whimsy Page 10 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Noggin Bonked By Errant First Pitch
An unfortunate fellow was bonked in the head by an errant first pitch before Sunday’s Braves-Cardinals game. This is especially delightful because first of all he works for the dreaded St. Louis Cardinals and therefore deserves this abuse, but also this same lad was famously scratched up by the vile...
Joel Embiid Almost Made T.J. McConnell Cry By Beating His Ass At Video Games
Shit-talking aficionado Joel Embiid apparently does so in every facet of his life. During an appearance on Hot Ones released today, Embiid talked about how he induced teammate T.J. McConnell into a hissy fit that nearly ended in tears while the two were playing video games:...
Diego Maradona Explains His Wild World Cup Behavior: "My Neck Hurt A Lot"
Argentina soccer legend and stubby crazy person Diego Maradona was acting pretty nuts during yesterday’s World Cup game between Argentina and Nigeria. His rolling eyes and sloppy teetering, combined with the fact that he had to be carried away from his seat and visited by doctors after the game, mad...
Let's All Laugh At Dellin Betances Trying To Hit Major League Pitching<em></em>
The Yankees are already a 50-win ballclub, and nobody on that team gets strikeouts at a higher rate than relief pitcher Dellin Betances. That’s why I don’t feel too bad laughing along with his teammates as Betances learns what it’s like to be on the other side of Major League pitching. In the eighth...
Kangaroo On The Field Is Great At Running, Atrocious At Kicking The Ball
This here kangaroo showed up to an Australian women’s Premier League match over the weekend and put together an impressive minute or so of tape. Our pal apparently wandered around the field for about 20 minutes, dozed off, hopped a few fences, and flashed some impressive top-level speed. However, hi...
Heroic Bullpen Catcher Rescues Helpless Bats From Ballpark Flood
It rained just a bit in Pittsburgh this evening, forcing the postponement of tonight’s Brewers-Pirates game. But before Milwaukee bullpen catcher Marcus Hanel returned to the safety of his hotel room, he made the courageous, selfless decision to rescue some powerless equipment from the terrifying fl...
Cocky Millennial Busted By Bartolo Colon's Pick-Off Move<em></em>
The Royals’ Whit Merrifield has 15 stolen bases on the year, and Rangers pitcher Bartolo Colon had yet to pick off a baserunner this season heading into tonight. In this case, one would think that the 29-year-old on first base would have the clear advantage over the 45-year-old on the mound. But tha...
Idiot On The Field Has Zero Moves, Gets Speared To Hell
An idiot invaded the field today at the College World Series, during a rain delay in the Arkansas-Texas game. This goofy, happy-to-be-here fellow perhaps didn’t appreciate the seriousness of his act, nor the potential severity of the stadium crew’s response, and for that he paid dearly:...
Pair Of Port-A-Potties Departs This Earthly Plane
And now, the latest news from the Denver metro area: a portable toilet went to go meet the Sky Gods. It paid tribute to its former home on Earth by spraying a fine mist of odious liquid into the windy summer air....
Gigantic Basketball Tween Takes On Tiny Opponents And 8-Foot Rims, Leaves No Survivors
Here we have a highlight reel brimming with the exploits of Olivier Rioux, a 12-year-old basketball player who is said to stand at 6 feet and 9 inches. Since most 12-year-olds are not 6-foot-9, you can probably guess how this is going to go for Rioux’s poor opponents:...
Bitchin' Politician Just Blasts Himself Right In The Eyeballs With Pepper Spray!
Levi Tillemann is a Democrat running for Congress in Colorado’s sixth congressional district, and he wants you to know he is a leader who will work to “break through the partisan gridlock” and honestly I missed most of the rest of it because holy shit the guy just unloads a fucking quart of pepper s...
Dead Letters: Special Insane Voicemail Edition
If you’re a regular reader of this site, you are no doubt aware that people often use our email tips line to send us their deranged and rambling thoughts about how terrible we are. But only our most dedicated haters, the ones who really have the goods on us, are willing to share their thoughts in ou...
Darren Rovell On Fake Headline He Wrote 12 Hours Earlier: "It’s Just Really Bad"
Darren Rovell, an AI who aims to drive Earth’s entire population insane through the banality of its observations, launched yet another attack on our psyches last night:...
Cavs-Warriors Game 1, Simulated In <i>NBA Live 96</i>
Yes, yes, we updated the rosters and are simulating tonight’s NBA Finals Game 1 between the Cavaliers and Warriors, LIVE:...
The People Fell Down The Hill Chasing The Cheese Again
The English county of Gloucestershire held its annual cheese rolling race Monday, and a bunch of people, whose bones were hopefully fortified by consuming the daily recommended amount of calcium, tumbled down a steep hill as they tried to chase that Gloucester cheese wheel we all know and love....
Runners Advance On Umpire's Armpit Catch
Weird stuff happens in baseball. Maybe it’s that there are so many games, and so many repetitions of the same process, that the timeline for seeing every possible outcome is condensed by sheer volume. At any rate, you have probably never seen this one before:...
Get A Load Of This Sausage Child Wiping Out
They let the young sausages participate in the sausage race in Milwaukee today. Always a dicey proposition. Check out this little fellow, who eats it right at the very start of the race:...
The New Red Sox Dugout Band Ain't Half Bad
The Boston Red Sox have a nice storied history of bench players exploring their musical gifts while not taking part in the action on the field, specifically in the cases of a couple different “bullpen bands” that played instruments like “the water bottles” and “the spoons.” Before their game tonight...
The Very Short Saga Of The Vladimir Guerrero Jr. Airport Picture
All right-thinking people on this planet and any others want to see Vladimir Guerrero Jr., who does very rude things to baseballs in very loud ways, called up to the majors as soon as possible. So you can imagine the excitement that was generated when Young Vlad posted this photo on Instagram:...