whimsy Page 57 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Nick Swisher Will Take His Goofball Show To Cleveland
It's a sad day for baseball fans—Nick Swisher is going to the Cleveland Indians for what could possibly be a five year, $70 million deal. Unfortunately, Cleveland being Cleveland, we will likely never see Swish again. With that hard truth in mind, we bid a fond (or not so fond, whatever) farewell t...
Here's UCF's Best Dance Teamer, Who Just So Happens To Be An Eight-Foot-Tall Man
It was so brief, we weren't sure we had seen it correctly, but reader Todd sent in the video: UCF's dance team seems to be organized around, if not led by, an extremely tall, enthusiastic and graceful male dance teamer. We like his style. We like his passion. We like his pom-poms, and the fact tha...
Everyone At ESPN Is Still Under Tim Tebow's Spell
Both the graphics department and the on-air talent—in this case, Chris Berman—believe this to be Tim "it only took ten seconds" Tebow and Jake Locker chattin' and tossin' the old pigskin at the beginning of Monday Night Countdown....
This Is The Letter You Get From The Neighbors After You Get Drunk, Pee On Their Couch, And Run Around Their House While Wearing Your Shirt As A Cape
"Frank" had a hell of a weekend. We're told he remembers none of it, but his next-door neighbors sure can. Frank somehow ended up in their apartment on Saturday, his shirt tied around his neck like a cape. It was mostly downhill from there....
"Minimum of 5 Years Of Successful Collegiate Football Coaching Experience Preferred": You Can Apply To Coach Wisconsin Football
You only have 11 days to ready your application, and you have to possess a bachelor's degree, but the rest of it is all optional: If you sent in a good enough application—and really, that's just about confidence—you could probably wow them enough that they would waive their "preference" for a coach...
Robin Yount Shot Dale Sveum In The Ear While Quail Hunting
Baseball's winter meetings haven't been a huge source of excitement so far this year. The Nationals made a splash by signing Dan Haren, but the big names like Josh Hamilton and Zack Greinke are still waiting to be snapped up, and no blockbuster trades have happened....
Does Carson Cistulli's Admittance To The BBWAA Finally Justify His Preposterously Detailed Wikipedia Page?
Earlier today, Carson Cistulli of FanGraphs, along with a few internet-based others, joined the ranks of the Baseball Writers' Association of America, the organization which ensures media access to baseball games, and votes for major awards and Hall of Fame membership....
Eddy Curry Has A Clothing Company Called ZooHigh, Because "Animals Are Almost Just As Dope As Humans"
Big man Eddy Curry has a lot of free time on his hands after playing only two games for the Dallas Mavericks this season before being released. Being a free agent has led Curry to devote more attention to Zoo High, his clothing company. Zoo High has been around for a while, but it seems that Curry ...
Georgia Woman Exposes Self, Molests Bar Patrons While Watching SEC Championship Game
Watching a big football game at a bar can be fun. You get to drink beer, cheer loudly, and share in the joy of victory or the pain of defeat with other like-minded fans. That experience is probably what patrons of El Jinete and Friends Sports Grill (!) in Dacula, Ga., were looking for when they set...
Gregg Popovich Continued His Streak Of Trolling Sideline Reporters Last Night
Usually, Gregg Popovich goes right for the jugular when he decides to condescend to whatever poor schmuck has to conduct a sideline interview with him. But he threw us a bit of a curveball last night, answering the first two questions he got from Charles Barkley earnestly and without any sneering....
There Is Nowhere Else To Go But Up For The Washington Wizards
The Washington Wizards lost to the San Antonio Spurs tonight and are now 0-12 on the season. John Wall remains injured but it looks like he has a plan. Or he's falling asleep. Either way....
South Carolina Gamecocks Top Clemson, Violent Sexual Predators
Sometimes things happen and we don't realize they are happening. That's how you wind up with a "Sexual Predators: The Numbers Are Rising" headline immediately beneath a picture of the streaking and dominant University of South Carolina football program....
What Was Up With ABC's Soundtrack For The Michigan-Ohio State Game?
Ohio State completed its undefeated, ineligible season by defeating Michigan 26-21 in college football's best rivalry game today, but viewers seemed consumed as much by ABC/ESPN's choice in bump music as they were the action happening on the field. We're not sure what prompted the eclectic mix, but...
The Kansas City Chiefs (Basically) Killed A Guy
Seriously, that's what the obituary in the Kansas City Star says. "Loren G. 'Sam' Lickteig died on November 14 as a result of (OK, fine—complications due to multiple sclerosis—but also) "heartbreaking disappointment caused by the Kansas City football team."...
Orioles Prospect Needs To Find A New Superstition Now That Hostess Has Closed Up Shop
Orioles pitching prospect Kevin Gausman was drafted by the Baltimore Orioles, signed to a $4.23 million signing bonus and pitched 15 innings of professional baseball this year. Because baseball players are weirdos, Gausman must eat four powdered mini-doughnuts prior to each inning he pitches. Obviou...
Jason Kidd Plus A Scalp Wound Plus A Headband Equals A Wes Anderson Character
The Knicks are playing the Pacers this afternoon at Madison Square Garden. As of this writing, the Knicks had a 16-point lead halfway through the third quarter. Sadly, Jason Kidd suffered a head injury and was replaced by what appears to be a scalped Bob Balaban....
Alabama Is At The Center Of A Photograph As Horrifying As It Is Puzzling
We received this picture of a reveling goblin-man delighting in fire and emptiness under the subject "ROLL TIDE!" No further information was provided. Aside from the Nightmare at sea level to the right, we are unsure what we are looking at....
"Driver's License Belonging to David Petraeus's Lover Found By”: A Brief Index Of Recent Notable Events Involving Joggers
An occasional miscellany (with a head nod toward this great old post on Runner's World's website)....
A Very Important Bill Simmons GIF
Words cannot do justice to Flapping Bill Simmons. Words cannot do justice to Flapping Bill Simmons. Words cannot do justice to Flapping Bill Simmons. Words cannot do justice to Flapping Bill Simmons....
Stephen A. Smith To Babe: "Family's Fine...Nothing But A Power Outage"
Everyone is, thankfully, safe. We assume that includes jokes-having peeps. ...