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"A Neat Kid": Your Passive-Aggressive 2012 NBA Draft Scouting Roundup
The NBA draft is getting underway now, which means that it is time for our annual roundup of faint praise, backhanded compliments, and snickering passive-aggression directed at the gifted players about to become honest professionals. Players are listed in the order of Chad Ford's latest mock draft....

How A Career Ends: Danny Manning, No. 1 NBA Draft Pick In 1988, Savored His Garbage Time In 2003
Tell Me When It's Over is an interview series in which we ask former athletes about the moment they knew their playing days were over. Today, with the NBA draft beginning in a matter of hours: Danny Manning, the No. 1 overall pick in the 1988 draft. ...

How To Build A 21st-Century Bullpen With Failed Hitting Prospects And A Radar Gun
Earlier this month, Sean Doolittle made his major-league debut for the Oakland Athletics. It wasn't an obviously momentous event: The left-hander took the mound with two outs in the top of the fifth, with the A's trailing Texas 5-0. He struck out Nelson Cruz to end the inning, then pitched a perfect...

Bristolmetrics: Nobody Cared About The Roger Clemens Trial Except ESPN
When last we met, the Jerry Sandusky trial was largely ignored, the Heat were once again all over SportsCenter, and hey, ESPN did a good job covering a perfect games and a no-hitter. What would this week bring? ...

Here's Why Chris Berman Calling An NFL Game Is A Terrible Idea (In Case You Needed A Reminder)
Over the years, ESPN has used the second game of the annual Week 1 Monday Night Football doubleheader as a kind of test kitchen, to see just how much bullshit American sports fans can tolerate. We've been subjected to Mike Greenberg, Mike Golic, and Mike Ditka, all at once. Twice. And now, as the ch...

Dewayne Wise's "Catch": Plucky Gamesmanship Or Low-Down Dirty Cheating? Discuss!
OK, obviously, what happened down the left-field line at Yankee Stadium last night was some ludicrous, amazing bullshit, and umpire Mike DiMuro is a disgrace. But what about Dewayne Wise? By acting as if he had the ball in his empty glove, was he cleverly grabbing any available competitive edge, li...
![The Greatest Trick Dewayne Wise Ever Pulled Was Convincing The World He Caught This Ball [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17r17aparlxnxjpg.jpg)
The Greatest Trick Dewayne Wise Ever Pulled Was Convincing The World He Caught This Ball [UPDATE]
Outfielder Dewayne Wise is used to making athletic catches. He saved Mark Buehrle's perfect game once upon a time. But it turns out he's also pretty good at selling an obvious drop on a sensational effort. He fooled YES announcer Michael Kay, he fooled the tens of thousands of other fans who didn't...

A Plush Bear Stuffed With Crap. <em>Ted</em>, Reviewed.
1. Of the myriad problems with Ted, Seth MacFarlane's flaming, masturbating fart of a comedy, the biggest one is that the teddy bear at its center is neither cute nor funny. The movie thinks he's both. For the movie's promising central joke to work—that a boy's teddy bear comes to life and then grow...

Olympics Field Guide: Ryan Lochte, The Bro Who Beat Michael Phelps
Name: Ryan Lochte...

How To Eat Dog Shit: A Condiments Guide
Before we get to the Funbag, two things. First of all, I'm on vacation next week. So we're gonna have another guest Funbag host to answer all your questions. To send a Funbag submission to our guest host, just email the tips line. The good thing about submitting questions to the guest host is that y...

What Did Internet Trolls Do Before The Internet? They Sent Letters To Wellington Mara That Wound Up In His FBI File
So you think you're a successful troll? Think again, tough guy....

Clyde Drexler: Everybody On The Dream Team Felt Sorry For Magic, Everyone In The NBA Was Waiting For Him To Die
Sports Illustrated's Jack McCallum followed the Dream Team around during the 1992 Olympics, and he has a new book, Dream Team, which covers the team in great detail. McCallum writes about the NBA climate before Barcelona, the team's various selection controversies, their legendary practices, and the...

Olympics Field Guide: Race Imboden, The New Face Of American Fencing
Name: Race Imboden...

Anyone Heard Any Good Jerry Sandusky Prison Rape Jokes?
In the immediate wake of Jerry Sandusky being found guilty on many counts, guaranteeing him many, many years in prison followed by death, there's not a right way to feel. Go with elated, or relieved, or vengeful, or unsatisfied, believe that justice won out or as the mother of one of Sandusky's vict...

Former ESPNer Dana Jacobson: "I Was Molested As A Child"
Now that Jerry Sandusky has been convicted, count former ESPN personality Dana Jacobson among those empowered to speak out about a personal experience with child sex abuse. Jacobson, who hasn't returned to TV since leaving ESPN at the end of April, relates a story on her personal blog this morning a...

Welcome To The New Commenting System
Everyone, this is Kinja. Kinja, everyone. A few things you should know....
![Amateur Hour At The U.S. Track And Field Olympic Trials [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17qrxfsh44rn9jpg.jpg)
Amateur Hour At The U.S. Track And Field Olympic Trials [UPDATE]
Allyson Felix and Jeneba Tarmoh are Olympic track and field hopefuls in the women's 100m event. Last night, Tarmoh was initially ruled to have finished ahead of Felix and thus Tarmoh came in third and Felix fourth. It's an important distinction because only three athletes are permitted to represe...

Fellow Inmates Reportedly Sang "Hey, Teacher, Leave Those Kids Alone" To Jerry Sandusky
Following guilty verdicts on 45 of 48 counts, Jerry Sandusky was shipped off to Centre County Correctional Facility, the same facility he was initially held in December. According to a fellow inmate at the time, known only as Josh, Sandusky was on the receiving end of some a cappella ridiculing....
![The Verdict Is In: Jerry Sandusky Found Guilty On All But Three Counts [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17qm6y9ihd0afjpg.jpg)
The Verdict Is In: Jerry Sandusky Found Guilty On All But Three Counts [UPDATE]
The New York Times is reporting that Jerry Sandusky has been found guilty on 45 of the 48 counts against him, a sweeping verdict that ought to keep him in prison for life. ...

Dead Letters: "Hey Cuntbags. Research This."
Subject: Forward to Clint [Hurdle]...