whimsy Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Vacation Home Beset By Legion Of Barfing And Shitting Vultures
Behold the Palm Beach vacation home that was recently purchased for $702,000, and behold the great many winged beasts who have shat and barfed their way to becoming the home’s true lords and masters:...
Rex Ryan Is Still Thinking About Those Feeties
Rex Ryan loves feet—specifically his wife’s feet, and we have all known this for years and years. What’s inspiring about Ryan is not that he has an admiration for feet, but that he is extremely comfortable with the entire world having knowledge of that admiration....
Would You Fight And Die For Titan, The New Dog-King Of Baseball?
Look upon Titan, your new sovereign. Titan began his reign at last night’s Rockies game, leading a legion of hounds into the ballpark and laid claim to all lands within it....
Antonio Brown Is Now Desperately Searching Twitter For The Helmet He Wants
Antonio Brown is due back at Raiders training camp today, following an extended absence that was caused by his accursed feet and his displeasure at no longer being able to wear the kind of helmet he prefers. Brown’s appeal to the NFL to allow him to go on wearing his old helmet failed, but that does...
Report: Antonio Brown Is Threatening To Quit Football Over League Helmet Requirements
Antonio Brown’s tenure as a member of the Oakland Raiders could not be getting off to a weirder start. First came the pictures of his mangled feet, then the reports that said mangling occurred when he stepped into a cryotherapy chamber barefoot and got frostbite. Now, things have taken an even stran...
Actor Who Portrayed QB Gets Called Out, Goes To Great Lengths To Prove He Can Actually Throw A Football
The internet shared a chuckle over the weekend at the expense of actor Robbie Amell, who in a viral clip from the 2015 movie The DUFF appeared to have no actual idea how to throw a football, in a scene where he is meant to be playing a star high school quarterback. Have a look at this mess:...
Vic Fangio Coached While Passing A Kidney Stone
Vic Fangio has been coaching football at the college and pro level for 40 years, and through all that time he’s never held a head coaching position, until this season. Fangio was hired to be the head coach of the Denver Broncos during the offseason, and last night’s preseason game against the Falcon...
If You Have To Take A Pitch To The Face, This Is The Most Pleasant Way To Do It
There’s nothing a hitter wants to see less than a fastball screaming towards his jaw, but such a sight doesn’t always mean disaster is in store. Sometimes the ball just wants to give you a lil’ kiss!...
Jennifer Lopez Surprised Alex Rodriguez With A Birthday Cake, But He Didn't Eat It
Alex Rodriguez was in his usual spot in the Sunday Night Baseball booth for Yankees-Red Sox when he was surprised by fiancée Jennifer Lopez and his two daughters. Saturday was his 44th birthday, and they had brought him a cake. The baked good itself was ... understated....
Idiot On The Pitch Is Nearly Trampled, Escapes Unscathed, Has Whiskers, Is A Cat
An idiot invaded the pitch in the 92nd minute of Wednesday night’s Leagues Cup Tournament match between Real Salt Lake and Liga MX side Tigres UANL, at a point when the game was very much still up for grabs. The absolute moron very nearly took the ball off the feet of Tigres player André-Pierre Gign...
Here's The UK's Next Prime Minister Boris Johnson Doing Sports
Boris Johnson, a disheveled, dishonest, discombobulated clod, will be the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. He will do a bad job. He might be more capable as a sportsman, though that isn’t much consolation or compliment....
Let These Good Baseball Children Warm Your Rotten Heart
Wednesday night’s Dodgers-Phillies game was interrupted by a lengthy rain delay. For one fan this meant an opportunity to treat the tarp covering the infield as a Slip ’n Slide; for others, it meant sleep. For many, it meant leaving the stadium and going home. Those who left missed the Dodgers carry...
Tupac-Obsessed Iowa Public Servant Resigns In Mystery
The Iowa Department for Human Services provides services to the poor, children, senior citizens, and people with mental illness, addictions, or disabilities. Jerry Foxhoven, a retired law professor, was appointed to head up the agency in 2017, and until he was ousted last month, he added another di...
Ned Yost Can Teach You Whippersnappers A Thing Or Two About The Moon Landing, So Listen Up!
The Royals beat the White Sox 11-0 last night, and got a complete game shutout from starting pitcher Glenn Sparkman. But who gives a shit about any of that? We’re here to learn about space from Royals manager Ned Yost....
Steve Kerr Tentatively Reminds Shaq Of Obligation To Kiss Kerr's Cheese-Covered Feet
Back in 2005, Shaquille O’Neal thought no coach would ever match what Phil Jackson did with the Lakers between 2000 to 2004: guide a team to the Finals four out of five years. “It will never be done again,” Shaq said, promising to kiss the cheese-covered feet of any person that did it, on a TV show ...
Children's Birthday Party Gets Much Cooler After New Jersey Devils' Mascot Runs Through Glass Window
When you’re a child, it’s surely cool to have the New Jersey Devils’ mascot show up to your birthday shindig, but what’s much more impressive is when NJ Devil gets overwhelmed by the play parachute, starts running around, and shatters a glass window. How many kids get to say that happened at their p...
Nobody Had More Fun Watching Wimbledon Than Woody Harrelson Did
Juan Sebastian Cabal and Robert Farah defeated French duo Nicolas Mahut and Edouard Roger-Vasselin 6-7(5), 7-6(5), 7-6(6), 6-7(5), 6-3 in a match that lasted nearly five hours to become the first Colombian players to win a Grand Slam men’s doubles title. It was arguably the best match played at Wimb...
Jacoby Brissett Asks A Cosmic-Brained Question About The Cosmos
The summer offseason is a time for NFL football players to get away from the game, rest, heal, and pursue various forms of personal fulfillment. For Colts backup quarterback Jacoby Brissett, this is a time for pondering the big questions of, literally, the universe. Like, for example, whether the Su...
Today's Internet Artifact Is Tiny Rose Lavelle Doing Soccer Tricks To Eurythmics
Before Rose Lavelle was a World Cup champion, a bronze ball winner, or a USWNT player, she was a kid doing totally sick soccer tricks in her backyard so she could impress Grandma. Apparently, in addition to Mia Hamm, Rose loved Eurythmics....