x Page 811 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here's A Briefcase-Wielding Zombie Invading The Set Of The U.K.'s Channel Four News
I don't care to fathom much explanation for this. It's weird, and sometimes weird things are best left up to their own interpretations. (But, seriously, anyone heard anything from the Brits lately?)...
Dubstep Nolan Ryan Wants To Look At That "Tremendous Wiener"
After public outcry and questioning regarding the Texas Rangers' plan to sell a $26 hot dog this season, team owner/president Nolan Ryan took to the Galloway & Company program on KESN-FM 103.3 in Dallas to profess his own curiosity about the behemoth frankfurter. He spoke about it in such a parti...
Cops: Bobby Jenks Said He Smashed Into A Car In A Strip Club Parking Lot And Had To Get Out Of There
We told you this morning about Bobby Jenks's DUI arrest much earlier this morning. Now there are more details from Jenks's arrest report, and they do not reflect positively on the Red Sox reliever....
Great Moments In Bedroom Pratfalls
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Bobby Jenks And Matt Bush Were Both Charged With DUIs In Florida In The Past 24 Hours
Bobby Jenks (right), who plays for the Red Sox and is not fat anymore, was arrested at 3:43 a.m. in Lee County, Fla., and was charged with DUI, property damage, and leaving the scene of an accident in which property was damaged. He was released at 8:45 this morning....
Alex Smith Used You For Your Beach, Miami
Smith re-signed with the 49ers after they lost out on Peyton Manning, and he couldn't be happier. "This was always the goal to me," Smith said on a conference call, "just to get back here." That's the sort of diplomatic thing you say when you sign anywhere, but was there really a need to kick sand i...
The Yankees Quit A Tie Game And Went Home, And Bobby Valentine Is Furious
It's only March, but new Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine is already in midseason antagonistic prick form. The latest controversy? A stupid spring training game, because the Yankees and the Red Sox can't even play a simple spring training game without being children....
The Texas Rangers Plan To Sell A $26 Hot Dog This Season
Part of the appeal of ballpark food is its in-your-face unhealthiness, as evidenced by the recent proliferation of all-you-can-eat sections. Well, the Texas Rangers now intend to bring gluttony at the ol' ballgame to a whole new level. Behold, the Champion Dog:...
How Not To Land A Helicopter
That's $20 million worth of AH-64 Apache crashing into the snows of Marzak, in southeastern Afghanistan. According to Stars and Stripes, the accident occurred last month, and no one was injured. The pilots, presumably showing off, could face criminal charges. [Jalopnik]...
Quarterback Musical Chairs Leaves The Dolphins Standing Alone In A Corner
The Miami Dolphins do not have a quarterback, and now there are no good quarterbacks left....
Hey, Jets! Here's A Photo Of Tim Tebow's Bare Foot
Now there's a quarterback that a coach can dream on!...
Folks In Chicago Preparing For The Worst Baseball Season Since The Carter Administration
March, when hope springs eternal, and fans of even the most down-and-out teams can convince themselves that somehow, someway, this might be the year. Until opening day, everyone's tied for first place. But not in Chicago, where a century of misery (never mind 2005; that's ancient history) has damped...
UMass Fans Celebrate NIT Road Win At Drexel With Middle Fingers, Surprise No One
Last night's NIT clash in Philadelphia between UMass and host Drexel turned out to be the proverbial barnburner, with the Minutemen pulling out a 72-70 victory over the Dragons. Fans who made the trip from Amherst had an especially unique way of celebrating UMass taking the lead late in the game....
This Is What Happens When A Ukrainian Girl's 18th Birthday Party Goes Wild
While the jingle-y soundtrack, in all its Benny Hill theme-esquedness, certainly adds a bit of flair to this here video shot a couple weeks ago in the mighty Ukraine (apparently), it's by no means necessary to carry the scene....
The Five Major Nonsexual Male Daydreams
I was at the airport last night and I lost big at Rental Car Roulette. I kept waiting for my rental car company's shuttle to show up as wave after wave of other, better companies had busses whizzing by every six seconds. I must have seen 37 Hertz buses while I stood out there like a GASH. You will p...
A-Rod Lets Girlfriend And Niece Charge $17,600 To His Credit Card, Then Demands Refund
This latest A-Rod Thing comes to us via the New York Post, which reports that A-Rod brought girlfriend Torrie Wilson and niece Michelle Silva to a Manhattan boutique last month, gave them free rein of his black AmEx card, and "joked around with the saleswomen while the girls shopped," according to a...
What Happens When A 35-Year-Old Man Retakes The SAT?
I took the SAT a grand total of one time when I was in dipshit prep school. This was 1993. Like any other kid, I wanted to do well on the test, primarily so that I would NEVER have to take it again, but also because kids at my school were real dicks about their SAT scores. You'd hear through the gra...
C.J. Wilson Tweets Mike Napoli's Phone Number. It's Less "Good Prank, Guy" And More "Wow, Dick Move."
Oh good, I see we've reached that point of spring training where everyone's bored and ready for real baseball to start. Tis the silly season, when online personality and sometime pitcher C.J. Wilson takes to Twitter and posts former teammate Mike Napoli's cell phone number to the world....
The Dolphins Have Spent An Offseason Humiliating Themselves
Believe me when I tell you that I say this with zero malice: the Dolphins are a pathetic franchise at the moment. It's not so much that two weeks ago they were certain they were going to have Peyton Manning throwing to Brandon Marshall and Reggie Wayne, and now they may have to content themselves wi...
When Irish Eyes Are Swollen: How Sergio Martinez Beat Matthew Macklin On St. Patrick's Day
Reputations are hard to earn. And they're hard to keep. They come with benefits. But they can also hang on a fighter like a chain, an extra burden in a sport that's hard enough as it is. Reputations can't be carried throughout a fight. They must be shed like a robe and donned again when the fight is...