whimsy Page 85 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Alabama Fax Machine Replaces Memphis Door As Inanimate Symbol Of Existential Dread
On this National Signing Day, Alabama is offering a live video feed of a fax machine. The machine periodically spits out a piece of paper. A name goes up on a board. Nothing to be done. [CBSSports.com, via Bourbon Boys]...
John Starks Wants To Help You Transition Out Of Your Pants
Starks on his new zippered-pants company: "Not just basketball, but tennis, soccer, track and field, whatever you have to do to be able to transition in and out of your pants, we want to be leaders in that space." [TrueHoop]...
Boston Fans Perfect The Art Of Self Parody
This custom Beruit table perfectly crystallizes the essence of why the stereotypical Boston sports fan is so universally loathed. Naturally, the stereotypical Boston sports fan who created it could not be prouder. [BarstoolSports]...
Dear God, Make Me A Bi-Plane, So I Can Fly Farve, Far Far Away From Here
These "Airplanes (Bi-Plane) Handcrafted of Bud Light Limited Edition Viking Cans" will fly you to just within miles of your destination before getting intercepted in mid-air. Cash Only! [Craigslist, via]...
Chirpy Korean Girl Group Likes Glitter, Knee-Highs, Iowa Hawkeyes Football
Via the good lads at Black Heart Gold Pants comes this music video for which I have no words, other than to say that it is no more inexplicable than the last time women in Korea fawned over a Hawkeye....
Greg Oden's Knee Is Healing Nicely
I just realized that the headline implies he used his knee to have sex with a woman, but I assure you that's not what I meant. [The Big Lead]...
It Appears Everyone Can Now Make Half-Court Shots At Olathe Northwest's Gym
Okay — this is officially insane. FOX4 went back to do a follow-up story about Joel Branstrom's blind-folded half-court shot. Reporter Rob Low, just shooting a teaser for the spot, tried one of his own (backwards)...and also made it....
When Prank Wars Go Wrong (Update)
Most of you remember College Humor's hilarious half-court shot prank at a Maryland game a couple years ago. FOX4KC reports one area high school attempted a recreation, but was ill-prepared for the one-in-a-million chance the prankee would actually make it....
Pants On The Ground Has Gone Way Too Far
American Idol freakshow "General" Larry Platt and his magnum opus "Pants On The Ground" have become an integral part of the Vikings playoff run. So much so that Platt showed up at the team meeting today, and performed. Video below....
This Is A Thing That Happened: Digger Phelps Dancing With A Clemson Cheerleader, And Not Badly
H/T reader Joseph A. [YouTube]...
Did The Jets' Official Store Just Jinx Itself Out Of Business?
Jets fans will surely sleep soundly knowing that their Super Bowl gear is bought and paid for before the AFC Championship game even begins. (They even changed their URL to include "champions.") Nothing can possiblie go wrong now! [JetsShop]...
Scared Children Still Being Trampled By Angry Sheep, TV News Reports
Mutton bustin' is huge, according to some weird Fox News story that features terrifying video from Denver's National Western Stock Show. For example? "In a year-end post, sports blog Deadspin highlighted the year in mutton." We're tastemakers now! [MyFox]...
We Don't Play Australian Open Tennis In Your Toilet, So Please Don't Pee On Our Court
An Australian Open match was delayed by 40 minutes today when a (nervous? sick?) ballboy peed himself on the court. At least he has a long fruitful life of intense psychological therapy ahead of him. [The Age/Fanhouse]...
Alaskan Hockey Space Bear Is Back To Tear You A Brand New One
Who knows what terrible sin humanity committed against the Alaska Nanook, but that bear is irate. Okay, maybe we shouldn't have frozen him in the Arctic, but is that any excuse to destroy Planet Earth with a kick-ass '80s soundtrack?...
Watch Junior Seau Castrate A Horse With His Hand
Seau prepares for retired life by squishing horse balls on his "Sports Job" television show. It's as gross as you'd expect. I guess it's technically safe for work because, for some reason, they blurred out the poor horse's testicles. [Versus]...
Tebow The Cat Survives Miraculous Journey, Won't Shut Up About It
A Hawkeye fan on the way back from the Orange Bowl finds a stray cat stowed away underneath his pickup truck. "We named her Tebow, because she's a crier." [Cedar Rapids Gazette]...
You're An Enormous Nerd, Charlie Brown
Some brilliant soul has calculated Charlie Brown's pitching statistics based on comic strips from the 1950s (record: 1-25) and 1960s (7-85). Stats from the 1970s are not included due to Charlie Brown's heavy use of amphetamines. [Wezen-Ball.com, via GQ]...
When LT Meets Tim And Eric
Welp...guess those drugs you didn't know you took haven't worn off yet....
Pakistani Sex Scandals Are Somewhat Tamer
A Pakistani national field hockey superstar was fined 100,000 rupees (about $1200) after being photographed hugging a tournament official. That sounds excessive and draconian, but we all know hugging is a gateway drug to holding hands. [Dawn]...