w Page 5006 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tony Romo And Jessica Simpson Preparing For Wedded Bliss
Sure Jessica Simpson may have been a distraction to the Cowboys this past season; the only thing standing between the franchise and a Super Bowl championship (tries to suppress gales of laughter). So to ensure a healthy and successful 2008 season, Tony Romo should dump her, right? Well here's a solu...

I Know What You're Wondering, And The Answer Is Yes, I Have Taped You Masturbating
Welcome to the Deadspin Guest Lecture Series. Each week, we'll be inviting various luminaries from the world of sports - players, coaches, broadcasters, and MORE! - to speak to you Deadspin folks. This week: Former Patriots assistant and eye of the Spygate maelstrom, Matt Walsh....

Baseball Season Preview: Cleveland Indians
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; it's spring training, after all....

May Isiah Thomas Never Leave Us
We know it was mentioned in the NBA Closer, but we really have to delve further into what happened with Isiah Thomas and the Knicks in Philadelphia last night....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you mock the humorless ... • College basketball: North Carolina at N.C. State (7 p.m., ET) [ESPN]; Marquette at St. John's (7 p.m., ET), Kansas State at Nebraska (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN2]. Tuneup for Bracket Madness. • NBA: L.A. Lakers at Phoenix (9 p.m., ET). Kobe vs. Shaq. Rated nacho-...

Acorns In The Digestive Tract
Every two weeks, the gents at Free Darko will be taking a look at the deranged ecosystem that is the National Basketball Association in their own indelible fashion. Here's this week's entry, from Dr. Lawyer Indian Chief....

Attention Terrell Owens: Help Is On The Way
So a guy in Brazil, not content with the normal tattoo options in his area, has had octopus suction cups grafted onto his arms. Cool! My guess is that Belichick has already made this required surgery for all of his receivers; and Derek Jeter is looking into it as well. Whereas Ichiro Suzuki just lo...

Baseball Season Preview: New York Mets
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; it's spring training, after all....

ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......

Keith Van Horn Has A Nice Gig, If You Can Get It
After the Jason Kidd trade finally went down — Mark Cuban says "this deal will have impact!" — the one question everyone had was ... Keith Van Horn's still playing? No, he isn't, which you probably know by now; he just never filed the papers. And now he's even richer than he was before....

Jim Bowden Uses Subtle Reminders Of His Authority
We're not sure what much more we can add to this photo of Nationals general manager Jim Bowden riding a Segway around the team's spring training....

About Last Night
What you missed while typing something you don't remember typing. Why, it was as if an occult hand had reached out and taken control of your keyboard ... • College basketball: Hoosiers circle the wagons, subdue Boilermakers. • Politicking: Obama win streak reaches 10; McCain cruises; Leitch a disapp...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as ... Gahhh! Where moon? ... • College basketball: Purdue at Indiana (7 p.m., ET); Georgia at Kentucky (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN]; N.C.-Greensboro at Davidson (7 p.m., ET) [ESPN2]. The Belk Arena Faithful make Cameron Crazies look like nuns. • Cycling: Tour of California, stage 2, Santa Rosa...

Top 10 Things That Are More Boring Than The Bibby Trade
In case you missed it - and that would have been easy to do - Mike Bibby was traded to the Atlanta Hawks last weekend. I sincerely hope you don't care, but in case you do, the Hawks sent starting point guard Anthony Johnson, 2007 first-round pick Shelden Williams, backup point guard Tyronn Lue, vete...

Other Than That, How Was The Race, Mrs. Lincoln?
New weekend editor Christmas Ape tried out to be one of the guys who run the Presidents Races at Washington Nationals games. Here's how it went....

Baseball Season Preview: Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim
For the third consecutive season, we are proud to introduce the Deadspin Baseball Season Previews. Yes, baseball is awfully close now; it's spring training, after all....

Watch Where You Park Your Truck Around The Cows
Far be it from us to tell Rockies outfielder Ryan Spilborghs what to do with his truck, or how to live his life, but we think he should either consider new parking options, or stop offending the golden gods of animal excrement....

Lawrence Frank Might Have Been The Knight Mole
The Indiana-Purdue game tonight has the makings of a classic, with the surging Boilers heading into Bloomington to tick down the last dying days of Kelvin Sampson at Indiana. It's gonna be fun. And another subplot? How about Nets coach Lawrence Frank ... and Bob Knight?...

Non-Robotic Jason Taylor To Dance Like The Wind
You surely remember the monstrosity (and potential extinctive agent for humanity as a whole) that was the Jason Taylor Robot. (It responds to visual stimulation! Ack!) Well, the real life version — as much as a "real life version" can exist — is about to be cutting a proverbial rug....

From Octopussies To Go Wings Gonads
The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer....