whimsy Page 84 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Phelps Makes America Safe For Weed
Congratulations, dope heads! Your groovy hero has bonged his way into America's heart and now you're free to toke up wherever and whenever you see fit. Enjoy your reefer, hippies, and be sure to thank Michael Phelps when you do....
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...
The Plump, Svelte, Spirituelle And Statuesque Girls In Their Summer Dresses
Even in 1909, women-watching was the true appeal of a Princeton-Yale baseball game — especially for the venerable newspapermen who chronicled the "rattling good" game. [The Sexist]...
Don't Like Your Starting Pitcher? Sell Him On eBay
His value is estimated at $100,000, so for $.01 on a joke eBay auction, Suppan is a steal. Disclaimer: "No Harms was made to Brewers, Fans, Suppan, Hall and any other animal while making and publishing this add." [HRDerby]...
Young Hardcore Guitarist Will Never Be A Clone Of Jim Rome
The band: Iron Age. The problem? Jim Rome. Spout-off, Wade Allison: "Jesus Christ is Jim Rome a fucking loser or what? I mean, everyone must know he's an extreme douchebag at this point." [Noise Creep via SMNNEWS]...
Flip Flop Fly Ball: A Site For Four Eyes
If you haven't seen it, Craig Robinson's Flip Flop Fly Ball is a collection of whizbang infographics that look like what you'd get if you mated Edward Tufte with Bill James. It's hardcore gonzo porn for baseball nerds. Some examples....
Hit Strip Club, Win Lap Dance
It's a good thing the Seattle Post-Intelligencer didn't completely shutter its operations when it stopped the presses, or else there would be only one story about the construction of a strip club by Safeco Field. And who said newspapers weren't egalitarian?...
Which Athlete Reminds You Of Mitt Romney? The Kandi Man, Of Course
"I feel like Romney's having the same problems as [Michael Olowokandi]. On paper, he looks great, but there's just something about him that doesn't seem to add up in the minds of voters." Like every other failed prospect. [TNR]...
Sad About Michael Jackson's Death? Tack An Andre Rison Jersey To His Childhood Home
Yesterday, professional athletes and their Twitter universes reacted to Michael Jackson's death (some more than others), but this makeshift tribute at his childhood home in Gary, Indiana gives the tenuous sports-King Of Pop connection an absurd little twist....
Drunk Golfer Tries To Drive Home In Rented Golf Cart
A golf cart may seem safer than a regular car—especially when you've just downed 10 beers over 18 holes—but that does not mean you should try to drunk drive one home after a day on the links....
This Is Outstanding
It's an autotuned version of memorable press conferences. AI's "practice" soliloquy dominates but you'll also find some Kanye'd versions of Dennis Green's "They are who we thought they were!" and Mike Gundy's "I'm a man!" looped in. [KSK]...
Dodger Lies Make Baby Jesus (And Bloggers) Cry
After all the effort I expended learning about the Inland Empire 66ers, Manny Ramirez will actually be playing his first minor league pre-post-suspension game for the Albuquerque Isotopes, forcing me to work even harder to dig up obscure Simpsons references....
Ice Cream Does Not Belong On Your Face, Kid
Seriously, why is this kid at the Italy-Brazil game rubbing his ice cream bar on his face? Not to sound like a busybody, but where are his parents? I think the state may need to get involved here. [YouTube]...
The Trials of Willie, The Inflatable Dry-Humping Shark
Willie, the mighty Tiburón, is the air-assisted mascot of a popular junior soccer team in Colombia. Unfortunately, Willie's enthusiasm occasionally gets the better of him and he recently got suspended for disrespecting an opposing team. With his crotch....
All Kobe Bryant and LeBron James Got Were These Lousy T-Shirts
TMZ on LeBron's "egotistical" shirt: "For the record—you won't see Kobe Bryant wearing a shirt with his individual accomplishments plastered on the front of it during his championship parade today." Wanna see what Kobe wore to the parade?...
$1.5 Billion Doesn't Go As Far As You Think
Martellus Bennett takes you on an informative and possibly racist (just against the Chinese, though) tour of the new Cowboys stadium. Hope you like $14 BBQ sandwiches, Dallas fans! Someone has to pay for those video screens. [MartyBTV]...
Cocaine, Bunny Rape And Lyndon LaRouche: A Children's Treasury Of Tall Tales From Pro Wrestling
Here's your reading material for tonight: "The Urban Legends of Professional Wrestling!" — all 460 of them. If you thought pro wrestling was a wholesome endeavor whose practitioners did not enjoy stuffing the Medellín Cartel up their nostrils, think again....
Steve Nash Auditions For His Next Job
No one knows how many miles Steve Nash has left on his little Canadian legs, but if he's looking to break into the late-night TV comedy game, his first test for his second career went fairly well....
Deadspin I-Team: What Exactly Is Johnny Damon Trying To Communicate Here?
This is how Johnny Damon chose to celebrate teammate Nick Swisher's home run on Monday against the Rays. We've seen this before, of course. Still, the mystery remains: What ever could this gesture mean? The I-Team is on the case....