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You Were Butt-Naked On A Zebra Last Month
Richard said, "The next time the motherfucker call, tell him I said, "Suck my dick." I don't give a fuck. Whatever the fuck make the people laugh, say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?" We said, "Yes." He said, "Do you get paid?" We said, "Yes." He said, "Well, tell Bill I sa...
Do We Look Like Frat Boys to You?
Say we were to find some gal...and I know we got a shit load of stuff to do...but I'm just saying, for the sake of argument, we stumble onto something.This person's vulnerable as hell. You know, young thing, wallflower type or whatever. Disfigured in some way. Some woman who is pretty sure that life...
You'll Shoot Your Eye Out
Only one thing in the world could have dragged us away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window....
We Always Thought It'd Be Better To Be A Fake Somebody Than A Real Nobody
No matter what you do, no matter how awful ... no one ever thinks that they're a bad person....
Do We Laugh Now, Or Wait Until It Gets Funny?
We picked you for the job, not because we think you're so damn smart, but because we thought you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. Guess we were wrong. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller....
No, YOU'RE Don Francisco's Sister!
Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? The difference is that all men go eventually, but we go at six o'clock tomorrow morning. We were supposed to go at five o'clock, but we have a smart lawyer. Got leniency....
We're Easy
Y'all take it easy now. This isn't Dallas, it's Nashville! They can't do this to us here in Nashville! Let's show them what we're made of. Come on everybody, sing! Somebody, sing!...
Excuse Us, You Did Say Your Clock Was Correct?
The mechanism is ... Oh James, James ... will you make love to me all the time in England? Day and night. Go on about the mechanism....
Cue The Sun!
We've become bored with watching actors give us phony emotions. We are tired of pyrotechnics and special effects. While the world he inhabits is, in some respects, counterfeit, there's nothing fake about Truman himself. No scripts, no cue cards. It isn't always Shakespeare, but it's genuine. It's a ...
We Haven't Had A Drink In A Lotta Years, But Now We're Gonna Have Us A Cold Beer
There's no one knows your life better than a brother that's near your age. He knows who you are and what you are better than anyone on earth. My brother and we said some unforgivable things the last time we met, but we're trying to put that behind us, and this trip is a hard swallow of our pride. We...
Don't Get Up Until You're Numb
We're gonna go have a smoke right now. You want a smoke? You don't smoke, do ya, right? What are ya, one of those fitness freaks, huh? Go fuck yourself....
Can You Keep A Secret? We're Trying To Organize A Prison Break
Oh Mr. Harris! Don't touch us! Mr. Bob Harris! Just rip our stocking!...
We Love Hitmen: No Matter What You Do To Them, You Don't Feel Bad
The night's as hot as hell. It's a lousy room in a lousy part of a lousy town. We're staring at a goddess. She's telling us she wants us. We're not going to waste one more minute wondering how we've gotten this lucky. She smells like angels ought to smell, the perfect woman ... the Goddess. Goldie. ...
Hey, Anybody Hear Anything About Tiger Woods?
So, remember our Deadspin Pants Party Pick 'Em Pool? Well, hopefully you've been making your picks every week, because we're told we can give away some gifts....
Thank God For The Rain To Wash The Trash Off The Sidewalk
Now we see this clearly. Our whole life is pointed in one direction. There has never been a choice for us....
This Is It, Joel: It's Going To Be Gone Soon
Technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss....
Satan, Your Ass Is Gigantic And Red; Who Are We Going To Pretend You Are? Liza Minnelli?
You know what sucks about being a Baldwin? NOTHING!...
Rollo Tomasi ...
It's Christmas Eve in the City of Angels ... while decent citizens sleep the sleep of the righteous, hopheads prowl for marijuana, not knowing that a man is coming to stop them! Celebrity crimestopper Jack Vincennes, scourge of grasshoppers and dope fiends everywhere!...
Don't Come Kicking In Our Homeroom Door 'Cause Of Something We Didn't Do
Throw one at us if you want, hash head. We've got all five senses and we slept last night ... that puts me us up on the lot of you....
Fill Me Up! Fill Me Up! Yeah! Good Job!
We sure were surprised the day Lisa Flanagan asked us for a ride home and ended up blowing us. Our leg wasn't bugging us too much, and the weather was so nice, and every day after school Lisa and us would go to her house to fuck and have a hot tub....