soccer Page 316 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
My New Favorite African Women's Soccer Team
They're not likely to become as popular as the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders, but the Nigerian national women's soccer team, known as the Super Falcons, is trying their hardest. Lesbianism is rampant on the team, according to former coach Sam Okpodu, and it is awesome, according to me....
New Jersey Robbed Of The Notoriety That An Average MLS Team Would Bring Them
New Jersey politicians are considering legislation that would force Red Bull New York — formerly the New York/New Jersey Metrostars — to have a team name that reflects "the importance of Jersey Pride." No word on whether or not the legislation would require the team to play in muscle shirts and go...
Today In The Premiership...
• Chelsea 2-1 Tottenham. William Gallas uncorked a buck nasty shot that got by Tottenham's goalie to give Chelsea the win in extra time. Chelsea now needs just five wins in their last nine games to wrap up another league title. Their celebratory hugs, however, remain segregated....
We're Guessing Greenies Are Encouraged Here
You thought the Anaheim Mighty Ducks were bad? In the MLS, it appears the New York/New Jersey MetroStars could be bought by the Red Bull energy drink. We think this makes Britney Spears' child the official mascot of the team....
Ashley Cole Is Not A Rear Gunner
Ashley Cole, soccer star for Arsenal (known to cool people as the "Gunners") and England, is suing a couple of London newspapers for alleging that he was involved in a gay orgy. Cole is pictured there with his fianc , pop singer Cheryl Tweedy, who is smoking hot....
Today In The Premiership...
Fulham 0-4 Arsenal. The Gunners threw an old-school beatdown on Fulham, getting two goals from Thierry Henry, and outplaying Fulham in every possible way. Arsenal plays Real Madrid on Wednesday, and I'm definitely watching that. If it's on TV. And it doesn't conflict with the Big East tournament....
Oh, That's A Yellow Card, Sugar
Via The Mighty MJD, Sportshooligan and Flurl.com comes just about the most hysterical thing we've seen all week: The world's most flamboyant soccer referee....
Know Your Cuts Of Soccer Player
To end the day on an up note, here's another wacky soccer story. It's actually our favorite kind, because it involves meat....
We Could Learn A Thing Or Two About Loutish Behavior From The Brits
We Americans get so cute sometimes with our little disagreements in the stands at NBA games, and our occasional guy who runs onto the field to take the football from Brett Favre. Meanwhile, in England, they're doing things like this:...
Vince Young, Meet David Beckham
Here's international soccer superstar David Beckham on helping his son Brooklyn (?) with his homework....
Today in the Premiership...
Blackburn 1-0 Arsenal. It was letdown time for the Gunners today, after beating Real Madrid on Tuesday. The Rovers gave them a bone today, and look at that... with their win today, Blackburn has crept ahead of Arsenal in the league table....
Strap on the Old, um, Feedbag and Check Out 'Footballers Wives'
If you haven't already been watching the british import Footballers Wives, then it might be time to finally pop for premium cable. Of course the "football" here means "soccer", for you nonmetropolitan types. Thanks to our man Tim Goodman, the TV writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, we discovere...
Today In The Premiership...
• Arsenal 7-0 Middlesbrough. Holy Lord. 7-0? Did they let Arsenal use their hands? Man, there's real chance that Arsenal outscores the Chicago Bears this weekend. In fact, Thierry Henry might outscore the Bears himself, as he scored three of the seven....
We Won't Even Discuss The Virgin Islands
We know that the Swiss have an uncanny knack for avoiding trouble, and here's why: their extraordinary common sense....
Soccer Players Shouldn't Date Hot Topless Women
Our mystery soccer correspondent files this report of Chelsea soccer star Joe Cole being beaten to a pulp over a Page 3 girl (Link NSFW)....
Today In The FA Cup...
What's The FA Cup, you ask? Well, here's what I can gather, combining knowledge from my buddy Danks and a very thoughtful e-mail from a guy named Pete. The FA is the governing body of soccer in England, which covers the Premier League and all the leagues below it, which are kinda like minor league...
How To Get A Yellow Card
We tried to remain silent about this, but let's face it, we're weak. In a story that's a couple of days old by now, a youth soccer team in Orlando for a tournament got a big surprise at their hotel when they checked in and found themselves in the midst of a raunchy swingers convention. "We though...
Soccer Is More Exciting Than You Knew
We're always wary of studies put together by bored grad student types, but we feel obliged to comment on this, since pretty much everyone's sending it to us: A group of "researchers" for Los Alamos National Laboratory did a "scientific" study of the five major sports (they included soccer, for som...
The Year in Futbol
Our favorite soccer story of the year comes from Croatia, where Goran Granic, a defender for HNK Hajduk Split, announced that he would not be playing very hard this season because of his conversion to Roman Catholicism. "I'm so devoted to God now that I have started to avoid committing fouls durin...
The Story Of The Lucky Garbageman
We know we're getting a little soccer-heavy on you today, but bear with us: This is a good story....