whimsy Page 68 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Comprehensive Analysis Of Grantland's Diction So Far
Grantland has now been live for almost 30 hours, which means that any impressions of the content of the site are going to be largely based on preconceived opinions and biases. The above word cloud and following word frequency analysis are asinine, which is the point....
This Is What It Sounds Like When Bob Ley Raps
On Outside the Lines today, Bob Ley found cause to recite a few bars from Jay-Z's DeShawn Stevenson dis track "Blow the Whistle," which Hova recorded during the hilarious LeBron & Jay-Z vs. DeShawn & Soulja Boy feud a few years back. There was little reason to expect that when James said that resp...
Matt Kemp Encapsulates McCourt Era In Well-Meaning 20-Second Video
"We want more fans." Also, money....
OK, For The Last Time: Plaxico Burress Was Not Wearing Sweatpants The Night He Shot Himself
The night he busted a cap in his thigh, Plaxico Burress was wearing jeans. This is a fact confirmed both by the New York County District Attorney's Office and Burress himself. He was not wearing sweatpants. There is as much proof that he wore sweatpants that night as there is that he wore a crinolin...
Tiny Child Inspires Us To Get Up Off Our Asses To Pwactice Widing A Bike
With the way cynicism travels through generations these days, we'll give him about six to eight years before he realizes that compared to the rest of life, riding a bike isn't really a big deal at all. But my god, what good cheer! Consider this cold heart (especially from someone who also struggle...
Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man....
This Memorial Day Weekend, Don't Forget To Prepare For The Penis Inspector
As far as we know, this isn't real. Carlmont High (Calif.) students don't have to "ensure that their penises are clean and orderly," nor do they have to procure a friend's pubes if they have trimmed their own. It's a senior prank, and a well-executed one at that....
47 Of Maria Sharapova's Grunts In Her Second-Round French Open Win
Maria Sharapova faced Caroline Garcia, a 17-year-old French up-and-comer, in the second round of the French Open today. Garcia took the first set and led 4-1 until midway through the second, when Sharapova took 11 straight games to win, 3-6, 6-4, 6-0. Sharapova's known for her grunting, of course;...
A Rigorous Taxonomy And Analysis Of Lucky Charms From The 2011 NBA Draft Lottery
The darling of the NBA draft lottery last week was a sickly imp in a bowtie. The year before that it was a sorrowful widow in pearls. How did this come to pass? You can thank superstition (although not me for bringing you this post a week late). Sadly, too many NBA teams and executives still ignore ...
Hines Ward, NFL's Dirtiest Player And Dancer, Almost Paralyzed His Tango Partner This Week
Hines Ward unintentionally body-slammed his partner, Kym Johnson, during a rehearsal for the show Dancing With The Stars last week. She suffered a sprained vertebrae and returned for what could only have been an "emotional" and "teary" and "inspiring" performance with Ward — and, having survived a...
Michelle Obama Teaches You How To Dougie
We were wondering if our President and First Lady could do anything to top what just might be The Best Week Ever In Presidential History. And then Michelle Obama went ahead and did the Dougie. This, you should know, as a potentially tax-paying American, is a part of the "Let's Move!" campaign and ...
Mets Games Plastered With Commercials From This Charming Bankruptcy Lawyer
Everything about this commercial is just so Wilpon-era Mets: Attorney Pankin's accent, his super-starchy collar, his gait, forced as though Tsuyoshi Shinjo's lucky bat is wedged up his ass. And of course the graphics are old, schmaltzy—the only surprise is that they don't evoke the glory days of t...
This Is The Saddest Image To Come Out Of The Sad WNBA Draft
The 2011 WNBA draft, held at 3 p.m. on a Monday, is now wrapping up. No shockers here: the Minnesota Lynx selected UConn's Maya Moore (projected during the draft to be the league MVP) with the first pick, 6'8" Australian Elizabeth Cambage was second overall and will play for Tulsa, and Courtney Vand...
This Texas Rangers Broadcast Clip Will Someday Be Evidence In Divorce Proceedings
Fun stuff from tonight's Rangers-Mariners telecast—good, old-fashioned Texan chivalry....
What's Really Special About This Picture Is That Chipper Jones May Have Signed A 7-Inch Sperm Replica
The first weekend of baseball season wouldn't be complete without an "Atlanta Braves Chipper Jones Sperm Autograph" available to the highest bidder. As of 11 a.m., there were zero takers on the starting bid of $1. Fine, it's not authenticated, but this is still shocking when you consider that there...
Let's Start The Day With A Story About Kindness
Your morning roundup for March 27, the day people continue to concern themselves with Dennis W. Peterson losing his front teeth at a Hooters....
Jimmer Left The Court With A Bandage On His Chin, But Kyle Singler Probably Saw His Mom Crying
Your morning roundup for March 25, the day rockhopper penguins fight for their oil-slicked lives....
Many Special People Excitedly Posed For Pictures With Jim Tressel Last Week
Sure, Jim Tressel won't be coaching Ohio State University's first couple of football games in the fall, what with breaking the rules and all. That lil mess didn't stop droves of fans from turning out for an Ohio State Alumni luncheon for the chance to stand in front of the same camera as the coach ...
These People At The Bruce Pearl Rally Are Now Unwitting Internet Heroes
Oh dear. Rocky Top Talk took one of the first photos of these Pearl supporters who showed up with their mullets and that sign to his rally, which is just the perfect sendoff to a coach whose legacy will be forever tarnished. Like a dimond. (H/T Twitterverse)...
Alex Trebek Calling College Football Highlights Is Strangely Calming
Solid Verbal presents the highlights of an Oregon-Stanford game, called by Jeopardy's Alex Trebek. The man stays remarkably calm throughout the close game; with Stanford down 45-31 and just over two minutes to play, he somberly tells his viewers, "in crisis mode, it's all going to come down to thi...