whimsy Page 98 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Psst, Kid. How Would You Like To Skip Those Burpees?
The plot for the next Harry Potter movie has been leaked, and we've got it: All hell breaks loose at Hogwarts when new instructor Tamara Tootle is caught taking bribes from students to skip PE. No, wait ... that's real, actually....
8 Reps With The Right Nut, 8 Reps With The Left
Apropos of nothing, "apropos of nothing" has always been my favorite Deadspin line. Thus, apropos of nothing, I present to you this video of a man ramming an elastic cord attached to a kettlebell into his groin. You're welcome!...
Are We Going To Stand For This? Hell 2 Da Naw!
The top catch phrases of 2006 were announced by Reuters today, and we must say we're a little confused. At No. 1 was "Stay the Course," and "If I Did It" came in at No. 2. We are unimpressed. But what followed next was truly baffling....
For A Minute There We Thought This Was Going To Look Ridiculous
Ben Foster, an inventor with a simple motto: Dignity, Always Dignity....
Keep Her Away From The Stanford Tree!
This virtual lady here is "Crimson Hawk," a comic book/graphic novel heroine who is "the world's sexiest, most powerful, and most frequently defeated, humiliated and ravished superheroine." (Link NSFW.) She's the only known existence of the "Crimson Hawk" name occurring in the popular lexicon, save ...
Your Shirt Will Keep Score For You
So here's a novel concept: Currently some "researchers" at Australia's University of Sydney are working on a basketball jersey that will compile your stats for you while you're on the floor....
Sometimes, We Just Learn A Bit Too Much
We know, we're soulless ironists, not connected to the problems of the everyday world, except to mock them. We accept your scorn, and we probably deserve it....
The Perils Of Being An Athlete
It's hard out there for an athlete; they face all sorts of dangers that the rest of us mere mortals don't need to fret about it. This is probably why they're all packing heat....
Is It Too Late To Cast Tom Cruise?
We missed our copy of ESPN: The Magazine this week, so we didn't catch this terrifying, surreal tidbit, but the fine folks at Dirty Laundry did:...
Time's Running Out To Get Your Dork Costume
As Halloween approaches, and you think about your costumes and their potential offensiveness or lack thereof — tips: Buck O'Neill, OK; Cory Lidle, not so much — we'd like to direct you to this fellow, who two years ago dressed up as a hardcore Celtics defensive enthusiast, a persona now commandeered...
See, This Is How It Works ... HUGH!
Former "Major League" "player" Mark Littell has designed himself a new piece of baseball equipment, and hey, we're proud of ya, Mark....
Being A Fan Can Be Slightly Lucrative, But Not Really
So here's a novel concept, sent to us from the fine folks at WBRS Sports Blog: A new site has launched offering fans $5 to cheer for a certain NFL or NHL team. The site is called HireAFan.com and inspired by a guy who sold his loyalty to Sebria & Montenegro on eBay during the World Cup....
"What The Fungus??!!"
This, friends, is the lasting legacy of YouTube, and it's why they — and we — will probably end up in hell. Though that's probably not fair: We haven't properly market-tested the newscasting technique of focusing the camera on the top of one's head....
Bringing ESPN Tricks To The Amusement Park World
Former ESPN exec Mark Shapiro, the man responsible for Stephen A. Smith, Skip Bayless, "Teammates," so on — left the network on October 1 to join Redskins owner Daniel Snyder in the running of the Six Flags amusement park franchise, as CEO. The reviews on his performance so far have been been mixed ...
How To Get Fake Lost At Yankee Stadium
Of all the amusements at a baseball game, few things tickle our proverbial fancy more than The Guy Who Can't Find His Seat. He's always carrying a hot dog, or more beverages than he can handle, and he's got that clueless look of the guy who has never been to a game and is just waiting for someone to...
"Justify The Size Of Your Head, Sir"
We were particularly amused this afternoon by this clever piece on McSweeney's, otherwise known as "the Web site for those who don't actually have time to finish anything but can still call themselves a writer by getting a sestina about 'Survivor' published." (We kid McSweeney's; we love McSweeney's...
Things That PETA Is Better Off Not Knowing About, No. 112
If you're like us, you frequently ask yourselves, "where can I find top, reliable donkeys for my donkey sporting event?" Fortunately we found Donkey Sports, Inc., and our troubles are over. For the finest in Donkey Softball and Donkey Basketball events, we highly recommend this company....
Planning For That Sad Time When Barbaro Leaves Us
If there's one thing we know, it's that life is short. But thanks to our new friends at Heavenly Images.com, no loved one ever has to leave us entirely. For a small fee, Heavenly Images will keep them with you forever, in a custom painting, hanging out with Jesus in the clouds. We couldn't really th...
Sometimes, Newer Really Is Better
I guess if we can ask that Wiffle Ball be put on television, that we have to go along with the Vintage Base Ball Federation. Jim Bouton, former major league pitcher and author of Ball Four, is starting up a league that simulates the way baseball was played in the 1800s, from the uniforms to the equi...
Football, Women, Old Guys ... Instant Reality Show!
You know, if you get enough middle-aged white men in a room in Los Angeles, there's really no telling what they'll eventually come up with....