sponsors Page 6 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
He's Not Our Dad! He's Our Stepdad!
Did you know that on several occasions... he touched us? [long pause] That wasn't true. Made it up. Shouldn't have done that. Sorry....
To Get The Benefit Of It, Honey, You Really Need To Be Sitting In Our Seat
You didn't say we shouldn't do that ever again; you said we ain't ever gonna do that again. You said not only are we never gonna play ship's mast again, you also said if you ever do what you're trying to do now, to not only refuse, but that we had permission to physically restrain your ass if necess...
We Now Return You To "The Man From Rio" Already In Progress
Now Ted, a person's life is filled with a zillion little experiences. Some which are insignificant, have no meaning, and, you know, you forget them. Others, you remember for the rest of your natural life. Now, since what we're proposing here is so unusual, so outside the norm, this is a good bet tha...
Don't Smoke Crack. It's A Ghetto Drug
Some people will work / Some never will / But they'll complain and complain and complain and complain and complain ......
You More Or Less Walk With A Limp
Who should we sleep with, Terry? Women like you? Your age? Our age? We don't. You know why? 'Cause younger women are nice. You take them out, and they're actually grateful. "Oh look, a steak. Yummy." You go for a walk after dinner, the air smells nice, they say, "Thank you. This was nice. This was f...
Dirty Dee, You're A Baddy Daddy Lamatai Tabby Chai
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Give Us Your Hand. Give Us Your Hand.
Couldn't you like us just us the way we are? When we first started out, it was so good; We had fun. And then you started in on the clothes. Well, we'll wear the darn clothes if you want us to, if, if you'll just like us....
We Just Don't Think We Can Continue To Live In A Place That Embraces And Nurtures Apathy As If It Was Virtue
A woman that's so ugly on the inside she couldn't bear to go on living if she couldn't be beautiful on the outside. A drug dealer — a drug dealing pederast, actually! And let's not forget the disease-spreading whore! Only in a world this shitty could you even try to say these were innocent people an...
110. Get A Job, Punk.
We saw your last fight, Shawrelle. Spent so much time face down, we thought the canvas had titties....
If Jesus Came Back And Saw What's Going On In His Name, He'd Never Stop Throwing Up
A week ago we bought a rifle ... we went to the store, and we bought a rifle! We were gonna, you know, if they told us we had a tumor, we were gonna kill ourselves. The only thing that might have have stopped us is that our parents would be devastated. So, you know, we would have had to shoot them a...
Like A Blind Man At An Orgy, We Were Going To Have To Feel Our Way Through
We like our sex the way we play basketball: one on one with as little dribbling as possible....
The Last Of Those Old Spice Polls
You know those Old Spice ads they're running around here, where you can win Final Four tickets? (That's what they tell us, anyway.) Well, here's the last one. Hope you got the first two right, we guess....
Non Movie Quote Sponsors Post
For the first time in more than a year, we have no movie quotes for you in the sponsors post this week, mainly because it would get too cluttered and confusing. (We were going to choose something obscure, independent and weird, so it's probably for the best.) Instead, there's another sponsor poll we...
God Loves You Just The Way You Are. But He Loves You Too Much To Let You Stay That Way
We wonder what she looks like. We bet she's skinny. She probably is. She's skinnier than us and prettier too. Now we'll hate her. Oh, we can't wait!...
Special Sponsors Post: Aren't You Lucky!
So remember a couple of weeks ago, when we mentioned that you could win Final Four tickets? Well, today is part two of that whole Old Spice sponsor business. Can you answer another trivia question? We never actually see these trivia questions until they're posted on the site ... so we hope this week...
We Make Sure The Wars Are Small Ones
You know, we Italians have our families and the church, the Irish have the homeland, the Jews their tradition, the n——s their music. What do you guys have? We have the United States of America. The rest of you are just visiting....
You Taste It? It Tastes Like Strawberries! (Plus: You Can Win Final Four Tickets!)
The world was stunned today by the death of Diego Ricardo, the youngest person on the planet, the youngest person on earth was 18 years, 4 months, 20 days, 16 hours, and 8 minutes old....
You Were Butt-Naked On A Zebra Last Month
Richard said, "The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, "Suck my dick." I don't give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?" We said, "Yes." He said, "Do you get paid?" We said, "Yes." He said, "Well, tell Bill I sa...
Do We Look Like Frat Boys to You?
Say we were to find some gal...and I know we got a shit load of stuff to do...but I'm just saying, for the sake of argument, we stumble onto something.This person's vulnerable as hell. You know, young thing, wallflower type or whatever. Disfigured in some way. Some woman who is pretty sure that life...
You'll Shoot Your Eye Out
Only one thing in the world could have dragged us away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window....