Today In The Premiership...

• Manchester United 5-1 Fulham. A little bit of order was restored after a couple of unlikely draws during yesterday's play. Up first, Man United notched five goals against a Fulham defense that's described in the BBC article as "shambolic," a word that isn't used nearly enough. Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo are best friends again, Louis Saha scored, and Ian Pearce gave them an own goal. Warm fuzzies all around for United. They disgust me.

• Chelsea 3-0 Manchester City. I'm not even sure that City was on the field today. This was a Globetrotters vs. Generals type of situation, with Chelsea doing whatever they wanted. John Terry scored, Frank Lampard scored, Didier Drogba scored, and Shaun Wright-Phillips added insult to injury when he pantsed Joey Barton and then hit him with a bucket of confetti. City was deadful.

• Wayne Rooney's mad a the FA. Little Wayne was handed a three-game suspension by England's Football Association for a red card that he picked up in a preseason friendly, and he told them today that if they don't overturn it, he won't be participating in any promotional work or personal appearances, nor can they use his likeness in any promotional materials. Pretty ballsy move by Rooney, and probably not something that could be pulled off by any other player in England. The FA's now either got to cave in completely, or risk alienating a player that can't do without.