tsa Page 51 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Whitlock Says No Tattoos, No Fat Chicks Equals Ratings Bonanza
Jason Whitlock has a new column fortified with eight types of essential craziness, arguing that one of the main reasons ratings are up for the NBA Playoffs is that many of the teams that hung around are devoid of tattoo-clad ruffians and street toughs. Another shocking revelation: fat people have se...
There's No Reason That Random Urinalysis Can't Be Fun
Barry Bonds may be gone, but as penance for profiting over his steroid-soaked home run record chase, I think the Giants should have to dump Lou Seal and adopt a new mascot. Meet Petey P. Cup, who not only charms young and old with his playful urine-related antics, but serves as a sober reminder of b...
Wait, Stealing Condoms Is A Crime?
We remember when a friend of ours, in high school, gave us advice, handed down to him by his grandfather, on how to buy condoms. "The trick," he said, "is not to try to slip them in with other purchases, or anything like that. Sorry, man: You just have to steal them." We didn't take that tactic, but...
HBO: Jessica Simpson Will Not Retard Our Football Camp Show
Everyone getting excited about the upcoming season of Hard Knocks: Dallas Cowboys has every right to be. With a colorful cast of characters to choose from like Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones (please), Tony Romo and the mesmerizing handywork of Jerry Jones' plastic surgeon, it'll be entertaining televis...
Minor League Goalie Peppered With Pucks, Surrenders
Announcement: Michael Leighton is not in the mood to take out the freaking trash tonight — or for any other goddamned requests — after making 98 saves in an American Hockey League game ... and losing. Shit! Leighton and the Albany River Rats lost in the longest game in AHL history on Thursday, when ...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while recovering from spousal carrot-related violence ... • NHL: Second-line wing helps Wings wing Avalanche, 4-3. • MLB: Ah, the lost art of the doubleheader sweep ... not to mention the .028 ERA. Indians 9-2, Royals 6-0. • NBA: Rockets realize it's a best-of-seven deal, begin tryin...
Do Protective Cups Even Help Any More?
In Saturday's 5-4 loss to the Capitals, the Flyers' Patrick Thoresen attempted to block a shot with his body and ended up getting drilled with the puck. But, unlike the thousands of other times this occurs during a hockey season, Thoresen got hit with the puck right in the peach basket, which dente...
Jose Canseco's Lawyer Finally Released Into The Wild
You may remember, from Pat Jordan's already famous story for us about trying to interview Jose Canseco, his lawyer "Rob," a "a Cherokee Indian from North Carolina" who, after four years working for Jose, had yet to be paid. Well, Canseco might have just done Rob — whose real name is Robert Saunooke ...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Fiery NASCAR Crash Was The Work Of Scheming Terrorist Fire Ants
You always wondered if NASCAR drivers could turn right. Well, they can, but only once. The twisted remains of the vehicle you see here belonged to Michael McDowell, who rubbed the wall the wrong way (too hard, and straight on) in qualifying for this week's Samsung 500 at Texas Motor Speedway. But no...
Kevin Johnson's Mayoral Campaign May Have Hit A Snag
A lot of people perked up and took notice last week when former Cal and Phoenix Suns guard Kevin Johnson announced that he was running for mayor of Sacramento. Johnson is known as a philanthropist, having devoted himself to several urban renewal projects around Sacramento (his hometown) since his re...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch instead of attending the NASCAR race ... • Boxing: Lightweights, Bobby "Dave Coulier" Pacquiao vs. Urbano "Smelling Salts" Antillon; heavyweights, Tye "Mrs." Fields vs. Josue "Hemophiliac" Blocus, at Las Vegas (9 p.m., ET) [Versus] • College basketball: Big East Conference quarterfinal...
About Last Night...
What you missed while losing an hour of your weekend......
About Last Night...
What you missed while having a pant full of bone......
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while wondering whether the stuff on the ice is leaked fluid from a Zamboni, or more blood... • Pretty People and Their Writers: 80th Annual Academy Awards. You bet your sweet ass I'll be making my picks known. [ABC] • NBA: Bulls at Rockets. I'm going out on a limb and taking Houston. ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while picking In Bruges for Best Use of Little Person in next year's Oscar pool... • Movie: Joe Louis: America's Hero... Betrayed. This biographical documentary should be great. [HBO] • CBB: Tennessee at Memphis, this should be pretty great as well. [ESPN] • Boxing: Wladimir Klitschko ...
About Last Night
What you missed while typing something you don't remember typing. Why, it was as if an occult hand had reached out and taken control of your keyboard ... • College basketball: Hoosiers circle the wagons, subdue Boilermakers. • Politicking: Obama win streak reaches 10; McCain cruises; Leitch a disapp...
About Last Night
What you missed after hearing "Crank That" one too many times ... • College basketball: The last time Kansas State won at home against Kansas, Matt Leinart had not yet been born. • NFL: No mention of Tom Brady's ankle on Patriots' injury report. Belichick, in fact, denies Brady has an ankle. • NBA: ...
Lleyton Hewitt's Sister Probably Works Out
This is Lleyton Hewitt's sister Jaslyn. Obviously being some sort of body builder she's significantly more intimidating than any of the nancy boys on the ATP Tour, but on the women's side of things she'd just be another face. The wily Mottram brothers at Mister Irrelevant couldn't help but noticing ...
Lleyton Hewitt's Sister Probably Works Out
This is Lleyton Hewitt's sister Jaslyn. Obviously being some sort of body builder she's significantly more intimidating than any of the nancy boys on the ATP Tour, but on the women's side of things she'd just be another face. The wily Mottram brothers at Mister Irrelevant couldn't help but noticing ...