w Page 3121 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Is A Crappy Under Armour Race Suit Slowing Down U.S. Speed Skating?
The U.S. has sucked something fierce in speed skating so far at Sochi. Through more than half of its races, Team USA still hasn't medaled. This is astonishing, because speed skating is traditionally one of the U.S.'s strongest winter sports. One explanation for the dip? As the Wall Street Journal fi...
Do Dominica's Adorable Skiers Deserve A Gold Medal In Tax Dodging?
There's plenty about the Winter Olympics to make a guy root for global warming: the so-called "Olympic tourists," for example. That's a tag applied to folks who have enough money and leisure time to make up for whatever talent deficiency kept them from competing for their real home country in the Ga...
Pierre The Pelican Looks Like A Normal Mascot Now
Well, here we are. Pierre the Pelican's days as a soul-devouring bird of terror are over. The Pelicans revealed their new-look mascot last night, and Pierre is now a perfectly acceptable mascot that finally resembles an actual pelican. The children of New Orleans can sleep a little easier now....
John Chaney Threatened To Kill John Calipari 20 Years Ago Today
Feb. 13, 1994, Temple coach John Chaney had to be pulled away from UMass's John Calipari following a Minutemen win. You know this, and the images are part of our collective sports memory by now. But try to watch the incident with fresh eyes. Never forget how incredible it is that this happened....
CC Sabathia Is Skinny Now And It's Weird
This screengrab of a gaunt-looking CC Sabathia at last night's Knicks game is making the rounds, and it's damn near disturbing. Is he...OK? We are happy to report that Sabathia is healthy, maybe healthier than he's been in decades....
Let's Go On An NSFW Tour Of The Olympic Village
You thought all those stories you hear every two years about how the Olympic village is just one big fuck den were bullshit, didn't you? Well, you were wrong....
UFC Books Match Between Number One Contender And Twitter User
Daniel Cormier is one of the most terrifying men on the planet, a former Olympic wrestling team captain and pro fighter who's the top contender at heavyweight and one fight away from a title shot at light heavyweight. Yesterday he was sad, because former light heavyweight champion Rashad Evans had ...
Rules For Ben-Gals Cheerleaders: "No Panties," "No Slouching Breasts"
Looks like that Raiderettes lawsuit was just the beginning. Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader Alexa Brenneman has filed her own class-action lawsuit against the team for allegedly violating federal employment laws. As with the Raiders and Ravens, the juiciest reading here is the list of rules handed do...
Your Guide To Jason Brown, The Skater You Can't Help But Cheer For
American figure skater Jason Brown probably won't win an individual medal at these Olympics, but he might end up becoming a household name anyway. If that seems odd to you, don't worry, we can explain....
Those Olympic Hockey Organists You've Been Enjoying Are From The NHL
If you've watched any of the men's hockey games during these Olympics, you've probably found yourself enjoying the work of the arena organist. So far, games have featured snippets of the Star Wars and Game of Thrones theme songs, Van Halen's "Right Now," and Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus." It just...
America's Baseball Writers Mourn The Passing Of Derek Jeter
Like the rest of us, America's baseball writers were surprised when New York Yankees captain Derek Jeter took to Facebook yesterday to announce his retirement. Unlike the rest of us, many of them seem to have been so surprised that they mistook his retirement for his death, and wrote obituaries. Her...
Torin Yater-Wallace Is The Stoner-Philosopher Of The Olympics
There is no one in the world I would rather have to guide me through the intricacies of a food court than an 18-year-old freeskier from Colorado. Torin Yater-Wallace, now America's greatest sporting hero after raiding the Olympic Village McDonald's for a pile of cheeseburgers, was tracked down by Ya...
Russian Curler Eats It
This morning, Russian skip Andrey Drozdov learned a valuable lesson about the momentum of curling stones and the slipperiness of ice. He learned it with his face....
Here's A Swiss Ski Fan Humping A Giant Bell
Can't say this is a technique that I've ever seen before....
Injured Evgeni Plushenko Withdraws From Men's Individual Event
Legendary Russian figure skater Evgeni Plushenko will not be competing for a medal in the men's individual figure skating event after all. When Plushenko took the ice to begin his short program today, he skated over to the judges' table and told them that he was withdrawing from the competition. ...
Can Women's Pro Soccer Work In America? An Investigation, In Sweden
Originally published in Howler Magazine, which you can purchase here. Follow the magazine on Twitter, @whatahowler. Photo by Ryu Voelkel....
Nobody In Sochi Is Having More Fun Than Johnny Weir
Johnny Weir came to Sochi with the potential to be controversial. The openly gay, openly Russophile former skater was a lightning rod for Russia's LGBT critics, but now that the games are underway, he's been nothing but fabulous....
Falling Chunk Of Disco Ball Delays Warriors Game
Did you know there is a big disco ball hanging from the ceiling at Oracle Arena? I did not know about this big disco ball. ...
Schools Are Putting Out Wonderfully Dorky Snow Day Announcements
Snow and ice storms have struck much of the eastern half of the country, restricting travel and shutting down schools. What's better than learning you've got a snow day? Learning you've got a snow day from an administrator's Vanilla Ice parody song!...