the Page 889 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Wrestler Could Have Gotten Away With Robbing A Bank If It Wasn't For His Meddling Fans
On the Combat Zone Wrestling field of battle, Nicholas Wilson went by the name of Nick Gage and his was best known for "his daring feats in the ring." Alas, grappling connoisseurs will go a half decade without seeing said daring feats unless they happen to be in a New Jersey state prison....
Of Pomp And Circumstance
Look, I know you're sick of this, but I think it's worth noting even for the millionth time just what kind of big, dumb spectacle we all watched slackjawed on our stupid televisions: an overhyped and overproduced orgy of excess and inexplicable weeping presided over by a pious relic that perpetuates...
Frank McCourt Is Basically Charlie Sheen, At This Point
Kind-of Dodgers owner Frank McCourt toured cable television yesterday, pleading his case. Here are some of the things he said. They are totally not the ramblings of a man who has lost all money and control....
Year Of The Pitcher Dies Premature Death, Aged 29 Days
What some were already calling the second straight "Year of the Pitcher" in baseball came to an abrupt end yesterday, as bats exploded into craziness around MLB....
Soccer Team Signs One-Year-Old After Audition Goes Viral
Maybe you're one of the three-plus million folks who saw Baerke van der Meij putting away his toys with some well-placed boots. Adorable, right? Dutch Eredivise side VVV saw it too, and saw a future strike....
Deion Sanders May Have Found A New Football-Playing Host Upon Which He Can Attach
Your morning roundup for April 29, the day "special cookies" in zip-lock freezer bags got real....
Here's Video Of That Mile-Wide Tornado Deciding, On A Whim, To Spare Alabama's Bryant-Denny Stadium
Let Tuscaloosa resident Phil Owen describe the damage that the mile-wide twister captured in this video wrought upon Alabama today:...
Figure Skater Gracefully Elbows The Shit Out Of Her Partner's Face
At the world figure skating championships today, Canadian Eric Radford took the full force of his spinning partner's elbow to the face at the start of their routine. The graceful attack came at the end of a triple Lutz-twist lift, which is apparently a thing that people know about — and even with ...
Anonymous Baltimore Orioles Employee Goes To Great Lengths To Inform Us That Coworkers' Wives Also Hate Obama
We received this envelope today, just two days after posting this critique of ESPN's profile on Baltimore Orioles outfielder Luke Scott. Immediate thought: a terrible press release, for some reason sent via paper, or some kind of cease-and-desist letter for misrepresenting Cal Ripken's children's bo...
We Regret Not Covering The Thong-Wearing, Feces-Spreading Meth Addict Raiders Fan Sooner
We regret the oversight if only because the unnamed author or editor of this story clearly spent so much time debating the sentence construction about 42-year-old Shawn Batie's meth arrest in a Lodi, Calif. cemetery that he or she should be commended for their detailed craftsmanship:...
Here's An Unintentionally Splendid Moment In Soccer-Match Photography
ESPN opted to feature a middle-finger wielding drummer on its Soccernet homepage this afternoon. It accompanied a tease to a story about Arsenal and its fans realizing their dream of an English Premier League title this season died off the 90th minute head of Bolton's Tamir Cohen....
Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall's Wife Allegedly Stabs Him, But He Claims He Fell Onto A Broken Glass Vase
As referenced earlier, Dolphins WR Brandon Marshall is in an intensive care unit, where he's recovering from a stab wound to the stomach. Per the Miami Herald, his blushing new bride Michi Nogami-Marshall was arrested last night on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon in a domestic di...
Ray Lewis Went To A Small North Carolina College To Talk About Spirits, Thunder, Cards And Whatnot
Tipster Jon R. reports that Ray Lewis "made an impromptu visit to Elon University for their spring football game last week and gave a very powerful speech. ... The game was actually postponed due to thunderstorms." Story moral: God hates people who listen to Ray Lewis giving very powerful speeches...
The Lady Who Yelled At Cops To Stop Beating, Tasing The Patriotic Pirates Fan Was Fined $1,000
Remember the clearly patriotic Pirates fan who got billy clubbed and Tased at PNC Park earlier this month? Of course you do, but here's a link to it anyway. Dude's name is Scott Ashley. He's 40, from Friendship, but isn't due in court until May 25 to face charges of harassment, public drunkenness,...
Here Are Some Strange Things NFL Prospects Have To Deal With
Like getting accused of being hungover for a scheduled interview! He was probably just really sick though. But the other guy, he's definitely a Ginger....
Your Dreams And Skulls Shall Be Ground Beneath The Treads Of PhillieBot
Last night April 19, 2011, at 8:11pm PDT, the Skynet system went online, at least according to the Terminator franchise. Skynet first becomes self-aware tomorrow, April 21, 2011....
Transgenders On Wheels
Tipster Mike writes in to alert us to the WFTDA's new policy on transgender athletes. Huh?...
Help Us Subvert MLB Video: Submit Your Highlights To Become The Official Team Deadspin
We're truly inspired by how many of you are interested in mocking the MLB video policy by reenacting its highlights each week. We've heard from volunteers from T-ball teams, high school teams, plenty of "beer-drinking softball teams," and one from a guy who isn't "allowed within 200 yards of a schoo...
Lionel Messi Smacks The Ball At Real Madrid Fans But Doesn’t Mean It. Honest.
Lionel Messi has always been seen as the exception to the rule that to be a proper good footballer you needed to be a bit of a 'orrible git. You needed to like head-butting people (Zidane), make well-late tackles (Scholes), be outrageously arrogant (CR7), shag prozzies (Wayne), or just do loads of...
We Need Youth Baseball Teams To Reenact MLB Highlights For Us Because MLB Hates Its Fans (And Probably Children, Too)
We've been playing a fun game with the MLB video team for the past few weeks. It goes something like this: We post a highlight video from a game; they promptly email us with an informal cease-and-desist note; we take down the video and complain about it. ...