whimsy Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Javier Baez And Nolan Arenado Share Warm Hug During Live Baseball Play
The Cubs and Rockies refuse to settle this goddamn National League Wild Card game, which is now in the 13th inning. The Cubs had a good chance to end it in the bottom of the 11th, after Javy Baez advanced to second on a sacrifice bunt and the Rock men elected to intentionally walk Daniel Murphy with...
Ron Baker Sucked A Contact Lens And Then Put It Right In His Damn Eye<em></em>
Ron Baker played 17 mostly second-half minutes in Monday night’s Knicks preseason game, which went to overtime. It was in overtime, with just under a minute left, when Baker was whacked in the face by Wizards rookie Troy Brown and had his contact lens dislodged. Lacking a few drops of nice clean sal...
I Too Am All Fucked Up By These Dang Card Tricks
The Sacramento Kings invited magician Anna DeGuzman to media day this week to destroy the minds of various unsuspecting players. Friends, the tricks are good....
Tulane's Large Angry Wave Has Gotten Larger And Angrier
The Tulane football program understands one thing about college sports very well: If you aren’t actually good, you can still get plenty of attention by having weird or funny uniforms. In 2016, the football program introduced the Angry Wave. I am pleased to report that the Angry Wave has grown both i...
Fastest Shed Crushes Fastest Shed's Speed Record
Imagine you are in a small building. The building has wheels. The building can move—vroom, vroom. The building has an engine that has recently exploded and resulted in months of mechanical issues afterward. Now imagine that you are in this building and you are making it do what Kevin Nicks did on S...
Soccer Man's Goal Celebration Takes Surprise Detour Into The Twilight Zone
Meet Benjamin Kololli, a 26-year-old soccer player currently plying his trade in Switzerland. Kololli was in Cyprus yesterday, with his squad FC Zürich playing a big match against AEK Larnaca. Kololli is an important player, so he would not have been shocked to have been placed smack dab in the midd...
Browns Fan Saves Possum From Having To Watch The Rest Of Thursday Night Football<em></em>
A poor, foolish possum somehow made its way into the stands at Thursday night’s Jets-Browns game, in Cleveland. Maybe he’s a big Baker Mayfield fan! It’s unlikely the little fellow had a valid ticket—as such, he was captured and put into a box by a jersey-clad gentleman who seems really admirably co...
Mike Zimmer On Why He Cut Kicker Daniel Carlson: "Did You See The Game?"
Being a kicker in the NFL sucks not only because everyone gets mad at you when you fuck up, but also because nobody ever respected you all that much in the first place. How else to explain Vikings head coach Mike Zimmer answering a question about why he cut kicker Daniel Carlson—who missed three fie...
Anthony Rizzo Dealt With The Cubs' Insane Travel Schedule By Never Taking Off His Uniform
The Chicago Cubs caught a bad break in terms of travel this week. After Wednesday’s home loss to the Milwaukee Brewers, they had to jump on a plane and fly to Washington, D.C. to play a make-up game against the Nationals that had been rained out last weekend. That game ended at almost 8:00 p.m. loca...
Bills Pack Nathan Peterman's Career Highlights Into 37-Second Hype Video
It’s a question that has plagued all of us for quite some time now: If you put every positive football play Bills starting quarterback Nathan Peterman has ever made into a single video, would the video even be a minute long? We have the answer now....
The Good-For-Nothing Nationals Came Within One Lousy Run Of The Rare All-69 Trifecta
The Nationals beat the Cardinals by one run in extras on Labor Day. Who gives a shit, right? The Nationals are junk. The loss could matter to the Cardinals in their pursuit of an NL Wild Card, but that is not why we are here. We are here for this:...
Now Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Is Calling Out The NFL Over Colin Kaepernick
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the former president of Iran and a man of many sports takes, has now come to the defense of Colin Kaepernick, the out-of-work quarterback....
Was This Raccoon Witch Cursing The Baltimore Orioles? An Investigation
The Baltimore Orioles came into Wednesday night a horrendous 52.5 games out of first place in the AL East, and an equally shocking and horrifying 40.5 games back of the AL Wild Card. All of that sucking and losing happened before 8:33 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, when it was announced that this devi...
The Steelers' Privacy Tarp Would Be No Match For My Espionage Abilities
Last week came reports of the Pittsburgh Steelers erecting a tarp wall at the end of their practice field, apparently for the purpose of keeping prying eyes away from their football activities. When asked about the tarp, head coach Mike Tomlin mentioned “drones and so forth,” and the need for his pl...
Chelsea Manager Maurizio Sarri Has A Weird Solution For His In-Game Cigarette Urges
Chelsea manager Maurizio Sarri really, really likes to smoke. So much so that he used to light up on the sideline and in the tunnel when he managed Napoli:...
Icy Dead People
Flyers goalie Alex Lyon will apparently wear a mask commemorating goofy M. Night Shyamalan horror flick The Sixth Sense this upcoming season....
Stephen A. Smith(?) Delivers Motivational Speech(??) To Syracuse Football Team(???)
How and why ESPN shout-master Stephen A. Smith ended up sermonizing to the Syracuse football team doesn’t really matter. Whether he was invited to meet the team or just happened to stumble into a room with a bunch of football players in it, something like this was always going to be the result:...
Man Bites It
So this happened tonight, on FOX Sports South. Watch it endlessly, for it will never stop being hilarious....
It Appears That My Mom Attended Magic Johnson's Birthday Party
I had no idea my mom was friends or even acquaintances with Magic Johnson, but I have just learned that she was at the NBA legend’s recent birthday party. Take a look:...
Swaggering Youth Devastated By Crafty Old Baller
A strapping young lad—fearing, as many young basketball lads foolishly do, to body up a savvy old baller going butt first into the paint—was savagely ruined by his wizened opponent, on the craftiest of sleight-of-hand pump fakes:...