computer nerds are producing animated gifs of the incident at alarming rates. The French have their version of the co...