the Page 888 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Weather Forces Evacuation Of Notre Dame Stadium
When the Notre Dame Fighting Irish retreated to the locker room at halftime, they were down 16-0 to Lou Holtz's kid's team. While Coach Brian Kelly was discussing their "performance" in the first half against South Florida, the stadium seating areas were evacuated on account of foul weather....
We're Sick Of Joe Theismann All Over Again
It's difficult not to pity Redskins fans, who, in addition to being Redskins fans, have to hear Joe Theismann talk about preseason football during preseason television broadcasts. And last night, just after Brandon Banks ended an otherwise splendid punt return by flipping the ball out of his hand ...
The Guy Who Wanted To Own The Mets, Like Everyone Else Ever Involved With The Team, Has Quit On The Mets
David Einhorn, the baby-faced assassin who would be extorting the snakebitten Wilpons all the way to the bank, will not be controlling the Mets for a dollar. He will not, in fact, own any part of the Mets....
Wade Belak, Another NHL Enforcer, Found Dead (UPDATE: A Suicide, According To <em>Toronto Sun</em>)
Longtime NHL defenseman Wade Belak, who spent much of his career with the Maple Leafs, was found dead at 35 today in his Toronto hotel, according to a report from QMI Agency in Canada....
Washington Man, Stung By Bee, Decides To Pour Gasoline All Over The Beehive And Blow It Up
Those damned bees. They sting you, and perhaps you get particularly swollen, and somewhat irritated, and then your summer day is ruined and you've got a moderate-sized welt on your arm....
Jeremy Shockey Saves Choking Teammate
Lots of words might come to mind when you think of Jeremy Shockey: thug, crybaby, and even choker. But lifesaver, trachea-clearer—those are new for Shockey....
A Former Six Flags Employee Contributes To Our Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction
Consider this your daily link to Dave McKenna's "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," but here it is again for good measure. We'll post this until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit is dosed with a few micrograms of polonium-210. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All Dave McKenna ...
The <em>Postmortal</em> Live Funbag
Two and a half years ago, I was laid off from my day job in advertising. And since I had to find a way to make enough money to support my family (blogging didn't quite make up the difference), I knew I had to do something productive with all of the newfound free time I had. Something big. I don't kn...
The <em>Daily News</em> Tracks Down Drazen Petrovic's Forgotten Fellow Passenger
The New York Daily News' Stefan Bondy spoke with Hilal Edebal, Drazen Petrovic's then-girlfriend and the passenger in the 1993 car accident that killed the New Jersey Net. She escaped alive but brain damaged....
Jamie Moyer Will Begin Rehab And Hopes To Pitch In 2012, Despite That Whole Turning 49 Years Old Thing
The Phillies have steamrolled the National League this year, and it seems like they've been doing that a lot lately. But they've done it without their soft-tossing lefty on-field mascot, Jamie Moyer, whose slow, painful, surprising march to 300 wins was undone last year by his ulnar collateral ligam...
Serena Williams Cannot Really Recall That Line Judge Incident From "Like, Two Years Ago"
Remember that time at the 2009 U.S. Open, when Serena Williams told a line judge she was going to shove a tennis ball down her throat? Of course you do. Everyone remembers. Except for Serena....
The Officeworker’s Viewing Guide To The U.S. Open
There is no excuse for anyone to miss a single serve of tennis or a single Sasha Vujacic hair toss at the U.S. Open this year, unless he or she is employed, disinterested, or has basic life responsibilities that might keep one from watching every hour of a two-week long sporting event. But! Just in ...
Be On The Lookout For Javaris Crittenton, Because The FBI Is
Javaris Crittenton has been something of a person of interest 'round these parts, what with his hilarious inside-joke gun standoffs with Gilbert Arenas and whatnot. Most recently, he made his way to yesterday's Wake Up Deadspin post. Specifically, the "Former NBA player charged with killing mother ...
Let's Hear It For The Guy Who Forwent Fantasy Draft Picks To Share This Aaron Rodgers Photobomb Shot
Mike D. of central Texas "let 2 picks go through its time limit in a fantasy draft to send this" picture of Clay Matthews photobombing Aaron Rodgers during the Colts/Packers preseason game....
Fine, Here's The Weather Channel Real-Dong Videobomb (NSFW)
Here's to you, Virginia Beach bros, dreaming the dream. For the record, a lot of you tipsters took the time to rewind and record this momentous occasion....
Here Are A Few Hurricane Dong Submissions, One Weather Channel Real-Dong Photobomb And A Hurricane Nipple
Make no mistake about it: National Hurricane Center Deputy Director Ed Rappaport set a very high bar for Hurricane Irene dong submissions. In fact, tipster Brian simply wrote, "The end."...
HOLY SHIT GIANT RAT IMPALED ON PITCHFORK
Let's stop worrying about earthquakes and hurricanes (and, for the east coast, natural disaster inferiority) and devote some time to the problem of the giant, possibly mutant rats living underneath our buildings....
<em>ESPN The Magazine</em> Decides That Michael Vick Is White Again (UPDATE)
OK. We give up. ESPN has murdered our mole and made Vick white again. Evidently, they are entitled to their own truths....
<em>ESPN The Magazine</em> Replaces White Michael Vick With Black Michael Vick
Yes, Michael Vick is black again. The weird white photo illustration has been replaced with the above shot. Commend yourselves, people of the blogs and Twitter. You've vanquished ESPN stupidity in record time....
Who Does <em>ESPN The Magazine</em>'s White Michael Vick Look Like, And Why Is He Here?
The weird photo illustration (AJ says he looks like Brian Austin Green; do you have other ideas?) accompanied a weird story from ESPN: The Mag's Vick issue. We are dumbfounded. ...