Your Non-Headbutting European Soccer Update

We don't know a lot about soccer, but even we know that this doesn't appear to be cricket. In a move not seen since Brandon Cruz pitched for a Little League team named the Yankees in the film Bad News Bears, Chelsea's William Gallas has threatend to score an own goal if club manager Jose Mourinho fails to trade him. This is according to Mourinho, anyway, whose team issued a club statement responding to the threat. Also, Gallas is French, which explains quite a bit.

Chelsea has accused him of:

• Refusing to play in their Premiership opener against Manchester City. • Refusing to play in last season's FA Cup semifinal against Liverpool. • Demanding 100,000 a week as he was determined to become one of the biggest earners at the club. • Going AWOL and missing Chelsea's pre-season tour of America. • Having an illegal meeting with Italian club AC Milan. • Missing a team meeting and being late to practice, angering head coach Bill Parcels.

Sorry, one of those may have been Terrell Owens.

Sell Me Or I'll Score An Own Goal [Daily Mirror]