the Page 889 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part V: Return To River Bend
We already posted your daily link to Dave McKenna's "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," but here it is again for good measure. We'll post this mother until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit is nailed to a cross while dogs gnaw off its toes. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All...
UAE Soccer Player May Be Punished For "Disrespectful"-But-Also-Awesome Backheel Penalty Kick
On Sunday, Theyab Awana, a 21-year-old winger with the United Arab Emirates national team, scored on a penalty kick in a friendly against Lebanon. Only he did it off of a 180 and using his heel. UAE was up 5-2 at the time, and they ultimately won 7-2, so the stakes weren't very high for either tea...
You Can Say "Circumcising Mosquitoes" On <em>PTI</em>, But You Can't Say It Thrice
The gentlemen on Pardon The Interruption exceeded the quota for the amount of times one can say some variation of the phrase "circumcising mosquitoes" on live television today. Cowlishaw, quoting (and imitating) Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, gets in two mentions, but Wilbon never gets his chance. The...
This Is What The WWE Title Belt Looks Like In CM Punk's Fridge
There were some goings on at the WWE's "Money in the Bank" PPV last night (to catch up on the stakes, read the Masked Man's preview). Basically, CM Punk is "no longer a WWE employee," but left with the title after beating John Cena in the main event....
The Women's World Cup Final Totally Kicked The Royal Wedding's Ass In Tweets
Because one would never want to rely merely on television ratings to assess the popularity of women's sports, one must do the next best thing when one is a member of a generation of navel-gazing tech addicts: use Twitter! Oh, hooray. What ever would we do without Twitter? What ever would we do witho...
Five North Koreans Tested Positive For Steroids Because They Were Struck By Lightning, Says North Korea
We suspected all along that the DPRK's women's World Cup team would provide us with moments of unintentional comedy, but they've outdone themselves....
Anyone Want A Life-Size Wall Decal Of Dan Gilbert's Bowtied Son?
Nick Gilbert, the breathing, five-foot talisman that charmed Cleveland to Kyrie Iring in May, wowed us with his snazzy enthusiasm at the lottery....
Today In Great Ledes
"Sports historians will look back on what happened at ESPN's ESPY awards the other night and pinpoint it as the broadcast that signaled the rise of soccer and the death of football." [Chicago Tribune]...
Oh Dear God, This Lady's Limb Gets Snapped When She Arm Wrestles A Younger Gal On A Picnic Table
There's talk of placing bets on this Over the Top re-enactment between two ladies. There's also talk of not putting this on YouTube. Then, there's talk of a snapped arm, not too far from a flask and what looks like blue Jello....
Shaq Hired To Hang Out With Charles Barkley On A Regular Basis
Just six weeks into his retirement, Shaquille O'Neal has agreed to a multi-year deal with TNT to be a member of Inside the NBA. He'll join Charles Barkley, Kenny Smith, and Kenny Anderson Ernie Johnson in the cavernous studio next season, and because he is very weird — and as long as he doesn't encr...
Now Playing: The Coldplay-Scored Trailer For Tony Romo's Wedding
The NFL quarterback wedding season is officially upon us, America, and for that, we are thankful — because the quarterbacks in question keep making embarrassing documentation of their weddings available to the general public. First, there was Mr. and Mrs. Flacco in formation, and today, we present...
Take Off Your Pants, Mess With The Bull, You Get The Horns
We don't want to live in a world where the San Fermin Festival goes off without us seeing a naked dude get absolutely wrecked by a confused, cornered half-ton of beef. Thankfully, those who ventured to Pamplona did so without their inhibitions, their fears, and sometimes their clothes....
End The NBA Lockout, Before Desmond Mason Films This Shitty Movie
I know he's not technically an active player anymore, but still - he might try to work out for a 10-day-contract instead of this....
Here's Video Of A Reckless Aussie Getting Gored And Trampled In Pamplona
When you go to a bullfight in Spain as a 10(ish)-year-old who wasn't forewarned that animals will bleed profusely while getting dragged out of the arena to their deaths, the end result is this: The annual footage of human injury and pain from Pamplona's Running of the Bulls is a source of joy....
Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To The Ballplayer's Twilight
Every Friday, SportsFeat picks a few great weekend reads for Deadspin. In honor of Derek Jeter and his labored quest for 3,000 hits, here are well-told stories of ballplayers just before, in the years after, or at the exact moment they retired....
We’re Going To Live Forever By Killing Ourselves And Going To Digital Heaven
Earlier this week, a scientist named Aubrey de Grey (that is such a drag queen name) made waves by announcing to the press that the first person to live 150 years has probably already been born, and that it may not be long before human beings are able to live 1,000 years, if not longer, thanks to ge...
Goodbye, Mancession. Hello, He-Covery.
Today's jobs report for June managed to stun economists with its overall shittiness. But separate numbers suggest that what recovery we do have is disproportionately benefiting men. We have a new cute term for this: he-covery. [Jezebel]...
Joe Flacco's New Bride Is A Very Understanding Woman
Marriage is supposed to be compromising, right? [JasonPrezant.com, h/t Andy]...
Here's Your Commemorative Keepsake Poster Of The Sun Pornographically Manipulating A Thermometer
In consulting with the National Weather Service and American Red Cross, two USA Today graphic artists apparently found a way to illustrate the dangerous dog-days of summer as a sun blowing and tightly gripping a thermomedong....
There's A New Shawn Kemp In Town, Seattle
Shawn Kemp, Jr. (not pictured), a 6'9" center from Canton, Georgia has signed with the Washington Huskies and has already started classes at the university. It's not the Sonics, but it is a Kemp. [ESPN]...