ti Page 1886 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

No More Illini For Us For A While
We're not going to any more Illini sporting events; we're gonna need something to cheer us up....

The Yearly Night In The Champaign Snow
We arrived in the new generation coal plant capital of the world late last night — the mayor of Mattoon, charmingly, used to coach us in baseball — so our holiday season has already begun. And we kick it off with our yearly trip to Champaign for some Illini basketball....

Sadly, This Still Won't Get You A Date With A Supermodel
If you're like me, you're constantly wondering "what would Kige Ramsey's name be if he were a Brazilian soccer star?" Well, wonder no more: Answer: "Kigildo." Isiah Thomas is also fun to put in there ("Fire Thomisco!"), as is Mike Golic. Golito! It's all thanks to Brazilname, the online name genera...

Hey, Man, Get Off The Danged Roof!
After their loss to previously winless Miami on Sunday, Ravens fans need all the entertainment they can get. Fortunately, some beautiful idiot is refusing to get off the roof of a local bar until the Ravens win a game. That should go well....

It's Chris Farley Day
Stupid me; I wrote the tag "Todd has another heart attack" for About Last Night without even realizing that today marks the 10th anniversary of the death of Chris Farley. Fortunately, 100 Percent Injury Rate was all over it, putting together a nice tribute post and a bunch of classic Farley clips. ...

ESPN's Featured Comment of the Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning for its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......

Elijah Dukes Might Have Some Lady Issues
Just in time for the SHOTY Quarterfinals, our old pal Elijah Dukes is at it again. The guy just can't help himself; his fingers just tap threatening text messages as if they have a mind of their own....

Kelly Leak, Jim Duggan, Alice ... All Roiders!
I was planning on writing about the Andy Pettitte news here, but really, what is there to say? He took some human growth hormone five years ago to treat an injury and he “got caught.” Pettitte says it was the only time he tried it his career — at a time when HGH wasn’t illegal, no less — and well, I...

For Your Sunday Afternoon Viewing Pleasure
Non-Football TV • In progress — Bowling. PBA Spartanburg [ESPNC] • In progress — Into The Blue [SHOe] • 1:00 — Pool. Women's 9-Ball Championship [ESPN] • 1:00 — U.S. Marshals [SPIKE] • 1:30 — The Jackal [USA] • 2:00 — Shanghai Noon [TBS] • 2:00 — National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation [TBS] • 2:30 — ...

Rory Sabbatini And Roo
Rick linked to this yesterday, but I don't care. Video of a masturbating kangaroo interrupting play at the Australian PGA Championship last week is exactly the type of "sports news without discretion" you come here for. Well, that, and Nightmare Ant....

Hey Kids! It's The Deadspin Crossword Puzzle!
If you know this site, then you know that we're all about puzzles. And what better way to shake off the Mitchell Report Blues than to tackle a crossword? Yes, it's the first Deadspin Crossword Puzzle, and it appears after the jump. And the great part is that you helped create it. All of those Deadsp...

Could This Be, At Long Last, The World's Funniest Name?
Just when this Mitchell Report business had about pummeled us senseless, one brave man marched forward to bring forth laughter once again. And he didn't have to say a word. Sorry, Kosuke Fukudome ... but this guy's name has got you beat. In fact, this just may be the best name ever. Say it with me, ...

ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning for its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......

We Congratulate "Florida Quarterback" On His Heisman Trophy
One of the nice things about college athletes is that you don't have to pay them. Heck, it might be the best thing about college athletes. Seriously, look at them: They can put their bodies and lives on the line every week, and we don't have to give 'em nothin'. Amazing, right? And if they do really...

About Last Night
What you missed while collecting your free $25 ... • NFL: Call off the dogs! ... um, I mean, Saints 34, Falcons 14. • NBA: This just in ... Knicks lose, blame their fans. • NHL: Former Paul McCartney band beats Predators 2-1....

A Full Weekend Of Losing
David Hirshey writes regular for Deadspin about soccer....

Scary Morning In Indianapolis
Early this morning a series of gunshots were fired into the car of Indiana Pacers guard Jamaal Tinsley wounding Joey Qatato, the team's equipment manager. The Indy Star has the full story....