whimsy Page 97 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Drunk Golfer Tries To Drive Home In Rented Golf Cart
A golf cart may seem safer than a regular car—especially when you've just downed 10 beers over 18 holes—but that does not mean you should try to drunk drive one home after a day on the links....
This Is Outstanding
It's an autotuned version of memorable press conferences. AI's "practice" soliloquy dominates but you'll also find some Kanye'd versions of Dennis Green's "They are who we thought they were!" and Mike Gundy's "I'm a man!" looped in. [KSK]...
Dodger Lies Make Baby Jesus (And Bloggers) Cry
After all the effort I expended learning about the Inland Empire 66ers, Manny Ramirez will actually be playing his first minor league pre-post-suspension game for the Albuquerque Isotopes, forcing me to work even harder to dig up obscure Simpsons references....
Ice Cream Does Not Belong On Your Face, Kid
Seriously, why is this kid at the Italy-Brazil game rubbing his ice cream bar on his face? Not to sound like a busybody, but where are his parents? I think the state may need to get involved here. [YouTube]...
The Trials of Willie, The Inflatable Dry-Humping Shark
Willie, the mighty Tiburón, is the air-assisted mascot of a popular junior soccer team in Colombia. Unfortunately, Willie's enthusiasm occasionally gets the better of him and he recently got suspended for disrespecting an opposing team. With his crotch....
All Kobe Bryant and LeBron James Got Were These Lousy T-Shirts
TMZ on LeBron's "egotistical" shirt: "For the record—you won't see Kobe Bryant wearing a shirt with his individual accomplishments plastered on the front of it during his championship parade today." Wanna see what Kobe wore to the parade?...
$1.5 Billion Doesn't Go As Far As You Think
Martellus Bennett takes you on an informative and possibly racist (just against the Chinese, though) tour of the new Cowboys stadium. Hope you like $14 BBQ sandwiches, Dallas fans! Someone has to pay for those video screens. [MartyBTV]...
Cocaine, Bunny Rape And Lyndon LaRouche: A Children's Treasury Of Tall Tales From Pro Wrestling
Here's your reading material for tonight: "The Urban Legends of Professional Wrestling!" — all 460 of them. If you thought pro wrestling was a wholesome endeavor whose practitioners did not enjoy stuffing the Medellín Cartel up their nostrils, think again....
Steve Nash Auditions For His Next Job
No one knows how many miles Steve Nash has left on his little Canadian legs, but if he's looking to break into the late-night TV comedy game, his first test for his second career went fairly well....
Deadspin I-Team: What Exactly Is Johnny Damon Trying To Communicate Here?
This is how Johnny Damon chose to celebrate teammate Nick Swisher's home run on Monday against the Rays. We've seen this before, of course. Still, the mystery remains: What ever could this gesture mean? The I-Team is on the case....
Usain Bolt Shows Off His Most Treasured Keepsake From Beijing
The world's fastest man arrived in Canada wearing a T-shirt with ancient Chinese letters spelling out a thoroughly modern message. I don't think they draped that around his neck on the Olympic podium. [Fotoglif via Splash News]...
UCLA QB Announces Transfer Via Bizarre Press Release
Fact: A redshirt sophomore named Chris Forcier is leaving UCLA to play ball at Furman. Fact: His family decided to announce the move with one of the more batshit loony press releases you'll ever read....
Free Fenway Tickets To The Person Who Loves America The Most
Do you want presumably good seats to a Red Sox game at Fenway? All you have to do is convince the son of a failed presidential candidate that you hate socialism—and maybe make a small donation!...
No Wonder These Nicknames Weren't Used
The Toronto Tarantulas, Vancouver Mounties, Baltimore Marauders, New York Borros, Washington Sea Dogs, San Antonio Gunslingers, Florida Flamingoes, Orlando Juice, Charlotte Spirit, Minnesota Blue Ox — it's a shame these throwbacks don't exist. [WSJ]...
Fencing: "The Reason Guns Were Invented"
"Did you ever watch the Olympics and wonder what it would be like to put on that dashing, all-white fencer's uniform... and actually know what to do when the referee says, 'En garde'? No, neither did I." [Slate]...
All's Well That Ends Well With @TonyLaRussa (Update)
An unspecified Twitter loss is Tony La Russa's Animal Rescue Foundation's gain, which means that Twitter parodies are not only funny, but also save the world. Or at least the cuter part of it....
Didn't Jackie Robinson Play Baseball?
"Topps announced on Wednesday that it would add sports pioneer Jackie Robinson to its forthcoming Magic football set... with stylings remniscent of its 1951 set of the same name." Who knew Magic wasn't that creepy witchcraft game? [Beckett Blog]...