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Counterpoint: Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus
Gosh, somebody is taking a supposedly beloved holiday ritual and saying it's really awful and depressing. Who ever had that idea before? Oh, right: Charlies Schulz....
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
Every year you watch A Charlie Brown Christmas, and every year you come away depressed. You're a real asshole, Charlie Brown. Originally published Dec. 9, 2010. Read Tom Scocca's counterpoint: "Charlie Brown Is Bigger Than Jesus."...
The Boston Red Sox Who Stole Christmas
Aww, that's cute! Cute and a violation of copyright, per Character Arts, the company that represents licensing concerns for the Rudolph character (officially owned by the cleverly-named Rudolph, LLC). You can get the full story over at Boston Sports Then And Now, but the gist is that the Red Sox pro...
Christmas Hype Will Drive Your Children To Insanity
Christmas is four days away. I know this because my kids have been counting down the days since, I dunno, LAST goddamn Christmas. Children have boring lives. They have to go to school all day. They have to listen to adults tell them what to do. They can't watch porn. It blows. Christmas is one of th...
Here's Video Of The Goal Line Stopping The Florida Panthers From Tying The Coyotes
In their game against the Phoenix Coyotes tonight, the Florida Panthers were called for a season-high seven penalties. Yet, there they Stephen Weiss was, with a penalty shot that could tie the game with 24.5 seconds left. He tried to go five-hole, as many do. And the puck got as far as the goal li...
This Is What You'll Look Like If You Refuse To Let Go Of A Police Officer's Groin
Add Frank Slowik's face to the list of tonight's remarkable shoplifting-involved mugshots. The Chicago Sun-Times says that Johnny Law "found about $1,000 worth of stolen seafood and meat" in Frankie's car, but it's the run-up to the meat discovery that's important. To wit:...
There's Something Truly Special About One Of These Shoplifters's Mugshots
Korin Vanhouten and Eldon Alexander — you decide which is which — totally got charged with stealing makeup, energy bars and batteries from a Utah supermarket the other day. What, no lotion basket?...
It Wouldn’t Be Christmas Time Without A Lady Hoodrat Brawl At The Mall, Now Would It?
This little slice of Americana comes to you from the King of Prussia Mall, right off the Pennsylvania Turnpike about 20 miles west of Philly. There's a "Rock Bottom Restaurant & Brewery" there. A fitting name....
Today In Sexual News From Sandusky, Ohio
"PERKINS TOWNSHIP, Ohio- A Sandusky woman was arrested on Sunday afternoon after she allegedly beat her husband because he refused her sex. ... According to the report, after a day of shopping and a stop at a local bar, Vera and Harold Baaske returned home. Harold told officers that Vera wanted to ...
The Rangers Tossed Yu Darvish The Most Money, Dmitri Young Is Still Skinny, And More Hot Stove News
Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!...
Lawsuit Will Claim Monta Ellis Sent A "Pretty Disgusting" Cellphone Pic To Warriors Employee
Per the Contra Costa Times:...
Machines Don't Fall Down Dead: How Rock'em Sock'em Robots Came To Be
Before Mortal Kombat arrived to satisfy my prepubescent need for button mashing, there was Rock'em Sock'em Robots, the first game I ever played where the objective was decapitation. Here's how it worked: You controlled one of two punching plastic androids—the Red Rocker or the Blue Bomber—by pushing...
White People Should Never Do Hip-Hop Karaoke
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Buy Drew's new book, The Postmortal, through here. Email the Funbag here. Today, we're covering bargains, pooping in thongs, hip hop karaoke, and more....
Ron Rivera Says The Panthers' Trick Play Yesterday Was Inspired By The Movie <i>Little Giants</i>
Carolina head coach Ron Rivera told reporters this afternoon that the Panthers' trick play against Houston yesterday was inspired by "The Annexation of Puerto Rico," the Fumblerooski play used at the end of the 1994 classic film Little Giants. Here's the play in question, which in the movie is cal...
In Philly, It Was The Agony Of The Feet For The Jets And Rex Ryan
Your morning roundup for Dec. 19, the day we watched Kim Jong Il's monster movie. Photo via The 700 Level. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Here's The Brutal Back Injury That Led To Bears WR Johnny Knox Being Carted Off The Field
There's at least one gruesome injury a week in the NFL, but they're usually of the ankle, knee, or elbow variety. This one's a bit different, and really pretty horrible to watch. ...
New Mexico Bowl Open Thread
Temple vs. Wyoming! Maybe you're watching this? If so, feel free to use this space to chat about it....
Portland's Quipster Cop: Lightsaber Edition
We first met officer Pete Simpson a few weeks ago when he was cracking wise about Ndamukong Suh's driving style. Officer Simpson is back in the news following a (possibly mentally ill) prospective Jedi, elegantly—and not at all clumsily or randomly—got nuts in a Toys R Us with a lightsaber. After a...
The Vancouver Riot Couple Is Still In Love
Six months might not seem a lot of time before doing a "where are they now?" But considering he was an Australian stand-up comedian/bartender who seduced a naive Canadian girl with his exotic accent, it's surprising and heartwarming to hear that they're still together and living in Melbourne. [Puck ...
Lovesick College Kid Turns Down Historic Lay
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....