we Page 312 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Player And Lottery Hopeful Very Excited To Be Featured On Local News
Los Angeles Rams (that’s going to take getting used to) defensive lineman Chris Long appears on television in millions of home each week, but that still didn’t prevent him from getting excited about making the local news in Charlottesville, Va. NFL stars, they’re just like us!...
Full-Court Inbounds Hits Rim And Bounces To Teammate, Who Makes Game-Tying Shot
Down two with just 1.7 seconds left against Oswego State and inbounding from under their opponent’s basket, the D3 Brockport Golden Eagles needed some Grant Hill to Christian Laettner shit to even make it to overtime. That’s not exactly what happened, but somehow the ball Rube Goldberg Machine’d its...
Report: Chandler Jones Hospitalized After Smoking Synthetic Weed
Chandler Jones went to the hospital Sunday morning with no clear explanation. According to Christopher Gasper of the Boston Globe, the Patriots defensive end had used synthetic weed....
Dimitri Payet Wasn't Supposed To Be A Star, Yet Became One Anyway
It’s not often that a player comes into the big bad Premier League and from day one treats the World’s Best League like a playground pitch for him to dominate the way he would any other. But that’s how West Ham’s Dimitri Payet has attacked England. He’s a nearly sui generis phenomenon who, having co...
What Happened With Chandler Jones?
There is a strange, mysterious story unfolding involving Patriots Pro Bowl DE Chandler Jones, police, a hospital visit, an officer’s apparent reference to drugs, and the unusual deletion of police dispatch records once the media started sniffing around. Let’s try to sort out what we know so far....
The NBA's Plays Of The Night Were A Tribute To David Bowie
The guy who does the voiceover work for NBA.com’s daily highlight packages is a true gem. This morning, he filled his daily highlight package with references to the late, great David Bowie....
Some Theories About Bill Belichick's Mysterious Black Eye
Patriots head coach Bill Belichick showed up to his press conference this morning sporting a shiner above his left eye. He didn’t bother to explain how he got it, so we’ve come up with a few educated guesses....
Alabama's Jimmie Taylor Discovers New Way To Box Out
Kentucky won today’s SEC basketball battle in Tuscaloosa today 77-61, but it was the Crimson Tide that contributed to the college basketball corpus of literature as forward Jimmie Taylor introduced a new way of boxing out defenders to secure the offensive rebound. Despite this innovation, Taylor was...
<i>Star Wars</i>-Inspired Patriots Hype Video Doesn't Even Make Sense
Get ready for the “sports highlights mashed up with Star Wars: The Force Awakens” genre to become a ubiquitous internet thing. Let us hope the other entries are better than this one....
This Toronto Raptors Executive Had An Extremely Tight Wedding
I’m fully aware of the fact that rich people’s ridiculous weddings get written up in places like Vogue precisely because non-rich people will read sentences like, “Everyone gently retrieved their seat assignments from sphagnum moss falling from the boughs of a weeping cherry tree” and go, “Whaaaaaaa...
I Lost Almost 50 Pounds, But Not My Inhibitions
So I’m standing in line at Taco Bell sometime in the early 2000s, and up at the counter they’ve got a TV showing us security-camera footage of ourselves, and that’s how I catch sight of the hulking, disheveled, terrifying man looming directly behind me. He is the size of 3.5 normal people, even in t...
#DaddySworeAnOath Is The Best Way To Mock Those Oregon Dinguses
Out of all the jamokes currently attending the Guns ’N Camo sleepaway camp in a remote and unspectacular administrative building in Oregon, the guy in the video above might be the jamokiest. Click play, and you’ll see Jon Ritzheimer tearfully inform his children that he won’t be home for awhile beca...
More Evidence That Tom Brady Is A Fancy Dog
We have previously put forward the theory that Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is in fact a fancy dog. For those of you who scoffed at our perfectly sound reasoning, I present more irrefutable evidence that Tom Brady is indeed a dog, and a fancy one at that....
Kanye West's New Song Is So Bullshit
I’ve been a Kanye West stan since high school. I’m on record as saying he has like 18 perfect songs. I’ve dressed up as Kanye for Halloween, twice. I’ve publicly hailed “All Day” as an unmatched sonic triumph even though I know it’s just okay. 808s & Heartbreak made me cry, and My Beautiful Dark Twi...
Those Jamokes In Oregon Aren't Terrorists, They're Jamokes
The American political lexicon has an appropriate word for the armed men conspicuously loitering in part of Oregon’s Malheur National Wildlife Refuge instead of going home. It is not terrorist or militia or occupation or revolution or movement or front or army or resistance. The word is jamoke. “Get...
The Broncos Are Peyton Manning's Again
Active Sunday for the first time since Nov. 15, and serving as a backup for the first time in his career since 1994—when he was behind Todd Helton on Tennessee’s depth chart—Peyton Manning spent the first half watching the Broncos turn the ball over and seemingly squander a chance to be the AFC’s No...
Petros Papadakis Hams It Up
The Challenge with Fred Roggin is a Southern California post-game institution—something like a localized George Michael’s Sports Machine on ketamine and offering prizes to viewers—so here’s co-host Petros Papadakis celebrating the end of the season with a pig. I can’t really explain this, and it get...
"What In The World Just Happened There!?" Maryland & Northwestern Combine For Wild Sequence
Northwestern is sporting its best men’s basketball team in years—maybe ever, given that the Wildcats have never, ever made the NCAA tournament—and Maryland’s fourth-ranked Terrapins are in Evanston tonight looking to darken those bright Chicago skies (heh, heh)....
