whimsy Page 87 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Getting The Kinks Out Of Marriage
So there's this plucky startup headed by NFL wives to "strengthen the relationships between pro athletes and their significant others." The debut party's favors include "adult toys" for the men; strip poles for the women may be forthcoming. Seriously. [CNBC]...
Bizarre Recruiting Hoax Fools None, Confuses All
A sad young man is accused of recruiting high school football players for East Carolina—a school he has no affiliation with and that has never heard of him. What could have been the point of this not-so-master plan?...
Happy Yulemas From The Pasty Basketball Elves
The Basketball Jones would like wish you a Merry Christmas (none of that Happy Holidays nonsense!) via everyone's favorite musical medium—NBA-themed caroling. Nothing says "jolly" like a Dirk Nowitzki dirge....
Fox Robot Makes Perfect Stocking Stuffer For People You Hate
Someone is actually selling 10" action figures of Cleatus, the audience-enraging Fox football robot. Unless it's a voodoo doll I can stuff with dynamite to put us all out of our misery, I'm not interested. [Foamheads]...
Desperate Fan Just Wants To Win Something So He's Asking For Your Help
From an emailer: "There's a $50 gift certificate prize on a blog I frequent for identifying this guy and I want to win...only I have no idea who this dude is. I'm counting on you deadspin...don't let me down." Go....
Arm Wrestling — To The Max!!!
As the runaway success of Chess boxing proved, any sport can be improved by adding ass-kicking to the mix. Imagine arm wrestling, where the rest of your body is free to wail on your opponent. America's got a new pastime....
Some Things Are More Important Than Football, But Not In Alabama
Yesterday, we told you about the Alabama lawyers (pictured?) who asked a judge to postpone their case so they can attend the BCS Championship Game. Well, the judge—an Auburn fan!—granted their request. It's a travesty of good sportsmanship....
Metrodome Bathroom Swallows Another Victim
The Metrodome will not let the Twins escape easily, even if it has to trap former Rookies of the Year inside its porcelain bowels for all eternity....
The Toughest Fantasy Football Defeat Of All
Fidelity Investments recently fired four employees for organizing fantasy football leagues, because investment bankers have very strict rules about only gambling with other people's money. [Star-Telegram, via Yahoo; photo via]...
A Golf Porn Lawsuit That Has Nothing To Do With Who You Think
There are many ways of getting yourself banned from exclusive country clubs. Being poor or a minority are probably the most common, but letting them film a golf-themed porno there is probably the most exciting....
Last Night's Winner: This Guy?
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like this Mozambique soccer fan, who is thrilled....I guess? He's either elated or just got hit with a cattle prod. It could go either way....
Basketball, As Seen Through The Prism Of A Chipotle Burrito
UWM's James "Big Lumber" Eayrs: "[Rice] is the point guard to my burrito, holding everything together. Next, my main ingredient, double chicken. It fills my stomach like a center should fill the lane. Next in line, my salsas..." [HZN, via]...
What Weirdos Are Coming To Deadspin
Every once in a while I'll pop into Google Analytics to see what brings people to the site. Some are easily explained ("Tiger Woods Accident"); others, not so much ("andrei kirilenko masha woman (sleep or bed or sex)"). Observe....
Boston's "Santa Speedo Run" Brings Out All Sorts Of People
And not just ones who like to celebrate Christmas by showing off how a corporate membership at the Boston Sports Club has sculpted their bodies. No, it also brings out the lurking perverts. (Not Jay Mariotti.) [Boston.com]...
Deep Inside The Comcast/TV Guide Sports Listing Conspiracy
I've been hard on Comcast, because well....they're an evil cable company and they deserve it. But we're received a flood of emails proving that the wacky game descriptions we've been spotting are not their fault. It's like a peeling onion....
Comcast Writers Not Even Trying Anymore
Comcast's television guide writers have taken a new approach to crafting their NBA game descriptions. Simply throw at a dart at the team rosters and whatever name you hit becomes the star of the game....
Guns, Booze, and Saints Fans: A Drama In One Act
Even if this turns out to be a viral video for Smith and Wesson, you kind of know this really happened somewhere in Louisiana, right? [YouTube, thanks Ed!]...
"Famous" Would Have Been Pushing It
Unlikely headline of the day: "Well-Known Badminton Player Dies." [North-West Evening Mail]...
Comcast Continues To Find Hidden Subtext Of NBA Games
A reader sends us more evidence of a Comcast cable guide curator who is maybe missing the point of a particular NBA game. Unless Rasheed Wallace and Antonio McDyess have a secret love child that I haven't heard about....
Fame And Fortune On The Razor's Edge
Was it fate that brought down the dullest man in sports? Or was it something...sharper? We take a look at the history of Gillette pitchmen, and the woes that befell them soon after. Presenting, the Gillette Curse....